


Imagine a Flower Bud

by GrimoireEmil



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Angst, Canon Characters to come later, Child Abuse, Explainations and further warnings in author notes, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Physical Abuse, Warning: Transphobia, warning: misgendering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-25 21:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 44,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21362938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimoireEmil/pseuds/GrimoireEmil
Summary: In mere moments, everything can change. You can discover vast depths about who you are in a single flash before the Wheel whisks you away to it's chosen fate. Home is no longer home, and your name is no longer your name.A child who can channel Saidar who many say shouldn't, Aes Sedai who must protect her from those who would deny this truth, and a strange relic that sends them down a rabbit hole. Mayhaps, someday, bleeding wounds can be healed and terrible pasts tamed.
Comments: 42
Kudos: 23





	1. Overthinking

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I've been working on for a while now. I've been wanting to put a trans person into the weird gender landscape of Wheel of Time for a long time simply because the series is... lacking in lgbt representation in general. I don't post fanfiction often at all, so I appreciate any hiccups with the process! Also, this story will center mostly on OCs with canon character floating in and out. I don't know if they'll play a major role yet. Ultimately, this story is me being extremely self-indulgent. If it's not something you like, please just. Don't read it!
> 
> NOTE: The first few chapters will contain narrator misgendering. This is simply a matter of the protagonist not being aware of who she is yet and the moment the revelation hits, the narrator will use the correct pronouns. I apologize in advance. 
> 
> STORY WARNINGS:  
-Violence  
-Abuse  
-Transphobia of all kinds  
-(more to come as I write this I'm sure...)
> 
> Chapter Warnings:  
-None

The ferry bumped against the dock that jutted over the River Eldar. It had arrived from Coramen, a common occurrence as the town sat directly across from this town, Alkindar. Lalen watched it all, perched on a stack of crates by the roadside, listening to the river gurgle as a gaggle of voices chirped from its shore, unloading and taking care of whatever business need be met before heading on.

Most people seemed travel worn, some carrying or pulling packs and carts full of miscellaneous stuff, probably heading west. In and out of this little town, no doubt. Lalen recognized, walking in his long gait, Sama Tan, moving straight for the shopping center, perhaps to acquire goods for Coramen. Many more men and women were familiar. It seemed, at times, like the towns were one in the same: twins.

Lalen had asked why they just didn’t build a bridge and make it one town, but his mother had laughed at the idea. The River Eldar is too big, he supposed, to make that work. It’d be a lot easier than taking the ferry though.

But most of the faces were strange, and that’s why Lalen would come here. The crates that sat staunchly beside the very few warehouses were a perfect vantage point, and to see faces and clothes of all different kinds was a magical experience. With the wind coming off the river, it felt pleasantly cool, even causing him to shiver lightly, and no one paid no mind to what seemed like a little boy perched on some boxes eating an apple. 

The crowd began to grow louder, and Lalen craned his neck to see what the ruckus was. Everyone down there seemed to be parting, starting back from the ferry. The murmurs were not angry. Most seemed even apologetic from what he could hear, but a clear bubble of space moved swiftly through the crowd and the crowds willingly parted. As the bubble moved past, Lalen nearly choked on a piece of his apple.

Four women, one in red dress, one in green, another in gray, and a final in yellow. All carrying themselves with an air of regality. There were plenty of answers to explain these noble women walking as if they owned the space, but one popped instantly into Lalen’s head and took root.

_Aes Sedai… _He gulped.

They seemed heavily in conversation, with the lady in gray trying to speak between the lady in green and the lady in red. The two were fuming, and even Lalen could tell they were barely holding back going at each other’s throats. They weren’t yelling. Aes Sedai surely never yelled, if that’s what they were. But the air around them was tense.

The yellow walked behind the other three, fingers pressed against her forehead as if she had a headache building. They moved fast and seemed to drift towards the first inn they saw, the Apple Tree Inn.

_Are they staying the night? _he thought. It felt strange to Lalen since the day was young yet. They could probably make it to the next town over if they kept moving.

The one in yellow stumbled. Did she trip? The other three, engrossed in conversation, failed to notice. She picked up the pace to catch up, but her attention now seemed focused elsewhere. Her headache no longer seeming a priority, she now seemed in high alert and scanned the crowd. Did she sense something? Hear something? Who knew what an Aes Sedai was capable of picking up? Lalen had heard all sorts of tales and stories. Some say an Aes Sedai could hear anything you say from miles away.

Her eyes fell on Lalen.

She did not miss a step, keeping in walk with her companions, but as she passed, her eyes locked with his. He hoped and prayed that maybe she looked at someone else, but there was no mistaking it. A drop of sweat broke on his back as her eyes narrowed. At the sight of Lalen, she looked… confused? He began to worry if he should not be staring back, mouth agape. It probably was very rude, he was sure, but all thoughts left him besides a raw panic. _What did I do wrong? _

And then she passed. He could not help but watch as she moved through the streets with the other three to the inn. She seemed conflicted, reaching for the Green’s shoulder before pulling her hand back, eyes constantly shooting back to look at Lalen and then back at the Red.

Lalen’s apple fell to the ground with a thud, shaking him out of his shock. They disappeared into the inn, and for a moment he wanted to chase after them, beg the one in yellow why she had looked at him. What had he done? Lalen could apologize if needed! His father always said being on the bad side of an Aes Sedai was a death sentence! But then, there was also one in a red dress, and his father had also said stay _clear _away from an Aes Sedai dressed in red.

Of course, that was assuming they were even Aes Sedai and not some noble ladies. And if they were Aes Sedai, where were their Warders? Several men had slowly trickled into the inn after them, could they be their Warders? Noble women don’t just walk around amid common folk like him. But do Aes Sedai?

And of course, the all-important question. Lalen fretted if he should tell his mother. He slid off the crate and began to walk home. Thoughts of numerous possible explanations filled his head until Lalen ended up studying the lady’s face over and over. Soon his imagination had twisted the possibilities into more and more dreadful reasons he had caught her glare.

He had totally lost his focus, drifting down the road. He ended up letting the loose flow of travelers down the road take him, bumping and knocking along.

Then he was falling. A hand clasped on his arm and _yanked _him off the road. Lalen stumbled, trying to catch his balance, right into an alley way. His foot caught on the uneven ground and he went sprawling. Immediately tears sprung in his eyes just from the shock of it all, but when Lalen looked up, his racing heart calmed.

Standing there, grinning over him, was Ginny. He had a hand outstretched to help Lalen up. Lalen took it, dusted his pants, and wiped his eyes. Ginny’s dirty blonde hair was a mess as always. Dust coated his cheeks, and grass stains permanently marred his pants.

Ginny’s smile faltered. “Hey, Lal, what’s going on? You look pale? Like you’ve seen Halfman or something. You all right?”

Normally, Lalen had no issues telling Ginny anything. They had been friends since they were little older than babies, and no secrets were kept between them. The fact that he paused here immediately created worry on Ginny’s face. Lalen felt the tale spring up to his lips, the urge to tell instantaneous. Ginny’s advice was not always good, but at times he felt he needed it. His advice gave Lalen direction.

He decided to ease into it. “There were a bunch of noble women at the dock.”

“Noble women? Is that all?”

“Well...”

Ginny put a hand on hip.

“Well, I think they were Aes Sedai.” The words fell right out.

This made Ginny jaw drop. “Aes Sedai? Are you sure? Did you see warders? There are always waders.”

“No, I didn’t see warders. Well, I might’ve seen warders. I don’t know for sure. But I’m pretty sure they were Aes Sedai. The crowd moved around them, and the way they walked. I could just feel it. They had power.”

Ginny whistled. “Bloody ashes, I never expected Aes Sedai here. If you’re right, they’re a far way from their tower. Well? What else?”

Instinctively, Lalen stiffened and went on the defensive. “Nothing else! I just saw them!”

“You can’t lie worth anything, Lalen.”

He felt his face grow hot. “I can too!”

Ginny started laughing. “See! You literally just told me you were lying!”

Lalen blushed. “Not fair…” But Ginny was still waiting for answers, his face stern again once his laughing ceased. Lalen caved. “One of them… Well, one of them looked right at me.”

Ginny jolted. “What? She looked at you? You're absolutely certain? She couldn’t have been looking elsewhere?”

“I’m, well, I’m pretty certain. It was right at me. She even looked shocked to see me. Somehow I confused an Aes Sedai? I don’t know what I did wrong, Ginny!”

Ginny stroked a beard he did not have. “Hmmm. The only boys Aes Sedai care about are ones who can channel. You know, like false dragons. Wait, can you... Can you channel?”

“No! No! I've never channeled in my life!”

“But maybe they can see if you have the talent for it. Maybe they know you will eventually.”

“Stop it! That’s not funny! I’m not a boy channeler!”

Ginny persisted, lost in the sudden conspiracy. “You know what happens to men who channel right? It isn’t pretty. They go crazy! You might wake up on morning and find out that you leveled your whole house and killed your whole family! And if she saw that you could do that… Well, once an Aes Sedai smells a prey, she’ll never let go.”

Now fear built in Lalen. Everything Ginny said made sense to him, the pieces fitting together neatly in some tragic puzzle. After all, what other cause could an Aes Sedai look at Lalen for? He felt like he was about to cry tears of pure panic. _Should I run?_ _Can I run?_

“What should I do?” I managed to squeak out.

To his surprise, Ginny just shrugged and said, “Nothing.”

“Nothing? But what if I’m... gentled or something. I hear it’s worse than death.”

“Nothing. If you run, they’ll know something is up and will hunt you down. You said you don’t think you can channel, well stand by that. Maybe she just recognizes you because she knows your mother or father or something. Just wait.”

“Why would my mom or dad...?” He felt my knees get weaker, but Lalen resolved not to fall apart. He couldn’t let one prolonged glance throw himself into complete chaos. If the worst was true, Lalen thought, then they didn’t even know his name or where he lived. Surely, they could not find him so easily. Lalen knew he never really made waves in town, and ultimately, few may even know who they’re looking for among all the children here if they just said “Have you seen a boy with a brown mop of hair?” If she had seen his freckles from that far, then maybe, but...

“Who knows? I said, who can know?” Ginny waved a hand, and Lalen felt a bit more at ease by it. There were other possibilities. Or it could have all been a misunderstanding.

So who knew indeed? Lalen bit his lip, glancing behind himself just in case, but the people in the street moved along without a single glance at them.

“Do you need help getting home?” Ginny wasn’t so casual now. There was a definite note of concern that said he’d tease Lalen till the wheel stopped turning, but if he was scared to go home, Ginny would walk him there in an instant.

Lalen didn’t want to put him through the trouble, but right now he was so jumpy he might see trollocs in every shadow. Lalen nodded, “Thanks, I’d appreciate it. But, wait, did you pull me here to tell me something?”

“I mean, I did have something to show you that I found out in the woods, but it can wait given the fright you got.”

“No! No, let’s go see. I need to do _something_.” Regardless of Ginny’s assurances, Lalen kept seeing that lady in yellow, her green eyes drilling into him. If he went home, he’d just be cooped up glancing out the window at any moving shadow.

Ginny’s smile flashed back to life. “Right! Follow me!”

\---

“Do you think I’ll really go mad?” Lalen asked.

The two were climbing over roots and pushing through brush as they made their way deeper and deeper into the forest. One of Lalen’s shoes were soggy now, damp seeping right through his tights, as at one point he lost his footing and stepped into a stream. It was no matter to him; his mind was elsewhere.

“Would you stop?” Ginny said. “You’re not gunna go mad because you’re not a channeler.”

“But you said I might be.”

“Might. And there are 20 other explanations that make more sense before that.”

But something still didn’t feel right. He portioned a small amount of his concentration to keep from hurting himself during their trek, and the rest went to trawling through memories for any instance in which he might’ve channeled on accident or something like that.

He could not think of a one that was obvious at least. No fireballs or anything like that. So what _would _count as channeling? He supposed only that Aes Sedai would be able to say.

Eventually, they reached a tree that really looked no different than any other except for a small little notch in its trunk.

It was then that Lalen realized that he had no idea where in the forest they were. “Hey, Ginny,” he said. “Are you sure we won’t be lost?”

“No way! I know where we are.”

But Lalen was not eased by Ginny’s confidence.

Lalen watched as Ginny bent over and began to dig at the dirt right against the tree, at the “V” where two old, gnarled roots branched off. As he dug, Lalen looked up to realize just how large this tree was. It must’ve been ancient.

“Ah-ha!” Ginny shouted. Lalen’s eyes snapped back to him as the dirt began to be pushed away to uncover a small box. It was made of iron, it seemed to Lalen, and lined with the green color of aged copper. Oddly, the iron parts had not rusted. The longer Lalen looked at it as Ginny pulled the box from the earth, the more he could make out small etchings all around it of intricate flower patterns and vines. The box was small, no bigger than his fists put together, with a small keyhole at the front.

“There’s no key,” Ginny said.

“Did you find that here?” Lalen’s imagination already began to race.

“No, it was a bit further on. I was climbing around and found this little creek. It was caught on a rock under the water. Before it got washed down there, who knows where it came from! Buried it here because I knew where it would be, but it’s far enough in the woods no one will find it.”

“Did you try breaking it open?”

Ginny paused. “Of course, I thought about it, but did I? No. It’s old, Lal. Really old. This thing could be from before the Breaking! What if there’s some kind of trap, huh?”

“But there’s no rust on the iron bits. If it was that old, there’d be iron.” Lalen stepped closer to it and examined the box further in his friend’s hands to make sure that was true.

“Not if it’s magic.”

Lalen nodded. That would explain that _if _it was really that old.

“Should we sell it?” Lalen ventured.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. “Sell the box? You’re not thinking big enough, buddy. What do you think would sell more? A box, or what’s _inside_ the box. We gotta figure out how to open this thing!”

Just then, Lalen thought he saw a shadow, flitting behind Ginny’s shoulder. Barely there, a blur. He tried to find it again but could see no evidence of its existence. Not even a rustled branch of shrubbery.

_But it looked like..._

“Hey, do you know someone who can lockpick?” Ginny interrupted. “I know a guy. He’s been teaching me. But I don’t trust him. He’d steal this thing and run off!”

“No, not really,” Lalen said.

“That’s a shame. I mean, I could try but I’m only just starting to learn, yeah? I guess I’ll leave it here till I figure out what to do with it.”

Lalen was set to nod in agreement, but then a thought hit him. “Hey, hide it somewhere else.”

Ginny cocked his head in confusion. “Why?”

“I just... Well, there’s a feeling in my gut that says so. Trust me?”

Ginny paused to think, examining the box in his hands. Finally, he nodded. “Sure, I can do that. Smart to keep moving it around. But, Lal, this is our little secret right? You wouldn’t tell?”

“Nobody! Not a soul!” He felt a little insulted Ginny had to confirm that.

Ginny was quickly pacified by this and nodded. “Good, let’s head back. I’m getting hungry.”

Lalen’s stomach agreed readily. As the two children made their way back to town, Lalen kept a look out for the shadow still. _You’re just being silly. Nothing was there._ He told himself over and over, but he could not shake that feeling of eyes staring down the back of his neck.

When he got home that evening, he fought on how to view his run in with an Aes Sedai, wondering how he could ever cross out the possibilities Ginny had offered him as explanations. If he even wanted to narrow them down at all.

His home was a little house on the edges of the town. Fenced to one side was a small area for keeping a couple of chickens and a rooster and to the other was a little patch for growing vegetables. His mother worked as a tailor among several others in the town and his father did carpentry work, mostly simple jobs and repairs. Upon entering, he was greeted with the familiar sight of bolts of cloth, and half-finished outfits draped over mannequins.

The town did not quite have enough residents to make this job particularly lucrative, with most residents in town being able to stitch and mend their own clothing. But there were guests who came into town searching for the quality clothing his mother would make and some tradesmen and women just could not find the time to make new clothing for growing children or mend every little nick. And there were, of course, the occasional meetings one may need have with the local lord that one might need some new clothes put together for.

So they did well enough, and Lalen always felt proud of the clothes that his mother made, especially the nice ones for richer folk. Outside, his father would make various things from wood brought from the mill, for his father originally was a carpenter a few towns over, and that too was evidenced by the smattering of wood shavings that decorated the floor as well as a whittling knife on a side table by a chair. Lalen had long since learned to avoid the real gear in the back.

It was a busy house he walked into that day with his mom needle in mouth, stitching embroidery on a man’s coat. His father must be out back, working on another project, for Lalen did not see him there. His younger sister, Illua, was screaming under the ministrations of his older sister, Delaine, who was tending to a scrape on her leg. Meanwhile, Lalen’s two older brothers, Galvin the oldest and Semul the second oldest, tried to get the table set.

Lalen wasn’t fazed as he went into the house. On chaotic days like this, he just hoped his part of the bedroom was left intact.

“About time you got home, I was wondering if you were OK out there,” Mother said, voice muffled as she used her teeth to cut a thread.

“Sorry, Ginny dragged me out to the forest,” Lalen said. He began to move immediately to Illua. Often, he knew he could calm her when she was in a panic.

“Hush. Hush! It’s nothing, just a scratch.” Delaine said, struggling with her charge. “Would you sit still and let me- OW! You didn’t have to kick me!”

Lalen fought back a chuckle and was about to try and speak reason to Illua when Mother stopped him in his tracks. “Lalen, go help your brothers set the table.” The tone of voice was not rude, simply stated as if that’s what he would’ve been doing if he’d been home on time, but it still made him cringe. Regardless, he shuffled off to the kitchen to help set things up.

During dinner, Lalen felt the nerve to probe. Over stew and freshly baked bread from the baker, the table didn’t feel like a timebomb today. Sure, Illua was still sniffling and Delain shot her furious glances. Sure, Galvin was busy recounting his day as apprentice to another carpenter in town (one that did all sorts of work that his father simply could not support), and Semul looked like he’s trapped in a daydream or had fallen asleep with his eyes wide open.

Lalen brushed hair from his eyes as he ate, eying his parents and their current temperament. His father scowled, and Lalen knew what he was thinking. “_Cut that hair...” _Well, his father didn’t bring it up, and that suited Lalen just fine as he’d just refuse adamantly.

He would say his father seemed jovial today, after all he talked with a kind of surety today, but something was certainly up. The smell or grass, sweat, and wood drifted from his father over the scents of food. He didn’t even bother washing up, so surely immersed in his work he had to have been.

His mother seemed to have no issues. She was actively engaged with Galvin about his apprenticeship instead of lost, thinking about designs and unfinished work. No fussy customers to sour the day today.

It was not like broaching the topic of Aes Sedai would bring a great backlash, but conversations were always easier to steer when his parents were not in a bad temper. So, when a lull in conversation occurred, Lalen gulped down the stew in his mouth and dared try and figure things out.

“Hey, have either of you met an Aes Sedai before?”

The question hit them, causing them to pause momentarily in eating, before they seemed to brush it off.

“Why are you suddenly curious about the witches,” his father said, mouth full of food.

Lalen shrugged, keeping sure not a hint of his true motives bled through. “Ginny started talking about them. I’m just curious.”

“I’ve never seen one in my life and thank goodness. Bad luck they are,” his father scoffed, and resumed eating like the conversation ended.

_One down._ Lalen looked to his mom.

“Hmm. Actually I did meet one before, maybe. It’s fuzzy. I was six at the time, so I could be wrong, I suppose. But one evening I was looking for my sister and wandered into town on my own while my mother wasn’t looking. Luckily, I found her quick, but she was chatting with someone avidly.

“Of course, it could’ve been any lady, but she had a man with him. Those Warders they have. And, now, this is where things get even fuzzier, but I swore my sister said, ‘Thank you, Sedai,’ before leaving to bring me home. But when I tried to ask in the future, she acted like I was crazy, so it may be that I just dreamed that all up.”

“Your sister was one of them?” His father raised an eyebrow. Now everyone was staring at his mother, and she clearly looked a bit flustered by that.

“Of course not! If she was, she’d be at the white tower, not helping her husband run a flour mill!”

“Hmph,” was all his father had in response, shooting a “We’ll talk about this later,” look.

“Do you know what she looked like?” Lalen said.

His mother waved a hand. “Like I said, it’s all fuzzy. Why?”

“Just curious,” Lalen mumbled, then hastily added. “Just that they’re said to look different, you know?”

“You’ve been acting rather strange lately, Lalen…” his father said, this time catching Lalen off guard.

“W-what do you mean?”

“I mean the long times out with Ginny, coming home with questions that, while not as strange are Tar Valon witches, are quite odd. You’re more withdrawn otherwise. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were either hiding something from us or we’ve done you a personal insult.”

Now all eyes were on Lalen. “No! No of course not! I just, I don’t know, things are interesting in town and I…” Lalen trailed off, unsure of how to finish.

“I’d rather you working,” his father huffed. Lalen didn’t respond.

The conversation died off, and Lalen made no effort to spark it again. His thoughts drifted back to Aes Sedai once more and how his mother’s answer made nothing clearer. That night, as he shuffled off to a room he shared with his brothers, Lalen found sleep hard to come.

When it did, Lalen found dreams not of Aes Sedai, but of a being, Lalen could not make out who or what, stripping him of everything: name, self, and eventually even body. Stripped of all until Lalen had totally disappeared entirely. There was something else there, and Lalen knew if it could be reached, this would all stop. But Lalen couldn’t reach it. It sat and watched as the other thing destroyed Lalen bit by bit. All Lalen knew was that this unreachable thing was crying.


	2. Needed Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strangers come knocking and promises are made. Whatever could they mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to get this up! If you're back for chapter 2, thanks for coming back! I hope you stick with me further as things get fleshed out and develop! Also, definitely didn't edit as thoroughly as I should have, so pardon any typos or other weird hiccups.

_Bang! Bang! Bang! _

From the chicken coop, Lalen heard an odd slamming from the front of the house. Stumbling out, feed dribbling from his hands, he idly wondered if someone else home would open the door for whoever that was. It sounded urgent.

“Lalen! Lalen!”

Ginny’s voice.

“I’m over here!” Lalen replied, heading around the house.

Ginny’s head spun to face Lalen, and he saw relief immediately wash over his face.

“Oh, thank the Light that you’re here and not in town.”

“W-why?”

“There’s a man looking for you. He’s huge, at least two times as tall as me!” Ginny panted as he spoke, gulping air as fast as his words poured out of his mouth. “Well, not you specifically, he was asking about a tailor for clothes.”

Lalen cocked his head. “So? He’s looking for my mom. Not me. We get people asking for us, Ginny.”

“No! It’s not that simple, wool-brain. I overheard the conversation. He asked for a tailor but emphasized he needed a specific one. Oh sure, he made a whole story about it, about having gone to this tailor before and loving the work done. He said the only thing he remembered, though, was they had a -and I quote- ‘Small child with brown hair and freckles.’”

Lalen gulped.

“Who else could that be?” Ginny concluded, and then finally bent over, hands on knees, as he tried to recover his breath.

“Well, they could still just be old customers who forgot. Coincidence? If it was Aes Sedai, it’d be a woman...” But Lalen’s voice shook as he spoke. _Warder._

“You have to hide! He’s coming right now. I only-.”

“Just raced ahead of him?”

Suddenly a man had come out from around the house. Both the children jumped. Lalen yelped too. Neither had seen nor heard the man approach, but he was as tall and large as an oak. In fact, as he moved toward them, his steps seemed they should be heavy, and if panic had not seized Lalen, he’d wonder how that man could’ve snuck up on them. He had curly, black hair tied back in a short tail, and a bushy beard. His eyes were not scary, but soft in fact. Slung over his shoulder was a cloth bag, worn with stains of dirt on it. His body was large enough that, from a distance, you might presume him to be fatter, but up close there was no doubt it was all muscle.

Lalen’s first thought upon meeting this man was, _His hands could crush me..._

“Easy now!” The man bellowed and laughed. “You two have the looks of two children up to no good! You are behaving yourselves, yes?”

“Yes, Sir!” “Sorry, sir!” both Lalen and Ginny said over one another, eliciting another deep laugh from the stranger.

“Good, good! I apologize for startling you, but would this be the Orin residence? I was looking to get a replacement dress for the one my mistress had damaged on the travels here.” 

His smile was so genuine that Lalen almost believed that was truly all. That maybe they weren’t even Aes Sedai and the only point of this stop for them was a few measly errands and they’d be on their way. _Almost._ The mere fact that this lady had sent her man specifically looking for Lalen’s house proved her interest in Lalen was no mere coincidence.

“Y-yes, sir,” Lalen said.

There was a glint in the man’s eye. There and gone in a flash, but Lalen saw. The slight flicker, looking him up and down. Lalen also had a feeling the man _wanted _him to notice that.

But even then, there was no hint of malice there. In fact, after that, the man seemed to relax even more. _Is this a trap? Get me to make a mistake? I can’t channel! I can’t!_

“The entrance is over there,” Ginny said, breaking the silence. He pointed right around the corner. “Go in and ask for Fenda, she’s in charge of the tailoring.”

“Oh? And are you two brothers?”

“No. He’s my best friend.” There was a challenge in Ginny’s tone, and Lalen thought him ready to fight this man if he had to. Knowing Ginny, he would.

The man chuckled. “Oh, is _he _now. Well you two, be sure to keep out of trouble, especially in these woods. You never know what lurks in them, eh? Oh, and you there.”

He gestured with his chin to Lalen.

“You should stop pulling at your clothes. You’ll wear them out.”

Lalen’s hands fell to his side. He had been totally unaware that he had been fidgeting so much, a habit resurfacing that he thought he’d gotten over. A blush rose on his ears, but the man said nothing more as he strode back to the front of the house. He heard the door open and shut soon after, and only after a few seconds had past did the two allow themselves a breath of relief.

“Lalen!” A voice bellowed from the back of the house. 

“Your Pa?” Ginny said.

“Unfortunately.” Lalen sighed, mentally bracing himself.

Ginny patted Lalen sympathetically on the back. “Then I best be off then. Good luck?”

“Thank you... Coming!”

Lalen departed Ginny and the chicken coop, not with dread, but with resignation. Truth is, he figured he was not in trouble nor to be scolded, but instead lectured, all the while being told how to catch on with his dad’s woodworking. As he rounded the side of the house, he saw it all set up. A chair needing repair, a chest needing carving. More and more he demanded Lalen learn the trade, and the demands only increased when he turned 12.

“Father, can we do this another time?” He ventured. His dad was sitting calmly, sanding down a statue he had whittled. “I still need to finish feeding the hens for mother and...”

His voice trailed off as his father leveled a look at Lalen. His steps slowed to a halt as he found himself under the awning his father usually worked under to escape the sun.

“Do you think I did not hear you chatting away with Ginny, like two gossiping maidens?”

“I wasn’t-!”

His dad stood from his seat, and Lalen fell quiet again.

“What have I told you time and time again? You must learn to do _something_, Lalen. Galvin is looking to strike out on his own. Semul makes a wage as a hand on Old Gaster’s farm. And what have you started? Have you even spent any time on your own practicing? Getting to know the tools?”

Lalen pulled at the bottom of his tunic. The word “Yes,” bubbled to the back of his throat but he could not bring himself to lie.

His father nodded. “You refused every avenue of apprenticeship I tried to find you. We’re left no choice but at least to learn this with me. Maybe it’ll toughen you up even.”

“That’s not true...” Lalen mumbled.

“What was that? Speak up. Be a man and speak up.”

“I said that’s not true!” Lalen yelled. Lalen clapped hands over his mouth, making an audible thwack. He yelled so loud that surely his family could hear him from inside. _And that man._

“Oh? And how is it not?”

Lalen paused, calculating the worth of arguing further. This was not an argument he’d win, but he persisted, feeling hurt by his father’s twisted reasoning. “I offered to help mother with the tailoring. I offered to help Ms. Gaster with her housekeeping. I offered to apprentice under Mrs. Kelt to learn how she makes her pastries. I can do all those things and do them well!”

“And what did I say to those?”

“No.”

“_Why _did I say ‘no’?”

Lalen knew, but he shrugged anyway. That was the wrong thing to do.

His father exploded. “Women’s work! You offer to work under women! Housekeeping? Baking? Those are not jobs for men! They’re jobs for women! You seek soft work and I will not let it be said a son of mine is _soft!_”

“But I don’t like—“

“And do you think I care? A man does his job whether he likes it or not. A man works and works. It doesn’t matter if his work makes him rich, but a man does the work that brings sweat to his brow and makes him proud in the end. I do not mind the money your mother brings in since my old wounds keeps me limited, but my sons _will do better. _A man does not complain when opportunities like these are presented!”

Tears began to well in Lalen’s eyes. He tried to hold them back, but he could not. For unexplainable reasons, each word his father hurled felt like cuts. A hole began to rip open inside him and for a terrifying moment he was scared that if he did not get out of there, it would swallow him alive.

“Light help you, lad.” His father’s voice dropped in volume. “Now you cry? You’re so soft. Your brothers are not like this. Not at all. Where did I go wrong with you?”

The question came off as too calculating, as if his father had split the wood somehow, and he was trying to figure out how he had done it. The hole just seemed to grow larger as it was fed by failure.

The back door opened.

As quiet as he was earlier, the bulky man from outside stepped from the doorway, one finger stuck under his belt.

“My, what a commotion?” He seemed to be jolly despite the tenseness of the scene.

Lalen’s father turned from him to face the man. “May I ask who you are, sir?”

“Ah! Where are my manners. My name is Jaronish Waterow, but please call me Jaro. I simply have commissioned your wife for a dress for my mistress, and I could not help but overhear an argument. I just came to ensure no violence was transpiring.” The man apparently named Jaro finished that question with a look towards Lalen, as if waiting for Lalen to confirm or deny, not his father. Lalen did not move.

“Well, Jaro, this is a family matter, and if you are implying I would beat my son, then, pardon if this is rude, you are overstepping. If I could help you with any woodworking that I do here, I will, and if there is anything you need helping finding, I can help with that too.”

Lalen saw his father square up, but Jaro still stood a good head taller than his father. And his father would never stand a chance, not with his bad lung and fitful shoulder.

“You’re quite right,” Jaro said. He offered a small bow. “I overstepped. Sometimes I’m a touch impulsive. Ah! But you may help me find something. Do you happen to have any wine perchance? I’m a bit parched from the travelling, and it may take a bit of time yet before I can return to my mistress satisfied everything will be properly done. Ah, the dress I’m making is expensive yet! And my money’s worth must be ensured.”

Suddenly, at the idea of this man being a wealthy customer, Lalen’s father perked up. “Wine, sir? No, but we have water from the well and milk if you wish.”

“No, no. Wine, please. If you could but send that child off to go fetch it, and I’ll give... Lalen was it? Lalen, the money to get a bottle from an inn?”

“Let me go fetch Delaine then, and she can go run it for you.”

“Well, this child is right here. And I’m sure it will take but a second! No need to trouble yourself.”

Lalen’s father paused. _Please say yes,_ Lalen found himself begging. Anything to get away from here. His father sighed. Pleasing a wealthy patron such as this meant more than just gold, but also word of mouth to aid their reputation.

“Go ahead, Lalen. You take his coins and spend it _only _one wine, the best that his gold can get you hear?”

It took a moment for Lalen to find his legs working, but he approached Jaro who still stood in the open doorway. He had to crane his head up to meet Jaro’s eyes. Jaro rummaged in his coin purse, pulling out two silver marks, as well as another, larger, silver coin. The man crouched down, still larger than Lalen but their eyes were more even. Lalen reached out, and Jaro put the two marks into his palm.

In a quiet voice, Jaro said. “Two for the wine.” Then, the third coin he put on top of them. “One as a tip for running this errand for me, yes? But it’s our secret, yes?”

Lalen looked down in awe. The coin was huge, more silver he’d ever had in his possession. Stamped into the coin, unmissable, was a tear drop. A Tar Valon coin at Lalen’s best guest. All at once, his fears were confirmed, but in this moment, he wasn’t afraid. Instead, he nodded. Money, and it was his. Maybe it’d be hard to spend a coin from Tar Valon, but it was his. “Yes, sir.”

“Good lad!”

“Thank you, sir...” Lalen felt breathless as he turned to go, but then Jaro put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

“If you find you can stand it no more, come to the Horseless Man’s Inn by the ferry dock. Not the Apple Tree Inn. Show the innkeeper the coin and ask for Lady Amalia. If she is wrong, you’ll be more than able to go back to normal life. But if she’s right, you’ll find safety with her and the chance to be true. She swears, and her word she cannot break.”

“May I ask, Jaro, what you are telling Lalen?”

Jaro stood up straight, stretching in a way that resembled a cat. A very large cat.

_Safety?_

“Just the where abounds of a good wine that was recommended to me! The boy needed instructions to get there.”

Lalen’s father hesitated but ultimately nodded, satisfied.

_Stand what no more?_

“Well, boy? Go at it,” his father said, shooing. Lalen shook himself out of the daze and began to run off.

“Oh! And Lalen!” his father yelled. Lalen stopped to hear. “Tomorrow. We finish this tomorrow so be here.”

His hands tightened hard on the coins, and Lalen ran off without another word. Past his house he moved fast, his shoes clapping on the pack dirt road.

_Why another inn?_

He rubbed a sleeve over his eyes, brushing off the last bit of tears.

_Lady Amalia?_

He disappeared into the foot traffic not sure where he was going. He knew of another inn, away from the Horseless Man or The Apple Tree, one of last in the town, so he ran to that, his throat raw from heavy breathing.

_To be true. _

He ran harder. His feet hurt. He barreled past people, nearly knocking them over, causing them to shout curses his way. He didn’t care. He ran.

_To be true._

He ran and ran.

_What’s true?_

And his footfalls slowed. His breath heaved and sweat rolled down his face.

_My lady swears... _

Another story floated up through his thoughts as he stepped to the side and fell on his butt to the dirt. A man entering the building Lalen leaned against shot him a look but ultimately ignored him as his footsteps creaked up the steps. A stick from a shrub growing next to the house poked Lalen’s ribs but he ignored it. The coins hurt in his sweaty grip, but he dared not let go.

“Aes Sedai can’t lie. If she promises I’ll be safe, she can’t lie.”

_But they spin a truth so well that it might as well be one. _

As he caught his breath he wondered how that statement could be a lie. Could Warders lie for their Aes Sedai? Was he even her Warder?

“What if he works for the one in the red dress not the yellow one? How can I be sure? Argh!” He ran a free hand through his hair, moving it out of his eyes.

“Ginny. Ginny would know. Ginny always knows. I’ll ask him what I should do!”

With a plan in mind, he stood up on tired legs and headed towards the inn.

After a while, he arrived at the Great Stag Inn. The tables in the common room were mostly empty, save one man asleep by his mug. As he approached the table, the innkeeper, who was cleaning a tankard, raised an eyebrow at Lalen. This was not a part of town he frequented often.

“The best bottle of wine this can pay for.” He dug out the two coins from his hands and placed them carefully on the bar. He had to stand on tiptoes to do so. The Tar Valon silver was carefully hidden in hand; Lalen made great effort to make sure it was not seen by the man.

The innkeeper’s eyebrow raised even higher. “A lot of money for a kid. Ain’t you a bit young?”

“It’s for a nobleman who is a client of my family. He wanted the best wine I could get.” Lalen wondered if the man would try to scam him. It seemed easy to do. Lalen wouldn’t know whether a wine is good or bad, and he could profit greatly.

“A nobleman, you say?”

“Yes, sir. He has a lot of money at least.”

“Well, will you tell him where this wine was bought from?”

“Yes, sir! I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

The man nodded, satisfied at the idea of free advertising. He slid the two coins into his hands, looked them over briefly, and then nodded again. He grinned a toothy smile. “My best you’ll get, boy.”

When the man came back, he cradled a cool bottle of wine in his hands. Gently, Lalen took it gratefully, and truly it did seem fancy and old. Maybe it was worth _more _than 2 silvers if this man was really banking on currying a noble man’s favor.

He went home carefully, his mind now thinking of where to hide his coin and where to find Ginny.

Gala Mendjin spent the evening in a fog. Sure, she went through the motions. She made perfunctory gestures at staying neutral when both Yalen Kirk of the Green Ajah and Minstir Fa of the Red tried to drag her into their petty squabble over how much longer they need be here. And did right by agreeing with any effort by Falline Rockter of the Gray at mediating. She never had a mind for politics, and she was sure she was only brought along on this minor mission because the yellow pulled strings in order to be allowed participation in it. She supposed if anyone got hurt in any serious way she could help but...

But then she had seen that child by the roadside.

_A boy. Surely not? Maybe a tomboy? _

But that didn’t sit well with her. The child definitely looked like a boy. They looked too old to have their appearance be androgynous enough to deny it. Still, that couldn’t sit well with her either. One look, and she had been left completely befuddled. She’d need to see the child again, to be sure, but if she wasn’t careful... What would go wrong? If she was wrong, nothing bad would happen. It was if she was right _then_ she needed to be careful.

Gala shook her head. Regardless, if she was correct, then the child must be more than aware that something was wrong about their life. Her message banked on it. It also banked on a lot more. She did all she could for now.

And as she tried to return to task, scanning over a map of the area, trying to eke out where the reported item that could, maybe, be from the Age of Legends and could, maybe, be an Angreal was located, her mind kept going back to that moment. She knew the child had seen her. And by their wide eyes, it was clear the child had some inkling as to who she might be. Smart, that kid was, but will they be too scared to come?

_Back to task! _

Halind, one of Yalen’s warders, had reported seeing a box hidden out in the forest here. It’s in the possession of two children, but does not fit the bill of what they’re looking for. Plus, for it to be in the forest here seemed, to Gala, a bit of a stretch. On the map were three concentric circles, with the center point being where the ancient settlement should be according to research. Each circle from that decreased the likely-hood of it being found. The box could be easily recovered, but that would not be her call. Still, maybe she’d have Jaro look further into this if anything she could bring back a minor trinket to the tower and not appear totally useless in the group.

_They should’ve brought a Brown here. A healer like me won’t do any good! _

Perhaps they were worried about Children of the Light bleeding through the borders of Amadicia and attacking a sister or warder, but the chance of violence was low. If anyone gets hurt it’d be by their own fault.

A knock thumped against her door, and she could not help but sigh in relief.

“Come in.”

The door opened, and a familiar sight stepped inside, gently closing the door behind.

Jaro had been her friend for so long, it became hard sometimes to see him as her warder. Occasionally their mental link would remind her, when the usually placid man felt a rush of emotions. Now was one of those moments as the sight of his face reminded her of the worry that he felt tickling the back of her mind.

Jaro took a seat on her bed, which creaked with his weight, and leaned against the wall

“Well, the woman will be making your dress, and it should be set for whenever we depart.”

“Very good, the sisters managed to settle on keeping a look around here for only a short while, but it should be long enough for us to solve this mystery. Did you see?”

Jaro nodded. “I did. Something is off, but what I cannot tell. The family seems normal, and the child is their youngest son. I do not doubt what you saw, but...”

“You do not? I certainly do.”

Jaro chuckled. “I did walk into a fight between the child and their father.”

“Oh?”

Jaro did not have a chance to explain, as another rap on her door broke their conversation. Without even waiting for Gala to respond, the door opened and in walked Minstir, looking around the spacious room as if inspecting it. Her eyes rested only moments on Jaro, after which she sniffed resentfully, and turned to face Gala.

“May I help you?” Gala rose an eyebrow. The nerve Minstir was showing was unusual, even for her. Sure, Minstir was stronger in the power than she, but that did not excuse rudeness.

“It’s time you make yourself useful. A townsman has brought his daughter in. Injured or sick, I do not know, but he swears there are Aes Sedai here.”

Gala sighed. “I suppose there is no use now in hiding we are Aes Sedai is there?”

“Not unless you wish to let the woman die. Anyway, it’s not like we were directly told to be secretive. We just agreed it prudent.”

Gala stood, straightening her dress. “Well, Jaro, let’s go.” Together they walked down the stairs into the inn’s common room where tensions seemed high.

People milled around the room, hanging on the edges. All except two. Tables had been pushed around and away except for two tables that were put together to make room for an emaciated woman breathing shallowly on top. Her appearance was so poor off, Gala could not tell the woman’s age. Worrying a hat beside her was an older man, hunched over and with not much fat on his bones either.

She could maintain her calm exterior like any Aes Sedai, but the site still wrenched her heart. She chose the Yellow for a reason, and that reason beckoned to her.

_I will not lose another!_

As she approached the woman, the staring eyes vanished from her mind. The bowing, scraping innkeeper who tried to babble apologies to her was nonexistent. Her own worries over the child were put out of mind. She only felt the stone-strong mind of Jaro and the sounds of the pleading old man.

“What’s your name?” she demanded of him.

“Redrick Mallin, Aes Sedai. Please, you have to help!”

“Her name?”

“Benna Mallin, my daughter, please something is wrong, Aes Sedai, please!”

She clicked her tongue. “Why have you let the disease get this bad with zero help? This was preventable.”

The man fell silent. A beat passed. Then the man began scrambling for excuses, and he too was phased out of focus as she looked over the near-corpse. She was not sure if she could heal this woman, so bad her condition was, and any missteps could result in the death of her.

_I will not lose another._

Her resolve firmed as she opened herself to the One Power. Saidar filled her with its euphoric power, so familiar yet so new and bewildering. She went through her routine, relaxing herself as she stemmed the tide, submitting to its power but not letting it overwhelm. Then, as its pleasant waves became manageable, she diverted the flow. Everything, for a brief moment, became rich. Every sensation bombarding her was a vibrancy that demanded her attention. She shut that out too, refusing to acknowledge the outside world.

Resting hands on the woman’s bare arms, she closed her eyes. She had always been able to feel where problems lie, their mystery quickly revealed to her. Their wrongness was just clear as day, and it took her many years to learn this was not a skill everybody had. She sensed it clearly, the illness running rampant within the woman’s body, her rough breaths caused by drowning in her own lungs. Death stood over the woman and only the Light could help her.

_Or me. _

Weaving large amounts of Spirit, Water, and Air, she flowed the one power into Benna. More and more power she siphoned off, feeling her own fatigue swiftly growing. She had to measure herself, but for how far the illness was she’d need more and more. She was not all that powerful to begin with, but should have enough. Pulling as much power she was trying to pull was hard, always so hard, but she grit her teeth and pulled.

Steadily, she walked that tight rope like a circus performer between saving Benna and killing her. She would enjoy the challenge if the potential guilt of killing the girl would not rest square on her shoulders. But the wrongness began to retreat. The girl's breaths came easier. She grew paler, but her face, previously contorted with pain, began to ease.

However long of a time passed, Gala did not know, but eventually, with one last push, she surged her healing through Benna, killing any straggling disease, and released the One Power so fast it left her stunned for a moment.

Then the fatigue hit. Her knees went so weak it was a struggle to remain upright and dignified in front of the crowd. Jaro stepped up beside her, and she rested an arm on his shoulder, giving her enough support so she did not collapse.

The sensations of the room came back to her. Not a sound was made from the civilians. The father stood in awe. Her sister Aes Sedai stood back, as if simply waiting for the room to clear so they could get back to what they were doing. None of this surprised them. They knew she was more than capable of this so long as she knew the causes.

_I sure hope I am! It doesn’t matter how much One Power I can draw if I study enough!_

She faced Redrick with a grin. “She should be fine. Ensure she gets plenty sleep, and she will be extremely hungry upon waking so make sure she eats. Not too much at once! We do not want her getting ill all over again. And water aplenty too. What this took out of me, it took more out of her.”

“B-but she’s OK?” Redrick’s head bobbed like a bird. Then, tacked on at the end, he offered a panicked and hasty, “Aes Sedai!”

“If you follow my instructions, yes. The disease is out of her.”

Yalen then stepped up. For reasons unknown to Gala, the Green seemed to take a liking to Gala in a way that bordered on inappropriate. Yalen put a hand on Gala’s shoulder, which Gala would have protested if not for her exhaustion, and announced, “I will not have any one else disturbing her after this. Any more healing done today will draw her too thin! So anyone _not _granting the good innkeeper Kipper patronage should depart immediately.”

_I do not care if she is 30 years older than me and stronger in the Power. She is not my mother! _Gala thought bitterly, but Yalen seemed to think otherwise. It was unfathomable. She could speak for herself!

At Yalen’s strong words the small crowd immediately began to depart, muttering honorifics. Several hands approached Benna and placed her on a litter to be brought home. Through the noise, she could hear Redrick thanking Gala through Jaro over and over as, presumably family, helped take his daughter away. After a while, the man followed. Even the Kipper the innkeeper had let them be, leaving a room in shambles as if a party had just transpired.

“You must be more careful, Gala. We could have linked if you needed more power.”

Gala bit the inside of her cheek. “It was not needed. The girl is healed, and I’ll just be heading back to my quarter to rest.

Then Falline approached, a smirk on her face. “Well,” she said. “Will this hinder our mission or not? Well, Yalen, I’ll need you and Minstir again. We need to figure out again how long to remain.” She turned back to look at Minstir to ensure she had heard. The Red was leaning against the wall of the stair way on her shoulder and shook her head. Clearly, she dreaded the conversation to come.

“You are lucky, Gala, that you avoid most of the planning,” Minstir said. “Yalen, when are your Warders to return with more information?”

Yalen strode across the common room and peaked out the window, as if she’d see them hanging out right outside. “Soon, I think. We will hear what they have to say and then decide. We certainly made quite the ruckus.”

“Not us,” Minstir said. “Definitely not us. That blasted man came in screaming and hollering, swearing he heard Aes Sedai were in here. From whom he heard this from I do not know, but it’s an easy rumor to quell if he would’ve kept his mouth shut.”

_Did the child’s tongue flap so quickly?_ Gala wondered.

“If you three will excuse me, I’ll go rest. I’ll return to studying the maps as soon as I’m able.”

Falline nodded and Yalen remarked, “Yes, do take care of yourself,” which Gala ignored as she headed up the stairs with support from Jaro.

Right at the first step, Minstir put a hand out, stopping her. They locked eyes.

“You look troubled,” Minstir said.

“I’m tired.”

A beat. Minstir nodded, then removed her hand. “You know, while we’re out and about, I do wonder if it may be a good idea to idea to see if maybe we can find the Tower a novice or two. Do you agree?”

Gala tilted her head, confused at the new conversation's direction.

“Are you trying to read a plot in my suggestion?” She gave a quiet chuckle. “No plots. We simply do not have many novices and since the whole town and further on will know we’re here, we may as well use it. Rarely enough does a sister venture down this far.”

Gala processed for a second, trying to pick it apart. It seemed far too convenient for such an idea to spring up now.

_Does she know?_

She nodded. “Yes, I see no harm is checking, so long as it doesn’t stir the town’s ire. I could go out and look myself once I’m well.”

“I’ll mull over how to approach it, and come back to you. Maybe you can implement? I’ll be stuck with those two looking for a relic that may not exist outside that box.”

“I think that’s fine. You know where to find me whenever you want to discuss this further.”

“Yes,” was all Minstir said. She looked away, focusing on the Green and Gray already discussing their plans. A frown formed on her face, as if a thought troubled her.

Gala thought to probe further, find out the cause of concern, but decided against it. Minstir would tell her if she wanted Gala to know. With no need left for her to remain, she allowed Jaro to lead her back to her room.

Inside, she could tell Jaro was chomping at the bit inside to finish his story, but she waved a hand. “Tomorrow,” she told him. “I need some sleep, then tomorrow we’ll figure out the child. Go to the inn and wake me if they show.”

“Yes, Gala Sedai.” He did not debate, although he did seem a touch hesitant to leave her in her current condition. Regardless, he departed, leaving Gala to herself and restful sleep.


	3. Simple Pettiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why? Why is this job so hard to take? Perhaps Lalen is in the wrong? But something's off. Something is not right in the slightest, but what? Frustrating indeed.

He heard rumors from every lip in town. From merchant to stranger to tradesman, Lalen heard everyone speak of the Aes Sedai staying at the Apple Tree Inn and how one had healed a woman named Benna from illness. Some spoke in angry spite, shaking fists over their refusal to let the witches take their daughters. Others wondered out loud if some ill relative or injured friend may too find healing there. 

He struggled to act as surprised as Delaine, whom he tailed along with as she ran her errands. A fish monger pulled her attention for a time, and he tried to maintain the façade of shock at every bit of news he said about Aes Sedai if only so his sister didn’t suspect. Lalen feared if she put him to the question about it, Lalen would have no good answer. There was a Tar Valon coin still tucked in a pocket after all, not to mention the whispered words of the Warder. Lalen wasn’t sure what she’d do if she found out about these things, but he knew for sure he didn’t want her too. He didn’t want to risk this strange thing vanishing before the mystery even gets solved. 

As they left the fish monger, they passed the Horseless Man’s inn. Lalen allowed himself one quick glance at it, trying to see if the woman in yellow showed herself. But all he saw was the usual foot traffic. 

_ Why am I disappointed? _

His scowl after that thought, Delaine noticed, leaving him scrambling for excuses she definitely did not find satisfactory. 

“Aes Sedai,” she said. They were passing homes now, small sized residences with shingled rooves; it was quiet here, but not silent, with people saying good-byes or hellos or voices coming from behind doors. Dogs barked and birds chirped in the chorus of a living town. The idea that other places would be louder, and perhaps more unsafe, never would occur to Lalen. He knew that each house he could knock upon and each house would be a friendly face, or at least certainly not threatening. “Can you believe it Lalen? Aes Sedai in town.” 

Lalen shook his head and readjusted the bundled of paper wrapped meat in his arms. “Why would they be here?” 

“Probably passing through on their way to Ebou Dar or something of that nature. Why they’re walking is beyond me.” 

“Do you think they will stay long?” 

She shrugged. “Makes no difference to me, but why anyone would wish for Aes Sedai to lurk around? Doubt much good would come of it.” 

Did he want them to? “Do you think they’re really here to steal girls?” 

“Steal girls? What put that notion in your head?” 

Lalen blushed. He always hated when she thought him silly. But when he looked up, he saw her smiling, and warmth bloomed in his chest. With her, he felt relaxed, all the edge he never knew he walked on otherwise vanished. She always treated him like she did 4 years ago, still like a younger child, and while he knew he should mind as he was 12 and nearly a man grown (or at least so he kept being told), he didn’t. With every year, things changed, changed in ways he did not like, that terrified him. Time was becoming an enemy, and Delaine seemed outside of that. 

“The rumors. They say that’s what they're here for.” 

“Here for girls, here for men, here for secrets and politics. If rumors had it right, those Aes Sedai would have our whole town. Now, how would they carry all that back to their White Tower?” 

Lalen giggled at the image of four women walking with buildings on their backs. A couple passed, a man and woman, and they waved. Delaine waved back. Lalen tried but could not work around the bundle he carried, and they went on by. Lalen didn’t know their names at first, but their faces touched a distant memory. They, however, knew Delaine’s, and she knew theirs. 

“No, to be perfectly honest, I have no qualms with them being here so long as they keep to themselves,” Delaine continued. “They’ll be here and gone, and we’ll all just move on. The rumors are just annoying, don’t you think? Like the town’s gone obsessed over four women!” 

Lalen nodded his agreement. “They aren’t evil. I don’t think.” 

To that Delaine didn’t respond, but then mused, “I wonder if that lady’s dress Mother is making is for one of them. It’d make sense, I heard of no other nobles moving through. Would that make that huge man her warder?” 

She laughed at the notion, but Lalen stumbled. 

“A Warder breaking up that fight you and Father had the other day? Imagine that! Imagine if father had decided to try and fight him. He’d have gotten beaten around more than a sack of beans.” 

“He was so much taller than Father...” Lalen mumbled, remembering how the man barely fit through the door. “He actually snuck up on Ginny and me before he went in to make his order.” 

“A man that big?” 

“Yeah, you would never be able to hear him if he didn’t want you to.” 

Delaine whistled her impression. “Warders are scary. Definitely don’t want to get on their bad side.” 

They fell back into silence, simply enjoying the sounds of the village. More familiar faces. Delaine knew them all, too. She was impressive like that, her memory amazing. Second only to how social she was. She’d never be home if she didn’t feel like she had to play second mother, of that Lalen was sure. 

Lalen looked up, and was surprised to see the smile gone. Instead, her mouth was pursed in thought, eyebrows knitted. Before Lalen could speculate on what worried her, she broke their quiet. “You know you’ll have to make something of yourself someday. You can’t play by the docks forever.” 

Lalen stiffened. 

“Not saying now. Life is too short to go head first into miserable decisions like that. Father is... pushy at best, though. Someday. You need to think on it.” 

“I am,” Lalen said, defensively. “Even though no one believes me.” 

“Then what is wrong?” She gave a quick glance down to him. He tried to keep his face plain and straight. No emotions. He could not let her read things he wasn’t sure himself. 

_ Then what _ is _ wrong? _He repeated in his head. He felt like he was flipping quickly through the pages of a book searching for the answer to that, the one line that he needed. 

“It’s just,” she went on. She spoke slowly, picking her words with care. “Father has been getting more and more dour lately, more frustrated. There’s been a darkness about him, a kind of urgency. I don’t know, maybe that’s not it either. I’ve tried to stick up for you, and he had none of it.” 

Lalen tensed. _ Please, I don’t want to talk about this. Not today, not now, not with you. _

“I don’t... Well, Lalen, I don’t think he’s sure what to do with you. He didn’t have this issue with Galvin or Sem.” 

_Well, I have __Aes_ _Sedai__ staring at me for some reason, that’s one difference_. 

“And I think he’s worried you’ll never find work you’ll like. Work you’ll be proud of. Work that’ll get you a family. He’s sure the best course for you is for you to stay home with him. To take over the trade since he doesn’t think you can do much else.” 

Barely containing his frustration, Lalen said, “I’ve told him where I’d like to try and apprentice. He said it wasn’t right. Just because...” he choked on the words. “It isn’t my fault! I’d do the work if it didn’t mean, well… I guess if it didn’t mean giving in.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why he wants me to be exactly the same as Galvin and Semul!” 

The quiet returned, probably for Delaine to process, but then she spoke again. “No, you aren’t the same as them. I think he’s just confused why his older two sons took to hard work so quick, even sleepy Semul, and yet you do not.” 

“What Mother does is hard work,” Lalen insisted, the words building pressure inside him. With every word she said, his gut tightened, and he wished desperately she’d just drop it. If she dropped it, it’d never have to be. It’ll be a problem always on the horizon, never confronted. _ Just stop. _

Delaine simply nodded. “It is, but I think Father disagrees.” 

Lalen’s fingers gripped the bundle tight as his voice broke. “But why?” 

She shrugged. She kept on going, unaware of how the conversation was terrifying him. It was digging up the problems he had no words to describe, the unknown fears, and the incomprehensible anxiety. “He doesn’t think you’ll be happy in a job like that. A man works hard, he says.” 

“I don’t _ want _to be a man, then!” The words spilled out loud they dominated the town noise. 

So suddenly the words came, with such angry and frustration, that Delaine nearly tripped and fell. Her face turned beat read. Passers-by stared in confusion, potentially wondering what could have led to such a thing being shouted. 

Lalen quieted, but he couldn’t stop the words. “I want to be like you. I want to be like mom. I don’t want to be Galvin or Semul. I don’t. I don’t want to.” 

Her face read clear that she knew that she had pulled back layers she did not want to see. “Why?” she asked. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you not look up to them?” 

“I don’t know...” he said, quieter. 

“I don’t think I’m understanding where you’re trying to go with this.” 

“Me either, Light, me either!” Lalen moaned. 

Suddenly, Delaine stopped walking. Lalen did too out of shock. She turned to face him and looked straight down at him with an intensity he’d never seen before. She shifted her load to free one hand and placed it on his shoulder. 

“Listen, Lalen. I need you to listen, Okay? 

“O-okay.” 

“You aren’t Galvin or Semul. You aren’t mother or father. You aren’t Illua, and you aren’t me. You’re Lalen. You don’t _ have _ to _ be _anyone else or what you think is expected of you to be.” 

“But I have to do as Father says...” 

“Doing and being are not the same thing. A blacksmith may feel that is part of who he is, or it is simply a job they must do to put food on the table. A job doesn’t have to be a passion, and a passion not a job. Am I clear?” 

Lalen hesitated, then nodded. She was missing the core of his emotion, but he nodded anyway. Anything to end the conversation. 

Because sure, Lalen was Lalen, but there were parts of who he is, who he will be, he wished were not him. Thoughts of the Wheel moving ever forward, dragging him along to a future he couldn’t dream of seeing. The future was blank, and he couldn’t think to fill it. Every day that past, he felt a little bit of himself slipping away, even though he fought it tooth and nail. But he knew, in a few years, it’s a fight he’d lose. There’d be nothing left. 

Lalen would disappear. 

Ginny found Lalen sometime later by a creek in the forest, arms wrapped around his legs and chin on his knees. The cuffs of his pant legs were wet from water splashing, but Lalen refused to move. He only knew Ginny had taken a seat next to him by the sound of rocks scraping. Lalen felt relieved he had pocketed the Tar Valon coin he’d been staring at a few moments earlier, lest Ginny ask questions about it. 

Ginny didn’t say a word. He simply picked up a rock and tossed it into the stream. _ Plunk _. Lalen watched the ripples form in the water. 

He could think of nothing to say. Nothing that wouldn’t make him sound like a brat. Because why was he sad? Even Ginny worked on his family’s farm. Yet laziness wasn’t the true reason at all, and he knew it. He had to dig his feet in somewhere, and he supposed this is just where that would be. 

_ If you find you can stand it no more... _

_ Stand _ what _ no more! Working _ _ ? _ _ I'm such a baby! _

If he could kick himself, he would. It wasn’t even that he had dreams and aspirations to make clothing or cook delicious meals, even though he found them both more interesting than his brothers ever did. What he really wanted to do was learn. He wanted to know the old stories, find the old stuff that is buried and becomes unearthed. A scholar? Maybe. But there were no needs for scholars in the old town of Alkindar. He couldn’t even read all that well, just what he was taught to understand the business. 

A gleeman maybe? He’d seen a total of two pass through town before, but they left a mark he’d never forget, especially the one with a woman apprentice, green as she was. Their wondrous stories, their amazing tricks. Oh, what secrets they’d know, and what things they’d have seen. Wanderlust never struck Lalen, but it tempted him now before he realized the very real possibility of being ambushed by brigands and never being heard of again. 

_ Too dangerous. _

_ Plop! _Another rock. 

_ I’m going to have to do what Dad wants... _

“I really don’t want to go home right now,” Lalen said, breaking the silence. 

“Your Pa again?” 

Lalen nodded. “He’s still mad. I tried to find you yesterday but couldn’t. He’s gotten scary, Ginny. I don’t know. Something is off.” 

“When mine gets mad, I just crash in an alley by the ferry for a day or two till he cools off. Could try that.” 

Lalen wondered if he should tell Ginny about what Jaro said to him, about the fight, but held off. _ Not yet. _

“If you want,” Ginny continued, “I could crash with you in that alley, you know? If you’re scared to be alone?” 

Lalen smirked and shook his head. “No, Ginny. I can’t do that.” 

_Every_ _day I grow up. I can’t stand growing up as this anymore. Maybe that is what he meant._

“That lady who looked at you,” Ginny’s voice dropped to a whisper. “She really was Aes Sedai. The one in yellow, yeah? She healed that girl.” 

“I know, Ginny.” 

“But she healed, not hurt. Do Reds heal?” 

“I don’t know. I suppose, in a way, if they Gentle a male channeler, they heal him.” 

Ginny nodded. The forest was calm, the trickling stream soothing Lalen’s anxiety. 

Ginny’s mouth opened and shut, a question on the tip of his tongue. Finally, he asked it. “Lal, why don’t you just do as he says? Just work with him. Eventually, you’ll be a grown man, and can do whatever. Save yourself all this. This feels... Pointless to me.” 

“I can’t,” Lalen murmered. He wanted to end this conversation too, but to do so would make him look worse. _Feel_ worse. 

“Why?” 

Lalen sighed. He took a moment to think, to find words for it that Ginny might understand. “Ginny, who do you see yourself as, when you grow up?” 

Ginny jolted at the change of conversation. “Hm? Me?” 

“Yes. What you want to be, not what must happen.” 

“Hm...” Ginny stared into the water. “I’m not sure. I could see myself becoming a bold Hunter for the Horn! Have a thousand stories told about my heroics and quests! How fun would that be? I can’t fight though, so it’d be hard to do. Most of the people that go do that are stuck-up nobles. 

“So! If I had to choose where I’d most enjoy being, I’d move away from this lazy town to Edou Dar! I’d marry a pretty girl and have a family there. I’d be a soldier. Or, I could be a thief catcher, stalking the roof tops and ambushing thieves. I’d be a hero in the taverns among the common folk and a prized person for the nobles! Yeah! A thief catcher is exactly what I’d like to do. What about you, Lal?” 

“I don’t really know. That’s the thing, Ginny.” 

“Like nothing? Oh come on, you gotta have a dream!” 

Lalen shook his head. “You asked me why I can’t do what he says. Something’s wrong with me, Ginny. I don’t know what, but I try to think of myself grown up, and I can’t! I can’t see who I am, who I might be, all I see is that things are moving too fast, that if time is moving fast now, then in no time I will die too, and nothing is worth doing.” He felt tears welling up again. His voice choked. 

“I don’t know why, and it’s so... dumb. But if I say yes, that I’ll do as he says, then what is left for _ me _when, even now, I feel I have so little left that all that is left for me to do in life is die?” 

Ginny squinted, wrinkling his brow in thought. “But maybe if you take the job, it’ll give you a better idea of who you’ll be as an adult? It’ll give you purpose.” 

“I just can’t. I’m not ready to be a man.” 

Ginny frowned. “You can’t stay a boy forever.” 

Lalen let out a shaky sigh. “Can’t I just be neither.” 

“Well, no, Lal? You are a boy and you’ll be a man. I think what your father is doing is strict, but I don’t think I understand you. You’re worrying me a bit.” 

“I didn’t think you would... Sorry,” Lalen wiped his face with a hand and bit back tears. “I’ll get it sorted. Do you still have the box?” 

“Yup!” Ginny smiled wide as if they hadn’t just discussed Lalen’s idea of death mere moments before. “It’s safe and sound still. I tried to pick it, but I just couldn’t. I’m half-tempted to sell it to the next merchant that comes through town and get enough money to get myself to the city. You can come too if you want, even though you didn’t find it yourself!” 

Lalen chucked. “I’d like that.” 

“But argh!” Ginny rubbed his hands through his hair. “I want to know what’s inside! Whatever is in there would be worth way more!” 

“You can’t just give up on it! Maybe you’re just that terrible at lock picking.” Lalen winked. 

“Hey! Rggh! Come on, let’s go to town and see if we can do anything about that box!” 

Lalen nodded and stood from his spot, muscles sore and ankles chilled from the water. His thoughts threatened to overwhelm him again, but Lalen shoved those thoughts down and focused on Ginny. Ginny didn’t wait for Lalen to follow. He was already darting toward town. Lalen followed readily, stumbling after his best friend and happy for an excuse to not go home. 

As they went, the feeling of eyes watching hit him again, and he wondered if that was Jaro. With how quiet the man could be, it seemed a possibility. He hoped it was Jaro and not someone else, for he knew that Jaro meant no harm. At least, not yet. If Lalen went to that inn, would that change? 

The Horseless Man’s inn was becoming a siren’s call. They passed it on the way to Ginny’s hiding place for the box, and it was a fight not to stare at it, not to just turn and run inside and frantically ask “How can you help me?” Every hour the idea of Aes Sedai became less scary and more of a simple array of possibilities, good and bad. An adventure, a way out, a Gentling, or a plot, they could be all of these things, but in the end they’d be answers. 

Lalen longed to see Jaro again and get answers to the mystery nagging his mind, but they walked by inn and the opportunity passed. 

The box was hidden under a decaying dock, possibly once used for small fishing boats to go out to the river and see what could be caught. It leaned dangerously and several of the planks were just gone from it. Lalen would never step a foot on it. They slid down a rocky decline and made their way under the rotting dock. Damp and slime greeted Lalen’s touch and it smelled of dead fish, but Ginny pushed on unperturbed. Moving some rocks to the side, he pulled the box out. He didn’t even consider the disgusting state of the area as he leaned against the stone face below the dock. Lalen crawled as close as he dared under the dock to see Ginny begin to work at the box with a pick he had gotten from that friend of his. 

After a moment of concentration, Ginny murmured. “It doesn’t... even seem to... have a normal... lock.” 

“Maybe it needs the One Power to open it.” 

Ginny smirked. “Then you have a go!” 

“Not funny!” Lalen’s face flushed. 

“Very funny! You’re so easy to rile.” 

Lalen watched as Ginny focused at his task, observing the knitting of his brow and the way Ginny stuck his tongue out when focusing. For a moment, he seemed to lose himself in his admiration of Ginny, this boy who’s stuck with him through thick-and-thin and whose energy just bleeds out and fills Lalen. 

“Ah! Bloody ashes! My pick broke! Now it’s stuck in there!” 

Lalen couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Not funny, Lal!” 

“Very funny!” Lalen cackled. 

“This is our ticket out of here, Lalen. You and me, alright? You gotta help me figure out how to open it.” 

An idea struck Lalen. 

“The Aes Sedai.” 

“What? You’ve got to be joking! They’d never let us keep it! They’d take it from us, and we’d have no money at all.” 

“But they can’t lie, right?” 

Ginny paused. “They can’t…” 

“So what if I get one to swear she won’t take it from us, or promise to pay us well for it. Then, depending if she agrees or not, I get the box from here and bring it to her.” 

“They’d find a loophole in their promise.” Ginny threw his hands up. “That’s what they do, they stretch the truth and twist it till it might as well be a lie!” 

“But I don’t think any pick is going to get it open though. It’s either the key or the One Power.” 

“Maybe, but how would you even be able to get one to listen to you?” 

“I have a plan. You have to trust me on that part.” 

_ I’m just curious. Curious, and they can help _ _ us _ _ , that’s all. _

“I guess it can’t hurt, so long as you _ swear _ you won’t tell them where it is unless you’re _ absolutely _certain they’ll help.” Ginny’s face was dead serious, a rare instance. Lalen nodded. 

“I won’t. Stay here and watch the dock if you want to make doubly sure of everything.” 

Ginny hesitated, clutching his box tight. “Why do you willingly want to go to them?” 

Lalen stiffened. 

“Aren’t you scared, Lal? Aren’t you afraid they’ll do something to you? If you’re a channeler, they’ll hurt you.” 

“I,” Lalen muttered. “I don’t think the one I’m going to see will hurt me. If she wanted to, she would have done it already.” 

The answer didn’t seem to tamp down the fear on Ginny’s face. “Well, I guess I have to come with you then.” Ginny immediately turned to start hiding the box. 

“Huh? No, you don’t! It’s fine, really!” 

“Lal, you’ll fall right into a trap, and you know it.” 

Lalen blushed. “Would not. Besides, what would you be able to do if it was a trap? 

Ginny simply shrugged and said, “I’ll figure it out. Let’s go.” 

After Ginny hid the box again, they crawled out of the muck and back onto the street, slightly dirtier but not disgusting. Lalen knew there was no point to argue with Ginny. Ginny would follow regardless, so he might as well let Ginny tag along. The streets were starting to fill a bit as they made their way down it. Ginny followed Lalen closely, his movements tense. _ Into the _ _ lions _ _ den… Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? _

_ Maybe I can’t take it no more _ _ already _ _ . _ _ Is that weak? _

The door of the Horseless Man’s Inn opened to a bustling common room. Men and women sat at tables chatting and eating as women bustled from table to table delivering food. The barkeep, a thin lady who stood surprisingly tall, chatted with a man sporting a thick beard and round belly. She had him laughing in earnest. 

Lalen approached, Ginny tailing with his head on a swivel. _ I’ve never seen him so nervous before. I should be more nervous. My heart is pounding, but I’m not scared? I should be scared. _

“Excuse me, miss.” Lalen said. The innkeeper turned to them, nodded, and dismissed her companion. He went back to his table in full spirits, and she approached them. 

“How can I help you, little ones?” 

“Um, well…” Lalen reached into his pocket and pulled the coin out. He displayed it to her. Out the corner of his eye he saw Ginny’s eyes widen at the coin. The mark on it was unmistakable. “I’m looking for Lady Amalia.” 

Lalen realized he was pulling at his tunic with his free hand and forced himself to stop. 

The innkeeper’s face grew grave. “You’re not who I expected.” She spoke with little more than a whisper. “What could she have to do with two boys? Bah! It isn’t my business, not at all. Follow me.” 

She brought them up the stairs to a second floor, where two lines of rooms bracketed a narrow hallway. She brought them to a door on the very end. She didn’t explain as she opened the door. Inside, it was empty save a chair, bed, and desk. No Lady Amalia here. 

“You must wait here. She won’t be long. I will go fetch her.” 

Ginny gulped. The door shut behind them. 

“Let’s get out of here, Lal. We’ll figure out something else.” Ginny tugged on Lalen’s sleeve. 

Lalen shook his head. “No, we have to ask her.” Ginny let go helplessly, and Lalen sat down on the bed, pleased to find it soft. 

By the door, Ginny stood and gaped. “What is going on with you? Are you being controlled or something? Yesterday you were terrified of them, rightfully so, but now you act like you know who this lady is! You’re acting weird, Lal. Really weird.” 

Lalen looked at his hands. The words he thought slipped from his mouth. “I just can’t take it anymore, I guess.” 

“What?” 

Lalen shook his head again. “Nothing. We just need that box open right? So we can leave this place?” 

“When we’re grown up! We have time if I hide the box somewhere else!” 

“And I just need answers. Why did she stare at me, Ginny?” 

That shut Ginny up. He finally moved and sat beside Lalen on the bed. He laid back, feet dangling over the edge. “I can’t believe,” he said, breathlessly, “I’m going to meet a real Aes Sedai. My folks won’t believe me. I’m not sure I want to hear what she has to say, Lal. I don’t want her to…” 

“Say I’ll go mad and hurt people?” 

Ginny nodded and fell quiet. 

Several minutes later, there was a knock on the door. 

It was not the Aes Sedai Lalen had seen that came into the room, but instead Jaro, who nearly had to squeeze himself through the narrow door. He surveyed the two children, reading them. 

“We expected you to come alone, child.” 

He was talking to Lalen, but Ginny spoke, “We’re here to get you to help us open something, and that’s it! There’s no reason I can’t come to make sure this goes OK.” 

“Willful boy, aren’t you?” Jaro shook his head. “Well, it should be no matter. Nothing will be said that you cannot hear too.” 

“Is she coming?” Lalen asked, surprising excitement tinging his voice. 

“She is, soon, I’m just here to make sure things are all well. No one has hurt you, Lalen?” 

Lalen stammered, his brain trying to catch up with the change of direction. “N-no? Why would someone hurt me?” 

Jaro crossed his arms and nodded, but he didn’t answer. 

“Is someone out to hurt Lal?” Ginny shot up to sit upright. The accusation was not subtle. 

Jaro smiled a toothy grin that soon split into raucous laughter. “Willful indeed! You think I threaten Lalen here? What is your name, boy?” 

“Ginny.” He puffed out his scrawny chest. 

“Well, Ginny, we seek no harm to your friend. Instead, I just wanted to make sure no one hurts them, yes? No one in particular is a threat to you, but it never hurts to check now does it?” 

Ginny narrowed his eyes, causing Jaro to throw his hands up innocently. 

“Ginny, stop,” Lalen said, putting a hand on Ginny’s shoulder. “If he wanted to hurt us, he could have done it right now.” 

“Unless he needs that Aes Sedai to do it.” 

Jaro’s eyes flashed. In an instance, the room felt thick with storm clouds. 

“Ginny! Cut it out!” Lalen threw an arm out in front of Ginny. 

Then just like that, the tension departed. Jaro looked like the jolly man once more. “I think you’ll find my lady to be kinder than you think. Ah! She comes now.” 

“Why are you taking their side,” Ginny whispered angrily to Lalen. 

“Shush! You’re being hasty.” Lalen said back. 

And then the door opened. A woman wearing a dress of yellows and oranges with flower and vine embroidery on the hems came into the room. She came in like a powerful force, not once looking their way before taking a seat on the chair that Jaro now stood beside. Jaro towered over her. He could easily engulf her in a hug, but her presence felt the stronger. 

_Aes_ _Sedai_. 

She said not a word, but her eyes met with Lalen’s and only Lalen’s. He could not read her emotions. It seemed almost like she was studying all of him, picking him apart bit by bit to unlock some puzzle. He shivered. 

_ Is she using the One Power on me? _

Lalen began to sweat, and without thinking, he grabbed Ginny’s hand. Ginny squeezed back. He didn’t speak, perhaps he was too petrified to. 

“Why have you come?” Her words broke the silence like a hammer on glass. 

Lalen opened his mouth to speak, but only managed a squeak. Ginny had more success. 

“We have something we need you to open.” 

It dawned on Lalen. _ Where are her friends? _Lalen knew he’d be meeting an Aes Sedai, but he never considered why or if she would come alone. Was all of this that secretive? 

She chuckled at Ginny. “Why do you have need of me to do this?” 

“I can’t pick the lock,” Ginny said. He seemed to relax more and more. 

“So you think I can open it with the One Power?” 

“Yes.” It then struck Ginny to mind his manners and he hastily blurted out, “Aes Sedai!” 

“Where are the other ladies you were with?” Lalen’s question burst out with no provocation. 

She turned on Lalen and leveled a look at him. “I see no reason to get them involved with all this at the moment. Do you?” 

“No, ma’am. No.” Lalen nodded, fumbling over his words. 

“Good. Now, the thing you want open. Would it happen to be a box about this big?” 

She showed the size of the box with her hands. Ginny’s jaw dropped and Lalen blinked. 

“Yes, I figured it was that one.” She crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. “I also know where you’re hiding it.” 

“Y-you do?” Ginny’s face grew red. 

“Of course. So you want me to open it? Then what will you do. Sell it?” 

“T-that was the plan, ma’am! I was gunna sell it and leave here with Lalen when we grow up!” 

Lalen’s heart skipped. Running away with Ginny was sounding like a better and better idea. 

“Precious. But you never do know where the Wheel might take you. Maybe you’ll find yourself to be a totally different person all of a sudden or in a few years. Maybe you may want to stay right here at home. Adventure always sounds brighter to the young.” 

Ginny paused. Lalen watched them both stare at each other with wide eyes. 

“Bring me the box. If it’s not something that belongs to the White Tower by right, you may have it and do with what’s inside as you wish. Does that seem fair to you, child?” 

“What does that mean ‘belongs by right’? We found it first.” Ginny stood firm. 

“There are certain items I simply cannot let you have. They are too powerful to be left outside of the White Tower. That is all I can tell you. The chances of the item you find being something like that is low, but that is that. I will not break White Tower rules to help you profit.” 

Ginny stuck his tongue out and thought. He tapped a finger and his foot, trying to pick apart what Lady Amalia had told him. 

“I think this is the best we can get,” Lalin whispered, knowing she probably still heard him. 

“It is either take my deal here or pick it open yourself. Simple as that.” She smirked. 

Ginny was getting frustrated. Lalin could feel it. The quickness of his movements, the tension. 

“Ginny...” 

“Fine! Fine. Should I go get it?” 

“No, bring it tomorrow. I’ve spent long enough here as it is. No one will touch it till then, I promise.” 

Lady Amalia stood and strode to the door to leave, Jaro tailing behind her. This whole meeting didn’t help. It answered nothing! All these questions and no answers yet. 

“Wait!” Lalen shouted. 

She stopped in her tracks. “Yes?” 

“Why did you look at me, my lady? Why did you want me to come here?” 

“Are you afraid?” 

Lalen gulped. 

“Don’t be. What you are is not to be afraid of. If you learned yourself well, you may be able to piece it together. My time, however, is short. Go home and come see me tomorrow with the box. The promise I told my Warder to make stands, child. And you, Ginny?” 

Ginny jumped. 

“How much do you care about Lalen?” 

Ginny bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean? A lot! He’s my best friend!” 

She smiled. “Good. I hope you’re as true to your word as I am. Keep this meeting to yourselves. To not do so would be... unwise.” 

With that, they both left. Ginny and Lalen were alone in that room, with those words hanging over their heads. Ginny fell back onto the bed and let out a shaky breath. 

“Light. I’ve never been more scared in my life.” 

Only when Ginny released Lalen’s hand did Lalen notice they had been held the whole time. Neither said a word on it. 

Lalen let out a quivering agreement. “What do you think all of that means?” 

“Who knows, but all I know is that once she unlocks that box, she’s not seeing me again!” 

Lalen smiled. He was sure that Ginny would always be Ginny no matter what happened. “Thanks, Ginny.” 

“Hm? Why?” 

“For coming with me. I don’t think I’d want to be here alone.” 

“Pfft! Of course! I think it went well. Hopefully she keeps her word.” 

“I suppose we should go home.” 

“You sure?” Ginny’s tone fell grave, implying he was not worried about having any further antics today. 

No, Lalen wasn’t sure he wanted to go home. He knew he had to, however. The day was long and he avoided working all day. His dad would be a storm, a furious storm of aggravation that would only grow with the passing minute. While Lalen didn’t promise to be there today as he had left the house to fetch Jaro’s wine, his father still would expect it regardless. An order was an order. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” 

Ginny shrugged, and the two left the room. As they left, Lalen felt a growing a hate. He hated his past self from earlier in the day for delaying the inevitable this long. He hated his Dad for forcing him to go down paths in his life. He hated the Aes Sedai, for a moment, for not telling him the answers and giving him the words to describe how he felt. A crack of distant thunder rolled outside. With how bright the day was, Lalen never thought it would rain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're moving along here. I just want to say that I'm thankful for people who've read this far. This fic was totally self-indulgent through and through so even if one person finds it entertaining, it's a win in my book.
> 
> Poor Lalen. So confused. Hopefully they find the answers soon ;) 
> 
> (Also please let me know if there are any continuity errors to fix or super obnoxious typos! I don't have a reader to check these things for me, so I try my best. Plus I'm crap at outlining so some details may get mixed up! I can fix anything that pops up!)


	4. The Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ Content Warnings ~
> 
> Just a fair heads up again, this chapter contains detailed violence. It also contains descriptions of child abuse. Do not read further if these or triggering or upsetting.

If he felt he’d have any choice, he’d have not come home.

As he and Ginny walked down the road, before they broke off to go home, he saw Galvin weaving around the day’s weary crowd. Their eyes met, and he moved towards them.

“Dad’s look for you.” No greeting, just the grave face of Galvin and a curt message. Lalen could piece it together.

“Bye, Ginny.”

“See you tomorrow?”

Lalen gave a wan grin. “Yeah.”

They separated, and Lalen was left to tail Galvin home. The sun was setting.

“Where were you?”

“Out.” Lalen said, more out of not being sure how to describe his day without mentioning Aes Sedai.

“Out? For the whole day?”

“No one told me when I needed to be back.”

“Father said you were to learn today.”

He bit back saying that it was still technically day. Although thick clouds were threatening to blot the light.

“You don’t know what you do to him.”

Lalen didn’t answer.

“He’s called in favors, he’s set up lessons, he’s tried everything to get you good work, get you a good future. Do you know how long he waited for you to come home?”

_Too long._

“We can’t cover for you this time. No one can. You’re going to have to face him on your own this time, understand?”

Lalen nodded.

“Just do as he says, Lalen.”

The clouds darkened everything as thick drops of rain fell and splattered onto the dirt roads. A steady gust of wind was beginning to intensify. The rain would pour on heavy soon. Lalen shivered, but not totally from the wind. An anxiety built up in his belly that bled the heat from his body.

They came upon their house. Instead of going in, Galvin led Lalen around the side and to the back. The door to the shed was wide open, a single lantern with a flickering flame. He could see the wavering shadow of his father inside, and he stopped walking.

There was something else there. It wasn’t a full shadow, nothing more than a small form. The barest hint of a person, maybe, or just the odd lantern flicker. But fear lit in Lalen’s belly at the sight.

“Come in with me,” Lalen said. Without thinking, he clutched Galvin’s sleeve, feeling again like they were small kids again, when Galvin would stand up for Lalen when bullied before Lalen met Ginny.

“What? Why? Lalen, you gotta go in there and listen. That’s it. Just go in and listen to him scold and yell, then you’ll come in for dinner. Sure, maybe a bit frightened and solemn after, but that’s how this will go.” He paused, reading Lalen’s face. “Hey. Lalen? Why are you so scared? This isn’t going to kill you.”

Now Galvin’s visage fluctuated between concern and genuine bewilderment.

“I don’t know, he’s mad, and that shed it- I don’t know, but please come with me?”

Galvin shook his head and removed Lalen’s hand from his sleeve. He took a step back.

“It’ll be all right. I’ll see you in a bit, and remember, do as he says, OK?”

And with that, Galvin hurried inside, possibly trying to get out of the rain that was steadily increasing. Soon, Lalen would be soaked, and it did him not good to stay out in it and get sick. One step at a time, he made his way to the wooden shed, past tools and small herb and vegetable gardens.

Voices. Lalen swore he heard voices. It sounded only like his father’s but his father was talking. To himself? _Or the shadow? _Lalen gulped. _Run. Run now. Get out_.

“Have...” his father’s voice drifted from the shed. “For you...” it was all mumbles and whispers. Lalen stopped, trying to listen, but he heard no more. He found his hands shaking.

When he heard no more, and he became certain his father was just talking to himself, Lalen entered the orange, lantern light.

His father was leaning against his work table, staring at the flicking flame. His hair was disheveled and his clothes ruffled. Anger radiated from him. _I’m not worth getting this angry over._ But despite his messy appearance, there was an air of serene calm around him that disturbed Lalen greatly.

“Do you have no respect, boy?”

Lalen didn’t answer. It wasn’t a question.

“I say tomorrow, yes? And you vanish the whole day. I wait, having faith you’ll understand, and you never show.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I wonder where I went wrong with you. I need you _here, _and you vanish without a trace? This refusal is petty and childish, you know that right?”

“I-” his brothers words rung in his head, to do as he says. “Yes.”

“Then, explain. Why put up a resistance, when all I ask of you is to pick up this saw here and start to learn? Am I being unreasonable?”

“No, sir.” Lalen fidgeted, pulling at his clothes.

“So _why?_"

“I don’t know, sir.”

Wrong answer.

“You don’t know? You don’t know?!” Red began to flush his cheeks. He took a deep breath. “Well, you better figure it out right now because I’m done tryin’ to figure it out myself.”

The door behind Lalen was open, but he felt trapped like a caged animal. What answer could he give? Could he say what he had told Ginny by the stream or the thoughts inside his head? Could he coalesce them into an explanation he’d understand?

“So where did I fail? Was I not hard enough on you?”

“I’ll do that job, I promise. I’ll do it.”

“But that’s not all of it, is it?”

Lalen’s eyes fell to the floor.

His father ran a finger under his nose and spat. “You don’t act a boy nearly a man grown. You cry at the drop of a hat, flake away from anything we tell you, and fight every bit of guidance we give you. You’re sullen! Moping around like some dejected fool, and then you disappear for hours on end to run around with that troublesome pal of yours. We’re lucky to get one chore out of you, you know? You shuffled around the house as if you want us to fix something. Well? Speak up! What do you want us to fix? Or are you just moping and pouting for attention?”

“No...” _I don’t know_.

“No?”

“No!” Lalen shouted.

“Well? What is it? Out with it! How are we slighting you? What is it you want fixed?”

"I don’t know!”

“Liar!”

“I’m not lying!”

“Child,” he pushed himself off his desk, and stood looming over Lalen. Never had Lalen felt so afraid. “You best speak the truth or-”

Lalen’s lip quivered. He tried not to cry, but the looming presence in front of him made him desperate to say something, anything. He just spoke, not really thinking, trying to find any words that will let him free. “Me! Me! OK? That’s all I know. I’m broken. Something in me is broken.” The tears spilled in earnest. He couldn’t help it, crying, again. He knew that would only fuel his father’s rage. The storm grew so loud, Lalen had to yell to be heard over it. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m sorry I really don’t, but it’s hurting me a lot! I don’t want to be like you or Galvin or Semul!”

“Then what do you want to be like?” he demanded, voice booming as loud as thunder.

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” Lalen was shaking.

“A man must choose-”

“I don’t want to be a man either!”

There it was. Lalen knew he was getting close to what he was, but couldn’t make that last step. His mouth hung agape. Silence fell between them. The nail had been finally hit.

“And yet? You will be. In but a few years time, you will be a man grown. Do you deny this?”

“No, sir.”

“Well,” his father walked to the back of the shed. There, a stick a bit thicker than his father’s thumb, leaned against the backwall. He picked it up. Lalen felt a surge of terror run through him, demanding he bolt through the door. “Perhaps I spoiled you too much. I give you too much leeway, and now you refuse to grow up. That changes.”

“Dad, please.” Lalen took a step back.

“A… friend recently told me this may be my best bet. That when a child steps out of line, sometimes you gotta nudge them back in harder than usual.”

“Dad, I’ll do the work. I’ll do it.”

“Come here.”

“Dad...”

They stared at each other, his dad’s eyes filled with a serene confidence, and Lalen’s filled with wide-eyed terror. Thunder cracked. Lalen turned and ran. Suddenly, he was jerked back, choked as a hand yanked the collar of his shirt. He flew back, head bashing against the wooden leg of the work table. For a minute, he saw stars. Then next, he saw the looming figure of his father.

“You should have just did as I said. I’m sorry, Lalen. I’m really sorry.”

The stick fell. Pain shot through Lalen’s arm before he could process what was happening. It took till after the pain had flashed for Lalen to realize his own father was hurting him.

“I’m sorry! I’m SORRY!” he pleaded, trying to protect the part of his arm that’d ben hit

Again, it fell. Pain across his chest. The world was a blur of tears.

“Where did you learn this disrespect? Huh? Was it from that Ginny fellow? Maybe I’ll have to speak with him too.”

“NO!”

The stick arched through the air once more. Lalen could only see it through fuzzy, teary-eyed vision. He cringed away.

The stick fell to the ground with a clatter. His father grunted, and then began to scream.

Taking advantage of the respite from pain, Lalen scurried under the table, wiping his eyes to see what happened. He wished he hadn’t. For a moment, on hearing the scream, he hoped that Jaro had come to stop his dad from hitting him. That wasn’t the case. In front of Lalen was a sight that would never leave his head.

His dad’s skin bubbled like water. Blood leaked from eyes, mouth, and nose. Lalen nearly puked, but his brain was in too much of a flurry. Lalen’s whole body felt as if it wasn’t his own, that he was floating. His father fell to the ground, writhing.

The wind picked up, the shed beginning to rock. Lalen felt a dampness soak into his pants, and he realized water seemed to be slowly pooling up inside, mixing with the fluid that left his tortured father.

“Stop…” Lalen whispered.

The water seemed to gravitate towards his father. Deeper and deeper it grew as lightening flashed blinding white outside and the rolls of thunder muted his father’s screams.

“Stop.”

“LALEN!” His father gurgled out. He was beginning to look gaunt and pale. Lalen sat paralyzed. “LALEN HELP! LALEN!”

“Stop! I don’t want this!”

The water covered his father’s face as Lalen sat in the pooling puddle that now came up to his hip. The water had a life of its own. Soon it would kill him by smothering.

“STOP! STOP IT NOW!!!” Lalen screamed, yanking at his hair. His own tears added to the deadly pool.

Something broke. It felt as if his own mind fell right back into his skull. The water died.

In a rush it flowed away from the body, yet it still sat deep in the shed. Hesitantly, Lalen crawled out from under the table.

“Dad…?”

The body lay still, besides for the faint and slow rise and fall of his chest and the sounds of struggle for breath.

Lalen knelt over his father, who stared at him with dull eyes.

“Lalen…” his hoarse voice whispered.

“W-what do I do?”

“Channeled… Mad…” Each word seemed to be a struggle. “Killed me… You… How…”

“No! I didn’t do this!” Lalen scrambled, placing hands on his father’s chest. “Dad what happened? Dad? DAD?!”

But his father didn’t speak again. He stared at Lalen with eyes full of accusation, covered in a glassy sheen. Blood trickled from the corner of his lip. On shaky legs, Lalen stumbled onto his feet and stepped backwards towards the doorway, wiping his eyes and blinking.

_This is a dream. I’m dreaming. This can’t be real. I didn’t. I didn’t do this. I…_

He felt the coldness against his thigh, the coin in his pocket.

_Her! She can save him! She can!_

He turned and ran into the rain, ignoring his hair now covering his eyes and the seeping cold that began to bite him. He ran and ran, breath ragged and burning in his chest. He looked at buildings, reading signs, but all he saw was the image of his father’s hollow face.

_“Killed me. Killed me. Killed me.” _

_No, no, it wasn’t me, he’s fine, I just need her. She’ll heal him. She will. I need her. _

He burst into the Horseless Man’s Inn. All talk in the inn ceased as he yanked out the coin in fumbling hands. He beeline to the innkeeper and shoved the coin at her, hands shaking so fast, the innkeeper had to take the coin to check it.

“Her!” Lalen yelled. “Get her! Please get her! Now! It’s an emergency.”

The innkeeper hesitated for just a moment.

“Please…” Lalen pleaded.

The innkeeper nodded.

“Killia! Get this boy a blanket, a warm mug of milk, and a seat by the fire. Now!” She turned back to Lalen. “I’ll go get her.”

“Yes, Miss Hendra,” a serving girl curtsied, and approached. Killia took Lalen by the hand, but he didn’t realize that he had been moved until he felt the blanket fall on him and the fire’s warmth on his face. Miss Hendra was nowhere to be found.

The warm mug was thrust into his hands, but he did not drink. He focused on the heat seeping into his palms, wondering blankly if it was hot enough to burn him.

“Where is she?” A familiar voice demanded from behind.

“She, ma’am? The boy sits by the fireplace. Came in like there were people hunting him or something, My Lady.”

The voice got louder as it approached, but Lalen couldn’t stop staring at the fire.

“Lalen? Lalen, what happened?”

He heard the rustling of Lady Amalia’s dress beside him.

“Shoo! Shoo! The lot of you leave us be!” she shouted, and the sound of feet moving away and murmuring voices followed. Her voice dropped to a quiet whisper. “I felt it. What happened? Talk to me.”

“M-my D-dad.” He couldn’t stop shaking. His voice quivered uncontrollably. “H-he’s really hurt. I-I don’t think h-he’s breathing. T-there was water. I-it came out of him. C-came into the shed. D-drowned him. H-He…”

“Ssh, child, ssh.” She rubbed a hand on his back in a way that felt comforting in a primal way.

“P-Please heal him. Please save him. Please… Please…”

“I will do what I can, but if what you say is true, then he’s most likely—”

“PLEASE!” Lalen shouted. “Please…”

“We must first see you safe, okay? Can you stand?”

“No, no, please save him right now. You gotta save him before he…” his throat sealed shut at the word.

She looked behind her, and Lalen suspected Jaro stood there.

“Can you get her someplace safe, Jaro? The other Aes Sedai surely felt it too, and I need her where they won’t find her, and I need it now.”

“I can,” Jaro’s deep voice said.

“Good. I’ll go then to him, Lalen, all right? I’ll go look, but you must go with Jaro. He’ll carry you if you cannot stand, but you must.”

Lalen nodded. Words began to fail him.

They tried to help him stand after setting aside the milk and wrapping the blanket tight around Lalen, but his kneed buckled. His tears began anew.

_Killed me._

He found himself in Jaro’s arms, lifting him with ease as if he was a baby again.

“Be quick,” Lady Amalia said, and the three of them left the inn. Lady Amalia began to jog in the direction of Lalen’s house, and Jaro took Lalen in the opposite. Lalen let it happen, resting his head against Jaro’s chest, blanket pulled tight. The rain fell on them both, but Jaro sheltered him from most of it.

As the two got farther and farther from town, following the length of the river, the only sound between them was that of Lalen’s quiet sobs and Jaro’s feet splashing in mud and puddles, silence sacrificed for speed. Forest trees enveloped them, damp leaves splashing Lalen’s face in cold water. Jaro never stumbled, his pace so steady that Lalen was barely jolted.

Before Lalen knew what was happening, their journey stopped as they slid down a muddy ridge. The sheer slope was covered entirely by brush and thorns, but Jaro navigated around it with ease. Once at the bottom of this, he shifted aside some of the shrubbery to reveal and alcove that looked only just big enough for Lalen to fit. Jaro knelt, letting Lalen down, and automatically, Lalen crawled inside.

It was bigger inside than it looked outside, as if someone had taken to working on it, slowly expanding it to a size that even Jaro could fit, which he did but only if he remained seated and hunched over. It was like some hideout that was prepared a while ago. How, Lalen wasn’t sure. In the middle, a ring of rocks surrounded piles of dead twigs, to which Jaro took a flint too, sending sparks that lit a flame. A tiny fire, but it heated the small space up nicely.

“Lalen.”

Lalen looked from the fire to Jaro’s face. Shadows drawing ever-changing designs upon it like artists, changing his face from menacing to concerned to comforting all in a few shifts of light. Lalen’s head felt stuffed full of cotton.

_Where are we? What about my dad? I have to tell Mom… Mom will be…. Furious…._

“I must go back. It is crucial you do not leave this hole. You are safe here. Nod if you understand me.”

Lalen nodded. He didn’t think he could leave if he wanted to. He tried to open up his mouth to speak but nothing happened.

“I will return shortly, and we’ll figure out what to do next. Who you know as Lady Amalia will know what to do. Stay put. I cannot stress that enough. It will do you no good to go back there now. I need to make sure she’s safe.”

_No good?_

Jaro left with a faint rustle. Lalen heard the sound of feet overhead, but soon they were gone too. Only the sound of rain and fire were left. The smell of the fire’s acrid smoke began to fill the tunnel and the earth felt spongey beneath him.

Lalen pulled the damp blanket around him, uncaring that the wetness chilled him more than warmed. He just wanted to hold something tight. He began to rock, eyes watching the fire dance. Exhaustion began to grasp at him, and his eyes grew heavier and heavier. When he tried to close them to sleep, however, the image of his father’s tormented face seemed burned into the inside of his eyelids.

However, the steady noise of rain and fire swiftly lulled his mind away from thought, consuming him until that was all that surrounded him. Rain and fire. Rain and fire... Sleep did find him there, but it came not with sweet oblivion. Lalen fell into a sleep so deep that the nightmares that came to him could not wake him.

He awoke to sunlight filtering in through the thick bushes covering the entrance to the hole. At some point, Jaro must have returned because the fire still burned, albeit lower with less smoke, and Lalen’s wet blanket had been replaced with a dry one.

His throat was as dry as sand and his stomach rumbled protests of hunger, but there was no food and water here. Not wanting to disobey, Lalen didn’t make to leave the hole.

_Father... is he...? _Lalen wondered idly, but his brain quickly recoiled from the thought, afraid to touch the memory. It knew the answer it refused to face.

Muffled footsteps thudded on the earth above him, followed by wet slipping sounds. Lalen stiffened and held his breath. The bushes rustled. _They’re hunting me, _was the first thought Lalen had. Lalen pushed himself to the back of the hole, pressing against the wall. A whimpering escaped him.

“Calm, child, calm...” Jaro’s face poked through the brush. “Am I that frightening?”

Lalen relaxed and shook his head.

“Good instinct though, right now. The town is a raging beehive, and the Aes Sedai are trying to quell it.” He crawled into the hole with a bundle held in his grip. “I brought food and water. Gala Sedai, or Lady Amalia as you call her, is a bit tied up and coming out to see you would be suspicious. I barely got away unnoticed.”

He laid the bundle on the earth and untied it. Inside was an apple, some cheese, and a leg of chicken, still steaming hot. A lidded flagon held milk that chilled the metal the flagon was made of.

Lalen reached for the milk and sipped at it. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid to ask. Once his throat stopped hurting, he allowed himself to pick at the wedge of cheese, tearing off bits. He felt hungry enough to wolf it down but moving any faster than this felt like an impossibility.

“Your friend. Ginny was it? He hunted us down after all of this. He wasn’t sure why, but he was worried. Thought we’d maybe know where you went.”

“Did you tell him?”

“We considered it, but for now, we’d like as few people knowing you’re here as possible.”

“Do they think I...? Does Ginny think…?” Lalen gulped

Jaro leaned back the best he could, rubbing the back of his neck. “Aye, they suspect at least. The damage done was done by channeling. At the moment, there are those who think you’re a male channeler, and there are those who think you can’t channel at all. Those who think you could never channel and think you’ve been kidnapped by the one who did it. Still, those who think you can channel think you did it in a fit of early madness and ran off.”

“I didn’t do it...”

“Lalen...”

Lalen tensed. “Did she save him?” There, the question was out. Whether he wanted to know or not, it was out and free.

Jaro sighed. “He- damn you Gala making me say this - he was dead when she arrived, Lalen. I- I'm sorry.”

The cheese fell from Lalen’s hands.

“I didn’t... I didn’t...” He knew the answer. He knew that bloody answer and yet it still felt like a punch to his gut.

Anything else he wanted to say was cut off by renewed crying. He let out a mournful wail before sobbing, hugging himself. He rocked back and forth, all control loss. He felt the large arms of Jaro pull him close and hug him tight, offering comforting words. There was nothing he could say to sooth Lalen. Jaro could only wait till the tears ran their course.

Once Lalen regained some semblance of control, through hiccups and coughs, he asked, “A-am I gonna go mad?”

“No, child. No. You aren’t. Gala Sedai will be here, and then you’ll know the truth. You won’t go mad. Nobody in that village was right.”

“But I’m a boy who c-can channel. I-I'm supposed to.”

Jaro took a deep breath. “You aren’t a boy. You aren’t. That’s what Gala Sedai tells me, and bloody ashes I believe her.”

“I’m not a boy? I’m… not?”

_But if I’m not a boy, then what if I’m…_

“You can’t be. You used Saidar, Lalen. The female half. You must relax though. Do not think of it Just try to breath. You need to eat, and you can’t eat like this.”

_Female... half?_

What Jaro said should have confused him. It should have made him ask further questions. Instead, it felt like Lalen had received the answers to every question he’d ever asked. Those words were an explanation worth a million. The only question left was “Is it really possible?” It was an answer he wasn’t sure he’d ever come to on his own. “Oh...” Lalen said.

He felt like he should say more, doubt it more. How could this really be true? It made no sense. And yet it made all the sense. It was too insane to be a lie. Maybe, another time, the questions will come, but Lalen could not ask them. This truth was a distant candle light in the darkness, but Lalen sat in the darkness still, a punishment if anything because another truth danced with this one.

“When you’re able, you will have to tell us what your father did. He had to have done something.”

“I killed him, though.”

Jaro didn’t answer, but he continued to hold Lalen tight.

“I killed him...” And Lalen began to cry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter I finally stop misgendering our protagonist. I feel really icky doing it in these chapters, but it was how she saw herself. That's just how it flowed. Even the next chapter is not perfect for her to start perceiving herself with she/her pronouns, but I really wanted to stop misgendering her and took the first chance I had. 
> 
> I have, however, also always wondered if there was anything stopping the person's first contact to the source from being something that does harm instead of healing. I can't recall if Jordan ever wrote an instance of that in. The Saidar channelers always seem to first find this through healing or saving someone while the Saidin channelers always seem destructive? So I decided to write it in my story anyway. 
> 
> Of course, this leaves our main character in a tricky spot of traumatic self-discoveries. As always, I hope I did a proper job conveying the emotions felt and that it didn't seem abrupt or too unnatural! Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. I need to cut down on my ellipses use, but they're just fun to add >_>


	5. Political Tact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to edit. I've been really paranoid about plot holes, but I did the best I could. I don't think I've ever committed to sharing something this long with people before, and it's only gonna get longer. Practice makes perfect though! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The town buzzed with rumors. The Aes Sedai attacked Mr. Orin, one person may say. Another said he attacked an Aes Sedai. His son is missing, another pointed out, so maybe the son did it! Others may gasp in reply. Lalen? A channeler? Such a sweet boy too! The whole family was shut away, said to be in mourning. Mayhaps a male channeler had stolen the boy away to turn him into one of them? No, it must be the bloody Aes Sedai!

No one knew exactly what occurred in that shed, for they did not have all the pieces. For starters, no one knew who Lalen really was, that she could channel Saidar not Saidin. Only Gala and Jaro knew that. No one knew what the dad had done to cause this. Even among her fellow Aes Sedai, they were uncertain what transpired regarding the source of that power. They all swore they felt the channeling from there. It was faint, but it truly was unmistakable. Gala herself was shocked at how much the child had channeled without killing herself.

Still, to hear them speak, the other Aes Sedai seemed to have convinced themselves maybe they were mistaken. That, really, the child was a male channeler. Minstir had already begun discussion with Yalen to dispatch her warders and hunt this child down for gentling. Yalen agreed, and Gala worried at the thought of three Warders combing the forest. She had to have faith Jaro hid her well enough to keep them away.

She just had to keep her sisters off her trail long enough. Clothes. That was the priority. She’d need to get clothes to Lalen. She could get those easily enough. They might not fit, but Lalen would have to deal with that. Hair as well, Gala would absolutely have to do something about Lalen’s hair. How does one change her face enough, though? She did not believe any of her companions had seen the girl’s face before, but the possibility remained, especially since Yalen’s warders had spotted her with that Ginny child once before with the relic.

And that still didn’t answer the question of how did she just casually mention she had a new novice for the tower after all of this? How suspicious would that be? Not even to mention the plethora of other issues involved with this whole thing.

Of course, none of this mattered unless she could get these tasks done without raising all alarm bells in town. It was frustrating enough that she wished to pull at her hair, but she could not show any signs of aggravation in front of the people in the inn. A fairly sized crowd had gathered here, not angry per se, but tense. It was a delicate situation that made Gala infinitely grateful they had a Gray. One of many small gifts from the Light: the first being that she had Jaro who she could trust to handle himself, and the other being she had not been idle in the hours before, buying extra travel supplies for an additional person under the guise of Minstir’s request. Simply preparing for a new potential novice, nothing more. Hopefully, after all this, Minstir doesn’t push for searching for more novices and Lalen can be the only one she has to worry about.

A name too! The child would need a new name.

The Aes Sedai tried to plan as usual, using a table against the wall, but the eyes made it hard to do, and their rooms were too small to really fit everyone in. Yalen looked ready to call it a day and try again tomorrow, and Falline seemed more interested in appearances than actually figuring out what their next move should be. It wasn’t like Gala’s attention was all there either, and Minstir’s probably was wandering too, worrying over a potential male channeler?

When she arrived at the Orin household that night, they were clueless. Gala had asked if they had seen either their husband or Lalen, and the mother had simply said they were in the shed out back. After the initial shock and horror at the scene, some suspicion was immediately put on Gala. She would never have gone if not for that promise she made. The man was indeed dead, there was never anything she could have done, and now her companions wondered how she knew.

None of the family members knew what to make of it. They did not want to believe that Lalen could channel. They begged her to find Lalen and return their child unharmed, but, by the way they spoke, she could tell they were piecing something together. Maybe not the right thing, but something. If they heard the rumors, the conclusion they’d reach would surely be a poor one.

Her heart ached for the girl. So much to find out about oneself so fast and mingled with such trauma. Her first contact with the source was a negative one, and that would be hard to move past. But she could not let these townsfolk enact what they feel would be justice. She didn’t know what the father did, but something like that never happens without cause. It’s triggered. It’s always triggered.

_Jaro, keep her safe..._

Three men came into the inn, tense as a tripwire. One was Halind, tall and lanky. Another was Ionas, who was even lankier but maybe a hand shorter. Finally, Leondras, who looked all a trained a warrior and then some. Yalen’s warders came to their table, and the inn fell hushed to try and hear them speak.

“No sign of this Lalen child.” Halind said, stiffly. “The closest we could find is some people reported seeing a child running away in the rain down the town streets. I found one man who swore a child came into the Horseless Man's Inn, but the innkeeper seemed to not corroborate any of the man’s claims, and no one else at the inn could be found or seemed interested in being questioned.”

_Blood and bloody ashes_, Gala cursed. She and Jaro had been to each person who had seen and did what it took to silence them short of killing them, but they must’ve missed one. _Careless! I’m so careless!_

“Did this man say anything else?” Minstir’s voice was strained.

Halind hesitated and only spoke after Yalin nodded.

“He claimed the boy conspired with witches and giant warriors in the inn, that there were 20 men in that inn who’d back him up. The innkeeper says the inn had only 5 or so travelers inside, and we could not find these 20 men he claimed were there.”

“Witches and Warriors?” Minstir raised an eyebrow.

Gala could feel at least one set of eyes on her.

“Neither I nor Jaro had seen this boy at any inn, or anywhere in town.” Gala said matter of fact. She could not lie, nor did she. That alone will save her here because she knew things they did not. “I did go to the house because I had spoken to Lalen the other day. Jaro had met them when asking the family to tailor a dress of mine. I knew the house and knew the direction what we sensed had come from, so I rushed to check. Must I be any clearer?”

Minstir stared a moment longer.

Gala embraced the source and slammed down a shield around their table to block all sound. They seemed startled, but Gala spoke before they could ask. She did not want to risk the rumor mill spinning out of control.

“I have never,” she stated firmly. “And will never harbor a male channeler. I swore on the same Oath Rod as you lot. I cannot lie. I do not know how much franker I can be.”

“Answer this then.” Minstir folded her arms. “Did you see Lalen that night or not?”

“I did not see any boy on that night.” _No boy indeed! _

Minstir scanned the words. Surely, Gala knew, it was not exactly what Minstir wanted to hear. She wanted Gala to mimic her words exactly to be absolutely certain. But where was the fault in what she said? If they were hunting a boy, and if Gala had seen him, then a statement such as that should have been a lie. Yet Gala could say it, so therefore, it could not be.

She let the shield fall. There was a moment of silence before Minstir said, “Perhaps, Yalen, there is a male channeler in town who took the boy too. Who knows for what reasons, but have your warders looked that over?”

“Have you, Halind?”

“Not as a priority, Yalen Sedai.” Halind shook his head. “But we’ve kept eyes open for the possibility.”

“Perhaps the boy was fleeing from an attacker? I could be wrong.” Gala said, trying to sound as puzzled as possible.

“Gala Sedai may be right,” Yalen nodded. “Go investigate that as well.”

“Yes, Aes Sedai.” The three said in unison. They left in seeming unison too. Yalen truly had made them into a little military unit.

Chatter and talk returned to the common room as the townsfolk processed the conversation. They tried to make out what was said during that moment of silence, and some found it suspicious. Falline smiled and relaxed as the people’s discussion seemed to focus more on finding either Lalen or the kidnapper of Lalen instead of trying to root out how Aes Sedai were involved.

Falline turned to Gala. “You know one of the boys who had this box, yes? Ginny, was it? Perhaps go get it from this child and see what’s inside. Plus, plus, according to Yalen’s warders, it might be Lalen he knows from when they saw Ginny with that box, so maybe see if he knows something. Will you check? If we’re lucky, we can get out sooner and not disturb these townsfolk anymore”

Gala nodded. _Perfect._ “I can. I’ll check the box out and see if it’s worth our time. It doesn’t seem likely though. The Tower doesn’t have need of a box that’s hard to rust and whatever trinket lay inside.”

“All right. Now, as for you two...” Falline roped in Minstir and Yalen instantly, both seemingly pleading Gala to take her along. Gala stifled a chuckle. There were perks to being irrelevant and the weakest. She stood and wasted no time heading out the inn door, the people in the common room looking, but ultimately deciding their gossip was more important.

Gala hated being in a town where her Aes Sedai status was known. Whispers followed her wherever she went, as did eyes. She could not go anywhere now without the rumor mill knowing. The only reason she managed to get in and out of the Horseless Man’s Inn was a well-used cloak and convenient backdoor. The rain, too, helped keep eyes off. Now it was sunny, and the roads were full. She halted in front of a fruit merchant’s stall, who jumped at the sight of her.

“Have you heard of a child named Ginny?” she asked, not willing to dance around the topic.

“Yes, ma’am, I have, yes, Aes Sedai.” His head bobbed like a chicken’s.

“Where may I find his home?”

He directed her, and she tipped him well, but she didn’t head there immediately. Taking a detour, she went down side street after side street. Steadily she moved with a purpose until the crowd around her seemed to almost dissipate as she went to lesser traveled parts of town. Suddenly, she turned, weaving her way through an alley between a tailor and a hatter down into a back area of town. An old well sat abandoned, dried up perhaps, but signs that this used to be some kind of garden were still evident with dead twigs of bushes and dirt fenced in with stone. Now, it was dark and damp. Jaro sat on a dilapidated bench, alert. She found it a wonder the bench supported his weight at all. His feelings came clear to her though, somber and weary.

Gala put a shield over them, she couldn’t afford towns folk hearing now.

“I’m not good at handling scared children, Gala,” he said bluntly. She felt a touch of accusation. He was right to feel it. She was putting a lot on him.

“I cannot afford to disappear for no purpose.”

“We are lucky she is not rash or flighty. She stays in the hole, as we say, and she’s safe there.”

Gala nodded. “Thank you, Jaro.”

Jaro grunted. “I do not think she fully understands. I... I told her. Told her she’s not a boy, and she took it as a matter of course. I can’t tell if she is simply in too much shock to process the things I say or if she truly understands. You’re sure Lalen is a she, right?”

Gala hesitated. “I am, I think,” she shrugged. “It is not an unknown thing to occur, someone seemingly born a boy channeling Saidar instead of Saidin. It is rare to find a channeler like this, and even rarer could it happen that they have the spark. I’ll admit, I do not know much of this. Little is written about it – plus I’ve had little reason to research it –, and I have to wonder now how many women were cut off from the source because they were told they were men. I also wonder how many men ended up channeling Saidin and going insane because people thought them women.”

“It makes no sense.”

“It does if you simply see Lalen is a girl. Ignore what people call her. Ignore how she looks right now. Look at the facts we have at hand, see her as a girl like any other, and it all makes sense. The thought is interesting, yes? Little in the literature can agree on how Saidar or Saidin chooses you to channel it. Why do I channel Saidar? I’m a woman, yes, but what makes me a woman?”

“Well, apart from the obvious? Your, well, body?” Jaro scratched his chin, clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

“Ah, but if that is the case, Lalen would not be able to channel Saidar. And isn’t that a strange rule? If it was the body, would that not mean there are certain women’s bodies who do not make the cut for some birth reason or another? Why would the One Power, this great source, care about specifics such as that? The One Power is not bogged down by the physical like that. It would make no sense.”

“Then what?”

Gala shrugged. “The soul, mayhap.” She placed a hand against her heart. “The innate knowledge of who you are? Whether you’re aware of it or not? I think this line of theory is more interesting and compelling than Saidar choosing me because I have breasts. And if we take that line of thought, it would make sense for other bodies to come into the equation.”

Jaro sighed. “Well, thank you for the lesson, but I do not see how it practically makes a world of a difference. Lalen will still grow like a man. There’s little we can do about it.”

“Don’t doubt me so easily.”

Jaro raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I have no answers to give now. But I will figure this out. I will not let this child suffer when I have a chance to save her. I will not surrender her to misunderstanding. She’s lost enough.”

Jaro threw his hands up in exasperation. “Bloody ashes...” He paused. For a time, he hung his head, eyes closed. She didn’t speak, letting him think. Finally, he sighed. “I believe you, Gala. I guess I must. You’ve never felt surer about something to me. I have no doubts you saw what you saw. To say Lalen isn’t a girl would mean sometimes men can channel Saidin and that is a possibility with more devastating ramifications in regards to gentling. Burn me, we can’t just keep her in a hole for days on end though, Gala! We’ve never stuck out our necks like this. Intrigue and such does not become us.”

“I’m working on it. I do not have complete answers now, but I’m working on it. I will see her at the very least when it is time for her to leave. In the meantime, keep her hidden and do not tell me where. My ability to deny is my strongest defense at the moment, and I just need long enough for the dust to settle. Then, when I can present Lalen as... well... whatever she names herself, as a new Novice bound for the White Tower, we’ll be on our way. All will be well”

Jaro didn’t seem to think it enough. He leaned back, the bench creaking.

“All will not be well. She murdered a man, Gala.” Jaro shot back. He said it matter-of-factly, implying Gala is overlooking this big fact. To him, Gala failed to work that bit into her equation.

Gala stiffened; a jolt of panic flooded her that she had to stomp down. She hated that Jaro probably felt it.

“She knows she did it, that it was linked to her in some way,” Jaro continued. “She thought she would go mad and hurt more people regardless. As I said, I don’t think she’s fully processing the truth of everything that’s happening right now.”

“There’s nothing we can do about that right now—“

“Gala Sedai,” he barked. “You must take that part into account. Lalen hasn’t sworn the oaths, that’s true, but she has committed a serious crime. I’m not saying turn her in, but that sticks with you. This town will remember that. She has to totally abandon this home forever and have that resting on her conscience for her life. You are saving her from this town’s justice, but in doing so, she is now _your _responsibility entirely. She is not a fascinating new novice who has a bright future ahead of her. Not yet.” He stood, dusting his hands.

“There are current Aes Sedai who have killed people before swearing on the oath rod, Jaro…” she said this in a low tone, a knife sent right to Jaro’s heart.

Jaro paused, then nodded. “Right. I spoke out of frustration and didn’t think. My apologies, Aes Sedai.”

“We have never chosen the easy road, Jaro.”

“No. We certainly have not. I must leave again,” he gestured behind him to a small pack. “I must at least deliver this to Lalen.”

“Everything is in there?”

“Not the main things we need to pull this off, no. Mostly food, water, and something to keep the child sane.”

“Good. If you manage to obtain clothing for her, bring them to my room. I don’t want to risk them getting filthy.”

“Yes, Gala Sedai. May I depart?”

“You may,” she nodded, waving a hand. She hoped beyond hope that none of her companions detected the shield being up this long. Jaro turned and began to leave down another connecting alleyway.

“And Gala?”

She looked up to see him still standing there.

Jaro’s eyes, so often filled with energy and confidence, now seemed powerless. “How do I tell her it wasn’t her fault?”

Gala stared at him, reading the worry chiseled into his face. “By saying it over and over again, and even that may not work, but you must be certain when you say it. You must be convinced if you ever hope her to be.”

Jaro nodded and didn’t ask further.

She let him depart, and as soon as his large frame vanished into the shadows, she let herself leave. As soon as she made it back to the street and was on her way, she let the shield drop.

In her heart, Gala knew that she was doing the right thing, and yet she wondered why her heart weighed so heavy. Certainly not for her decision to bring the child to the Tower. That was simply the only option. Perhaps for waiting to break the news to her. If she had simply gone to Lalen’s home instead of Jaro and told her point blank, her father may not be dead. Or was it the guilt that she’s simply pushing Lalen to the side for now. The amount of hurt in that child's heart right now, and she’s over here running errands. The child was her responsibility now, and she relegates the task to Jaro. To tip off anyone, however… That would indeed be a fatal move for the child and potentially her.

She shuddered. Political weaving turned out to be harder than she though, and she wondered how poor of a job she was managing. No matter though. She can only move forward. She resolved in her head to visit Lalen as soon as possible, but for now the task lay at getting the box from Ginny. She wondered if the boy would ever figure out who his best friend was.

“Where is he!?”

Before Gala had even made it to the front door, Ginny had busted out from a ruckus of yells from inside. Sprinting out full speed, he made the demand to her as his parents stared out from the run down home, fields stretching behind it.

“Where’s Lal, and what did you do to him?! I don’t _care _if he can channel but if you _hurt him!”_

Ginny’s eyes burned fire, and for a moment Gala was so caught off guard that she nearly missed that Ginny assumed Lalen had channeled already.

“That is part of the reason why I’m here,” she replied, immediately donning her calm demeanor. The boy’s parents shot daggers at her as if she might take Ginny too. “That, and the box.”

“Shut up about the box!” Ginny shouted. He was a tall boy, but still shorter than she. As he pulled to a stop. Ginny stood with a face as red as a beet from apparent rage.

“Safe,” she whispered. Her voice dropped so low that no one would ever be able to hear. Hopefully Ginny could.

Ginny’s face twisted in confusion.

She shook her head, and in a louder voice, she said, “May I please come inside? The journey out here is longer than I thought, and I’d like to sit.”

Ginny sneered, but stepped aside, confusion still on his face. He stalked behind her as they walked up the dirt road, and she could feel his eyes on her back the whole way.

As she approached the door, Ginny’s father stepped forward. He didn’t block her way, instead allowing her in, but he immediately spoke.

“By the Light, if you think my boy knows where that… that kid went, I will tell you we know nothing. I grilled him already. I know they were friends, but that boy just vanished and we know nothing.”

“Relax, Mister…?”

“Kelter. Polt Kelter. And that’s my wife Jayla Kelter. You seem to have met Ginnam, our son.”

“Mister Kelter, then. I believe what you say, so don’t worry. Given the circumstances, I do not think your son would have a clue as to where Lalen would be.”

They ushered Gala into the den, where a girl who seemed a little older than Ginny offered her a seat at a table. She took it, and addressed Polt frankly. “Your son has something that we may need. He found it in the forest the other day.

His father looked ready to yell at that, immediately rounding on Ginny who still stood by the doorway. Ginny’s face read betrayal, and she quickly stepped in.

“Do not fuss him, for he brought it to my attention as he should. We allowed him to keep it. It is harmless.”

“Ginny, you-! Oh? Well, I suppose you did right there, Ginny…”

“Yeah, she allowed me to keep it, saying I could sell it if she didn’t need it and use the money _myself_.”

“You mean for the family?” his father loomed. She noticed Ginny’s mom looking nervous, and the girl who had showed Gala her chair seemed to have vanished.

“Nope!” Ginny flashed a devious smile.

Ginny must have really been enjoying the perks of having an Aes Sedai in the house. His father didn’t dare fly into a tantrum as long as she sat in his home, whether he wanted her gone or not.

“Ginny, I want you to fetch it for me. My promise will still stand. If I open it, if I _can _open it, and it turns out to be something you can keep, I will allow you to and you can sell it. Otherwise, I will take it to the tower with me.”

Ginny raised an eyebrow. “What’s the good in that right now?”

Glancing over at Ginny’s family, she wondered how to phrase this. “It may be _safer_ if we figure out what that box is right now.”

Still Ginny looked confused, and she sighed. _This kid can be dense. _

“Look I’ll get your bloody box,” he said. “I don’t even care anymore. I just want Lalen back!” In a flash, Ginny bolted out of the door without saying goodbye. She wasn’t sure how long it would take him to get the box, but at that speed, it wouldn’t be too long. Jayla offered Gala some tea, which she accepted politely, and sat back to wait for the boys return.

_Be quick, Ginny. If this is something big, we can leave whenever I get Lalen ready, and then we can be out before any harm befalls her. Be fast. _

Waiting, she decided, could be one of the worst things in the world.

Lalen waited. She waited for Jaro. She waited for Gala Sedai. She waited for food and for firewood. She had poked her head from the hole several times, only to hear a crack or a rustle that sent her scurrying back in, frightened. She wished desperately for a simple hug from her mother, to tell her that it’s all OK and life will go on, but every day she awoke, the nightmare continued. There could never be hugs from Mother again.

She had killed her father.

Just the thought brought tears to her eyes. It was hard not to replay the events she remembered over and over again in her head stuck here in a hole. It had only been a day, but the events in her head still blurred. Especially how she got here. She remembered her father’s face and how he looked dying, of course, but she was fuzzy on the details of how long Jaro had carried her for or who was in the inn that she burst into. Small details, maybe, but with her mind cycling through the memories over and over, it was frustrating to find holes there.

But she couldn’t forget the conversation with Jaro. She couldn’t forget what he said.

_I channeled Saidar… The female half…_

She looked at her hands in confusion while curled up against the dirt wall.

“A girl.”

Yes, that was it. But would she still go mad? After all, she has the wrong parts. Her parents always called her a boy, though now she thought of how much she always loathed that specific label, especially when people called her “Young sir.” Wouldn’t she still go mad? What if Jaro was wrong?

The idea that he was wrong struck her as particularly terrifying. Not just that she’d go mad, but instead the idea of being a girl was the only thing keeping her sane right now. If she managed to rip her thoughts from the cycle of murder, her brain analyzed how she could possibly be a girl and where that fit into things. A stressful notion to be sure, but one she felt had a purpose. She knew it sounded impossible, but now she had some of the words to potentially describe her feelings. They would not be put back easily.

Her mind was in a battle. On the one hand, her thoughts tormented her, and on the other they promised her hope. But mostly she had felt guilt. Guilt at how she had destroyed her family. Guilt that they may never see her again. Guilt that she had done something terrible, and she had numerous opportunities to have prevented it.

She considered if she should go back to the town to apologize. She knew what they did to murderers, but she still felt it something she was _supposed _to do.

Her brain hurt. Her mind hurt. Her everything hurt. It’s as if someone had taken a sledgehammer and busted down her world.

She folded her arms.

“Ouch!” she exclaimed, quickly shoving back a filthy sleeve. She had touched a nasty bruise, purple, black, yellow, and green where her father had stricken her. Was it this bruise or the other on her chest that triggered what she did? That was a blur too.

Lalen was too tired to cry anymore. She felt like sleeping more, but the nightmares kept her from seeking it.

_I’m not a boy._

_I killed someone_

_I’m not a boy. _

_I killed someone. _

A rustle came from above. Lalen tensed, but she knew it was probably Jaro again. Sure enough, the warder followed soon, crawling into the hole.

“How are you holding up?” he asked. Jaro cringed at the question, but Lalen wasn’t sure why. She didn’t answer, but she watched him closely.

He set out the food from the sack, most of it wrapped in cloth, and a waterskin within arm’s reach for Lalen, and then relit the small center fire again. Jaro laid back on the dirt wall, hunched over still and taking up a lot of space. He was forced to sit close to the fire and Lalen wondered if he might get burned. After Jaro got settled, he let his head lean back and closed his eyes. Things got quiet. Was he waiting for her to speak? Her eyes fell to stare blankly at the fire.

They sat in silence for some time. Only once did she hear Jaro speak, and she didn’t think it directed at her when he muttered words uninterpretable and angrily under his breath. A pause again, awkward but still good. Finally, it was Jaro who moved. He shifted back to the bag where he had gotten the food from and dug into it. Suddenly, with a thud, something was tossed at her feet.

“A book,” he said.

She stared down at it. “Myths of Silverbow and Cain” it read on the cover. It was quality bound and thick. Surely it must’ve cost a good bit, and she wasn’t sure where he would’ve gotten it from.

“Thought you might like it.”

She looked up to see his eyes on her. Gently, she picked the book off and dusted the back to remove the dirt and rocks that clung to it from the floor. It felt cool against her chest as she pulled it to her and held it tight.

“Thanks,” she said. Her voice was rough from not speaking often. The book did make her feel happy, but she didn’t want to read it yet. She wasn’t sure what Jaro wanted from her right now if anything.

“Look,” Jaro leaned forward, his face over the fire, and scratched the back of his neck. “Lalen. I need to know if you understand why we hid you here. You do not have to speak to me, the book was not payment for words, but things are going to move really fast soon. If I ask anything that you do not want to answer, let me know, OK?”

Lalen hesitated but ultimately nodded. She didn’t see reason not to.

“Do you know why we brought you here?” Jaro seemed relieved.

“Because I can channel,” she said. Jaro raised an eyebrow. She didn’t know why he was surprised.

“Good. Do you know why Gala Sedai is hiding you though?”

“Because… they think I’m a boy channeler. But I’m not a boy.”

“Right.”

“Does that mean I’m a girl? Can I really be a girl, with my body like this? I don’t know that... I never heard of....” She trialed off, struggling to explain her conflict.

Jaro seemed to understand “That’s… a possibility. According to Gala Sedai, there are others that have been like you. Spirit, she says, spirit or soul or whatever else. An indescribable knowing making you a girl or maybe something else entirely.”

Lalen shook her head at the last biy. “I’m a girl.”

Jaro’s lips tightened. “What we were going to offer you before all of this, and what we’re going to offer you now is very important, OK? Gala Sedai wants to bring you to the White Tower to be trained as a Novice there. To do this, you will have to be a girl.”

Lalen looked deeply into Jaro’s eyes and saw nothing but an almost conflicting calm urgency. His stare was almost hypnotic..

“Are you OK with that? Are you OK with living the rest of your life as a girl and woman? If all goes well, you may become Aes Sedai someday. Your life will be totally different than the one you once knew. I suppose now we don’t leave you much choice. If you say no there’s not many options left for us.” Jaro didn’t expand on that. “But it is the job of the tower to make sure all of those who channel Saidar are trained enough to be sure they’re safe. Regardless of the options, make sure you’re certain. This is _your _future, and it may be hard to go back once you’ve picked a path. Will you go with us and live as a girl, or will you go back and stay a boy?”

Her mouth felt dry. Her nerves were frayed. Think about the future this intensely made her want to cry. There really was only one answer though, and it was one she wanted. A few days ago, the news would have made her so happy, these answers would have come as a blessing.

_Killed him. Killed him._

_Shut up!_

If she had known before, none of this would have happened! If she had known before, or if she had just been born looking like a girl things would still be OK. The thought was infuriating. To turn back now though would be a lie to herself. She knew turning back was death. She didn’t know what the townsfolk would do to her, or is Aes Sedai would still hunt her. But not just physical death. There was no going back now. She knew the answer now. Even if life returned to normal, she knew too acutely now what a life in that town would deprive her of. They really did only leave her with one option.

_I’m sorry, Dad…_ she thought to herself. She was not sure for what she was apologizing for: killing him or failing him.

She knew her answer. “I want to go with you.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded gravely.

“You would have quite the road ahead of you, yeah? Gala Sedai and I will help anyway we can, but it won’t be easy and—”

Jaro was cut off as the arms of Lalen were wrapped around him. She had scooted close to him and embraced him, burying her head in his arm.

“Thank you…” she said, her voice muffled. “Thank you so much.” Jaro’s warmth was soothing, reassuring.

“Y-yeah, sure.”

Jaro’s giant hand fell and placed itself on Lalen’s head. Surprisingly gentle, he stroked her hair.

“You’re something else, you know that? Trusting me just like that? Thanking me for something I didn’t do, yeah?”

Jaro took his hand off her head, and Lalen sat up.

“I’m glad though,” Jaro continued. “That you understand what’s happening at least. It’ll make things easier.”

“Easier?”

“Well, we need to somehow both sneak you away from this town _and _make sure the other Aes Sedai don’t recognize you. Not too simple, yeah? We still are not too sure, but we are confident once we can prove you can channel to the Aes Sedai without initial suspicion, we'll be on our way. That, however, would be rather difficult given the other Warders who may or may not have seen you. Either way, it would be much bloody harder if you were in such a daze that you weren’t understanding what we needed you to do.”

“I still feel in a daze…” she muttered. “I keep seeing him. I keep worrying about my mom. It wasn’t that I _wanted _to channel, Jaro! It just happened! I didn’t mean to!”

“Ssh.” Jaro grasped her shoulder firmly. “We know. I do have one other question. Do you want to tell us what happened or is it too painful?”

Lalen wasn’t sure if it _would _be painful until she tried, so she took a breath and said, “He was angry.” Her voice quivered. “He was mad I kept avoiding working for him. I couldn’t answer him well enough as to why. Maybe if I’d known…” she shook her head. “He got a stick, and he hit me here.” She lifted her sleeve to show Jaro the bruise. “And here.” She pointed to her chest. “After that, I don’t know. I felt funny and then he started to… leak and... bubble,” she felt ill at the word. “And then the water came rushing in. He was choking, Jaro. He was choking and wanting me to stop but I could stop it and then finally I got it to stop and then he looked at me and hated me so much but I tried to get Gala to save him but she couldn’t so I-.”

“Hey! Look at me!”

Lalen snapped up to stare up at Jaro with wide eyed terror.

“It wasn’t your fault. You were _scared_. Scared because your own father _hurt you_. If he was a man of any decency this would never have happened in the first place. Do you understand me?”

Tension left Lalen like a marionette with its string cut.

“I don’t understand why he hit me. I was going to do it. I was going to…”

“I think you’re learning a very grave lesson at a young age. That your parents can be messed up, they can be wrong, and they can be villainous.”

“But my dad wasn’t evil!”

“Perhaps not, but it was still inexcusable.”

“It was only a switch. Ginny’s dad hits him sometimes...”

Jaro scowled. “Ignoring that, there’s more isn’t there?”

_The shadow. My father talking. _She didn’t mention those. They felt imaginary, a weird paranoia. "It felt scarier. He wasn’t the same. I felt like I was going to die if he kept hitting me, that he wouldn’t stop until I was nothing but pulp. But it couldn’t be that. It couldn’t.”

Jaro reached and touched her shoulder. Lalen flinched without thinking. For a brief moment, she thought she was about to be hit. Jaro immediately removed his hand, and she felt bad for that. She knew Jaro wasn’t going to hurt her.

“It isn’t right for a man to beat their child into submission, and it especially isn’t right for them to try and beat them to an inch of their lives.” He poked at the branches in the fire, sending up sparks. “There’s nothing noble to that, fighting someone who can’t fight back. There are worse people who do worse deeds who don’t get reprimanded as bad as some children.”

“He never got like that before. He just yells when he’s mad. He’s scary when he yells, and I thought that’s all it’d be, and then he grabbed the stick.”

A moment passed before Lalen asked “Is Gala Sedai coming?”

“She will,” Jaro said, “when she feels she can arouse no suspicion. She’s doing a lot to keep them off our tails.”

“The other Aes Sedai wouldn’t believe her? That I’m a girl?”

“We don’t really know, and we don’t want to risk it. Some may think we’re just pulling a trick in order to harbor a male channeler. Some of the others may want to believe but decide simply to Still you just in case.”

“Why isn’t Gala Sedai like that?”

Jaro thought for a moment. It stretched so long that Lalen thought that maybe she upset him somehow and he wouldn’t answer. Much to her relief, however, he finally said, “She knows what it’s like to be abandoned, I think. To be seen as so inconsequential that you can be disposed of, but that’s not my story to tell.”

Lalen didn’t know how to respond to that. She just watched the flames leap and dance. Was that what she was to people? Did they all abandon her? Did everyone think her a monster?

From the side of her vision, she caught Jaro moving to leave.

“I have to see if I can get you some clothing if Gala Sedai has not done so already. Read your book, and stay safe.”

She simply nodded back, and with that, he left the tunnel on another errand, leaving her alone in the hole. Soon, the sounds of the woods replace his fading footsteps. Birds, bugs, and critters, all just moving about their home. It was lonely, out here, but appropriate, she felt. However, instead of letting her thoughts consume her again, she picked up the book and began to read, letting every last bit of her slip away into its pages.


	6. Vow's of a Friend

The boy made good on his promise. Ginny came back to the house with the box in hand, desperately out of breath. The child’s face would be comical if Gala hadn’t known just how scared for his friend Ginny truly was. She felt terrible for the boy. In a weird way, Ginny was one of the most trustworthy people she had here, but however, as much as she’d like to assuage Ginny’s worry, he posed too much of a risk to inform him of Lalen’s whereabouts. Ginny appeared a touch irrational, and if he misunderstood what she meant, he ruin it all.

He tossed the box onto the table, where it landed upright with a clatter. Through ragged breaths, he said “Take your flaming box.”

“Thank you, Ginny.”

He bristled at the calm way she spoke. _He really must calm down._

“Now, what’s that?” Polt asked, scratching his hairless head.

“I can’t be sure yet.” She turned it around, examining every angle of it. Curious indeed. Theoretically, the tower would want every possible relic from the past if possible, especially one like this where something related to the Source might sit with it. If she knew for sure, however, if it nothing lay locked inside that box, she would concede to letting Ginny have it if it meant he’d trust her a little more. Unfortunately, there was no way of telling what was inside. Her instinct told her that it wouldn’t be much of anything. Size is never a factor considering these relics, but this box seemed too simple to hold anything of immense value. Or so she thought.

Setting it back on the table, she embraced the source. Again, it felt euphoric as it flowed into her, but she only siphoned off a tiny amount. Carefully, she began to probe the box. No one in that room said a word, watching enrapt to her stern focus. They could see nothing, but they knew something was happening

The lock seemed typical at first. While only probing it very slowly, being very cautious of traps, eventually she gleaned that, mechanically, it was a simple tumbler lock. The tumblers also gave as she pressed them, moving freely. In its operation, it seemed to be as normal as any lock, so much so a lockpick could pick it.

Yet, the more she fiddled with it, using her power to touch and fiddle and shake every component, the lock would not give. The tumblers seemed to have no correct position and the mechanisms did not budge when she poked and prodded them. She turned to more aggressive means, but the metal did not melt to heat or cave to pressure. It was almost as if the box was made of cuendillar, but that could not be the case, could it? It looked like regular, if not pristine, iron and aged copper! But what else could hold such a thing so firmly?

She kept at it, using every possible weave she knew for such things. She pulled her fair share of pranks as a Novice, and had opened her fair share of locks (both done up with the power and not). Still, this lock eluded her. Finally, she gave and released Saidar, humming to herself.

“I,” she said, stunned, “can’t open this.”

“What?” Ginny blurted out.

“Is something the matter, Aes Sedai?” Jayla said, doing a good job at feigning concern.

“Ginny, if I can’t get this open, I can’t let you keep this. You know that right?”

Ginny’s face burned red. “That wasn’t the deal!”

“The deal was if an object was of no significant power was contained within, I would let you keep it. However, kept in a box this sealed tight, I cannot in good faith take that gamble. There’s no way to tell if it’s empty or containing a relic of such power it must be locked away forever. You must understand this?”

Still, Ginny remained obstinate. He shook his head wildly, unruly hair flying everywhere. “No way! I found that box, and there’s no way you’re just walking off with it.”

“Ginny...” Polt took a step forward, but was stopped by Gala Sedai raising her hand.

“I do believe you said you did not care about the box before you left. You only wanted your friend back, yes?”

Ginny’s hackles rose. If the boy was a wolf, he would be baring his teeth in frustration.

“If that’s the case,” she continued, “then you wouldn’t be hoping that if you keep the box, you’ll be able to keep me and my sisters around long enough that maybe you can find your friend, would you?”

Ginny’s eyes widened.

“No! But why should I help you lot when you probably have him somewhere... somewhere... hurting him!” he said the bold-faced lie quite well for a kid.

She shook her head. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the privilege of lying, and with Ginny’s parents right here, watching carefully, she could not give him more hints to appease him.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Polt’s whole face turn red at his son’s manner, and yet Ginny seemed not to care. _He was telling the truth, _she thought, _when he said he cared a lot. All Ginny is thinking about right now is weeding something out of me, and then running in the forest to look again. There are scratches on his skin and gashes in his clothes, too. How long had he been out there?_

“I could leave right now with this box you know. There would be nothing stopping me, Ginny, but out of kindness to you, I’ll give you an offer. You let me leave with this box, and I’ll offer you what little information I know and can give.”

“You’d do that?” Ginny said, awestruck, probably, at how fast and well this negotiation was going. Gala started to wonder if she had a soft spot for kids, and if she is making a mistake.

“It is probably all I can do to get this box without restraining you and leaving with it.”

“Now that won’t be necessary,” Polt blustered in, trying to take some semblance of control over his household. “We’ll hand the box over without a fuss and you can go! Just like that. Isn’t that right_, Ginny?_"

“No,” Ginny stated and moved towards the door. Then, with a glare at her, he said ,“What do you know?”

She sighed. “Mister Kelter, it is quite alright. I am not offended nor does this reflect poorly on your parenting. These are unusual times.

“Now, Ginny, I do not know much, but I will say this. I am not in the party thinking your Lalen is a male channeler bound to go insane. I see the priority being to get Lalen safe from whatever danger they find themselves in. What I know is precious little. I’m acting off of assumptions and gut feelings here. I do not know where Lalen is, and I do not know how to tell you more honestly than that to assure you I’m not twisting words. I do believe, at this moment, Lalen is _safe_.” _Please pick up on subtlty child. Please have a clever side to you I have yet to see._

At first, Ginny did not budge, chewing over the words she gave him for a time. if he didn’t find the words satisfying, but perhaps he’d figure the deal done at least. She really could not give him anything else without compromising Lalen.

Ginny opened his mouth to respond, closed it, seemed to chew over his words again, and then spoke. “You keep saying that words like that... Why do you keep saying _sa-” _

She gave him a glare so cold his mouth snapped shut again. It seemed then, frightened out of talking, he had a small realization. Not enough to wipe worry from the boy’s face, but enough to, perhaps, make him realize that he was treading on something more delicate than he thought. _I had hoped for a quick wit, but what I got was someone unable to think before he speaks!_

Like a scolded puppy, the boy stepped aside from the doorway, nearly making her sigh in relief. The look seemed to be enough to end the fight in Ginny. _Oh, thank the Light... _

She stood, brushed off her skirts, and grabbed the box from the table. It was heavier than she thought, oddly weighted. She didn’t fail to note that as she moved the box, there was no shifting around inside. “Thank you, Ginny,” she said, and headed to the door. Before she left, she turned and nodded to the family. “And thank you for your hospitality.”

They returned her thanks, the husband nearly bowing to the point of ridiculousness, and with that, she walked into the open, strolling back down the rough dirt road she came up on towards town. With cube in hand, she wondered if this would be enough to spur her sisters into heading back to the tower. It would make her life a lot easier if so. The quicker back to the tower the better, and it’d be easier to get Lalen to a town on the way if not the town right across the river. At least, so she hoped.

Suddenly, she saw a figure blur by her and skid to a stop. It didn’t block her path, but instead, stood the side, demanding to be seen. There, now, stood Ginny before her, looking up at her with pleading eyes. She looked back behind her shoulder, and there his parents stood in the distant doorway.

“Please,” he gasped for air. “Please. You don’t have to, but please tell me why you were so interested in Lalen. Why’d you look at him back by the dock? Why do you keep saying ‘Safe’ like that? Why?”

Just then, she noticed tears welling in the boy's eyes. He spoke with a desperate fervor as if he knew this was his one last shot. Gala grimaced. She fought a war in her heart between the side that knew to hold firm and keep her cards close and the side that said to show this child some mercy.

Gala let her shield fall over them even though she hadn’t decided to speak or not. Ginny jumped at the sudden absence of sound from the nature around them. Yet, she said nothing. She stared at Ginny, the battle inside of her finding no side a clear victor.

“I know how confusing this must all be,” she finally offered.

“Lalen is like family to me, Aes Sedai. Then he vanishes without a trace, and everyone speaks of him like he’s either dead or a monster and better off dead. I know Lalen’s not a monster! He’s just scared if anything. He’s scared, and he won’t last a minute of his own. I guess that’s kind of mean, but it’s true.”

With the back of his sleeve, Ginny wiped away tears. “You say 'safe’ like that because you have Lalen somewhere, right? You have Lalen somewhere safe?”

She nodded. “I will tell you that Lalen is safe for now. That could change in an instant if either you or I are not careful. Now leave, Ginny. You test your limits too far with this.”

The boy clearly fought on what to do. He took a step back towards his house, but his lips seemed to be working to ask more questions. Finally, he decided to say “I’m not done,” he said it softly, not as a brag or a declaration, but a matter of fact. “I’m promised Lalen I’d be there for him. We promised to go to the city together.” Ginny clenched his fist. The boy shook. “If you think I won’t leave everyone here to find Lalen, think again.”

With that, Ginny sprinted off. He tried to hide his tears but failed. She let the shield fall and sighed feeling all the more a monster.

_Yet another thing I must account for. If Ginny does something rash, he could possibly bring all of this down around me. _She wondered if she should have told him the truth, and then quickly dismissed it as a hopeless course. That too posed risks worse than hoping Ginny would trust her with just knowing Lalen was safe. If Ginny did not like the truth, then if he went and spread word, it would be much harder to deny.

She shook her head and went on her way. She would stay the course. She had to, and yet, her thoughts could not help but wander to all the calamities that Ginny could bring about her and Lalen. She swore she needed to be better at keeping secrets secret. Best for Gala, no, best for Lalen, if everyone in this town thought her dead, and yet she gave hope to a child sure to run his mouth.

She arrived to the inn tossing these problems in her head and seeing no solution. The common room was mostly empty again, the townsfolk deciding that nothing would get done about Lalen hanging around the inns common room staring down any Aes Sedai they see. Not even the innkeeper hung around. She could hear talk from the kitchen and supposed he was back there.

Minstir was the only Aes Sedai there. She looked through papers, brows furrowed.

“I did not expect you to be hanging about here, Minstir,” Gala said as she strode in.

“That night,” Minstir said. “I could’ve sworn I felt Saidar, and yet we’re looking for a male channeler. This should be a very straightforward matter, Gala, and yet I’m troubled.”

Gala fought to keep from reacting physically. “I felt it too,” she conceded. “It concerns me.”

“I cannot fathom an Aes Sedai being responsible. It can’t be possible.” Minstir didn’t wait for another response. She shook her head slightly, then turned to face Gala.

“Did you find the box?”

Gala presented it to Minstir. “Yes, and I do not believe we can open it with the One Power. It must be worked to require a certain key and _only_ that key. First, however, while I have you hear alone, I must ask you something Minstir.

Her eyes came up from the box to look up at Gala with eyebrow cocked. She folded her arms, and said, “Yes? What is it?”

“Do you still wish me to search for novices?”

Minstir seemed genuinely caught off guard by this. “I hadn’t thought much on it since the murder, to be honest. I do not see it possible for us to do a proper search here in this town. It simply wouldn’t be prudent and might turn the town’s folk against us. I do not wish to leave on such a sour note. Some people would give their daughters, understanding the need for training, but others still are superstitious and at this point might snap back. No, I cannot see us looking for novices still, here. Why? Have you found someone?”

Gala shrugged. “I agree getting a novice from this town might cause a stir, so I was wondering if you wanted me to search the town over closer to when we leave this town.”

“Yes, we might just need to look at our next stopping point, simple as that really.”

“Right.” Here was the chance. Here she could slip in something, anything, to convince Minstir to let Gala bring along a novice, yet she fought with the words, unsure of the phrasing that would not arouse suspicion. One idea as to how to get the girl among them without fuss was to get the girl to follow them off the road for a time until there seemed a suitable town, yet she could not figure out the logistics of such an idea. Could she maybe plant the girl closer? 

“Is there an issue?” Minstir’s voice cut through her. Gala shuddered. Was she that easy to read?

“Ah, well yes. This town is stirring,” she said, truthfully. “I can’t go anywhere without eyes staring at me, and it makes me uncomfortable. I want to leave as soon as possible.”

“Do you fear attack?”

“Call it paranoia, but I don’t want to eliminate that possibility. If I try to rationalize it out, I don’t see why they would. The murder of one man shouldn’t set a mob afire, but I still hear such horrible whispers. They’re afraid. It seems the prevailing rumor may be that we did the murder for some conspiracy that has won out.”

“No one is going to attack us, Gala. I hear the rumors too. You’re letting your fears get to you again.”

She stared at Minstir’s cold certainty, and indeed, Minstir felt certain they’d be safe.

“At most, the crowd may protest us sticking our nose into things until they get answers. Answers that, apparently, we are unable to give. We’ll just soil the Tower’s image at this rate. If it wasn’t for the fact that I suspect that the missing boy can channel, I’d say we leave now and let the town handle their own justice.”

"I would prefer we leave now too. Hence this,” she held up the box. “I’m getting more certain each moment this is what we need.”

“The object described said nothing of a box. The popular word is that it is a mirror of some kind, but those have been wrong before.”

A flash of rage flew up in her. “A mirror?”

“Oh? Did Yalen not tell you? I thought _she _would?”

“And I’m sure she thought you would tell me?”

At this, the Red got flustered. “Maybe.”

“Look, I know I’m the weakest of us here, and I know I’m only here due to the Yellow’s urgings, but that does _not _give you three the right to treat me like an Accepted running errands and out of the know!”

“That is my mistake, Gala.”

At that, Gala’s anger immediately extinguished itself.

“I may assume too much at times. I haven’t been proactive in including you, which is, actually, wrong of me. I apologize”

Gala nodded. When Minstir apologized, she meant it. “All I was aware of was where we were trying to search.”

“Simply because I thrust the maps at you, yes?”

Gala bit back harsh words and nodded. Minstir nodded back.

“This trip does not sit well with me. I do not have Foretelling or anything of the sort, but we were sent off rather hastily and with urgent tidings. All I knew was that it was in this area and a maybe a mirror, please believe me. I see you talking with Yalen often, so I just assumed...”

“No, _she _talks _at _me. I don’t necessarily respond. She speaks more of making sure I eat enough on the road than the mission involved, and Light only knows that Falline keeps so much to herself I wonder if she’ll explode in order to maintain the most neutral of appearances.”

“I will try not to keep more from you, Gala.”

Gala shrugged, striding over the table and placing the box down with a _click_. “We all have secrets, Minstir, I just don’t particularly enjoy being treated like a child. I’m the same age as you, power difference or no.”

“And so we have this now,” Minstir changed the topic. Gala was a touch thankful of it. The conversation turning to secrets is definitely not where she wanted it.

“Yes. And I cannot unlock it. Feel free to try yourself.” she knew that Minstir might want it. It certainly was something that needed to be seen to be believed.

Minstir embraced the source and went at it while Gala watched, a touch bored. Occasionally, her eyes flickered to the front door, waiting for Jaro to stroll in. Finally, she heard an exasperated sigh from Minstir, and knew that she too had failed at it.

“Interesting,” Minstir mused. “It doesn’t seem to simply not be responding. Instead, it is looking for a certain set of weaves. We could break this given the time, but it would take forever.”

“No traps, however.”

“No, I don’t sense any, but the absence of them in this box makes me certain the creator of this box did not expect it to be opened anyhow. No need for traps if a petty thief couldn’t make their way inside.”

“So, what do you think?”

Minstir tapped a nail on the table top. “I’ll show it to them. For all we know it could be a mirror yet small or collapsed in on itself to store. We could search further and further west and never find it because it sits in our grasp ignored. That’s the problem with all these old relics, they’re so unpredictable.”

“I understand.” Gala left the box in her hands. _Curious thing, indeed. Captures the imagination with its mystery._

“Minstir... If we do not find the boy, are we going to leave?” Gala finally asked. The question had just occurred to her. If Minstir doesn’t find someone to bring for Stilling, would she allow them to just head back?

“I have no say in the matter,” she said through gritted teeth. “If Yalen and Falline say we must leave, then I must leave with them. Besides,” and she looked Gala straight in the eyes. “With how this search is going, I feel more embarrassed by the day. At this point, I would consider bringing others down here once more to ensure he is caught. It would be humiliating to let a male channeler, a _child _of all things,_ t_hrough our grasp, and clearly, the warders at our disposal are insufficient. Struggling to find a runaway boy! Absurd!”

Suddenly, the door to the inn opened, and a huge body pushed its way through. Jaro’s face looked drawn, stern, even a touch tired as he stood there. Slung over his back was a bag, which she could only hope was clothing for Lalen. He nodded and greeted the Aes Sedai.

“Speaking of… Any luck looking with the boy?” Minstir asked him offhandedly before Gala could even greet him back in turn.

“No, Aes Sedai. No sign of this boy or a potential kidnapper.”

She tsked.

“Jaro was never the greatest at scouting work,” Gala mentioned. “Yalen’s warders are better suited.”

“True, but I really just want this fiasco done with,” she said, a touch of a whine bleeding into her voice. “This whole search is a sham and a half, and I’d rather be back at the tower doing something productive. Besides, the bigger this fiasco gets, the more rumors will spread. Soon, the word on the lips of every town will be that we’re either murders or failing to find male channelers. I’d rather get ahead of the rumors, preferably heading north to the tower rather than west to find Ter’angreal.” She stood abruptly. “I’m going to let the others know you found this box. The sooner I can get back to the tower, the sooner I can organize an _actual_ search for this male channeler and be done with it.”

In a flurry, she departed suddenly, leaking pure annoyance. Gala had to sigh. “I swear, she’s going to be trouble...” she muttered.

Jaro, overhearing her, grunted.

“You’re late,” she said to Jaro.

“It was hard to both leave the child and find clothes without arousing suspicion.”

“It shouldn’t be a problem. Minstir is aware I’m looking for novices. What’s a few garments?”

“Perhaps because we wouldn’t usually be buying clothes for novices since we burn them regardless at the tower. They usually bring their own anyway...”

At that, Gala chuckled. “True.” Then she sighed.

“I was on my way to bring these to your room.”

“Well, let’s head up together. I do want to hear how she’s doing.”

Together, the two went up to their room. While heading up, she caught floating snippets of bickering between the Aes Sedai, sniping back and forth. A plan would surely be forthcoming, she knew. From harsh words spawns compromise between them. Still, she could not wait to be rid of this terrible mishmash group. Everything was a fight. Everything. The only thing keeping them together was Falline, although she was loathe to admit it as the Gray got on her nerves too.

Still, when she got to the room, she ensured no eavesdropping before settling down on a chair, and then Jaro went on with the tale of his day.

“So he hit her,” she said first after he concluded the story.

Jaro nodded. “Yes. Her arm was bruised fairly bad, and she suggests her chest was also struck. If she hadn’t channeled then, I suspect it would’ve been much worse.”

“Strong emotions trigger a spark... Fear of losing a loved one may trigger a healing for instance... Has she exhibited any signs of illness yet from touching the source?”

“No, I suppose not. That’d be a few days out anyway, but if she had gotten sick, then we should suspect she had touched the source many times before this.”

“I’m certain this is her first.”

“As am I.”

A beat passed as they processed the weight of that. Jaro then spoke. “If the man would’ve killed or permanently scarred her, maybe it’s for the best he’s dead.”

With tired eyes, she looked up at Jaro. “I’m of the opinion that I don’t really care as long as his hand can no longer be raised in anger. It’s pointless to brood on this further. The man is dead. Whether he really deserved it or not is not our jurisdiction. We must plod on like fools and pray the Wheel weaves kindly for us.”

“I suppose you’re right, but it still tickles me in the back of my head to wonder what drove the man to do such a thing. This seemed abnormal.”

Gala had no answer for this, and she stood with a sigh. “I’ll go nose my way into the meeting, and try to simply get them to see the box as what we’re looking for.”

“And what shall I do? Go back?”

She shook her head. “I wish you could. But for now, I need you to go catch Yalen’s warders. I want to know what they’re doing, where they are, and what they know. I can’t get Lalen out of here unless they’re handled. Do what you can.”

Jaro nodded, stood, and made to leave left.

“But first, I need you to figure something out for me and get me these items.”

“Oh? And what might that be?”

From her desk, she rummaged in a drawer. From it, she withdrew a pen, inkwell, and paper. Hastily, she began to scribble out a list. “Well, this might sound slipshod, but it’s the only thing I can think of...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a long time as well. Pandemic quarantine stuff really provides less motivation to write than I thought it would! 
> 
> Anyway, something I noticed while editing this is I need to work more on character voice. My Aes Sedai are starting to all sound the same. Will work on that in the future!


	7. The End of a Beginning

She felt like she had been in that shelter for an eternity. Time stretched on when no sunlight, outside of the few beams that came though the foliage hiding the entry, filtered through. Often times, when it was warm enough, she was loath to light the fire since the smoke would sometimes fill the hole to an unbearable degree. She hadn’t quite figured out how Jaro made the others produce so little smoke.

Her book had not only been a comfort but a companion. When her mind started to panic and desperately want out of this confined space, she’d read the book. It wasn’t much, but it helped.

There had come a point where she decided she had to leave the hole at some point simply to do her business. There seemed no other choice, really, but she would have to be careful. So she did, a few times, to do what she could a distance away from the hole.

Those forays stopped when she had heard footsteps stomping above her hole, however. At first she perked up, thinking they were Jaro’s, but soon voices flitted over her that certainly weren’t his. One voice mentioned finding evidence of her. She wanted to scream. For hours they combed the area, footsteps above her head. Once, they even approached the bushes, only to give it no thought. Somehow Jaro had hidden the entrance well enough that her pursuers thought it just an ordinary bit of foliage. She couldn’t be sure who it was, but they were looking for her, and she knew they were not friendly. They talked of her like a criminal. Worse than that.

She realized then that anything she did outside the hole could be traced here. She had to stay absolutely put. That didn’t mean it drove her mad. If the channeling didn’t kill her, this hole would. It had only been several days. But those few days felt like an eternity spent in fear.

_Why? Why can’t they understand?_ She wanted to ask Jaro the next time he came, but the longer he stayed away, the more she grew sure that it was simply fear that’d stop her pursuers from even remotely allowing the possibility she’s not dangerous. If they believed her and they were wrong in doing so, the damage she’d cause would be great. So they must be cautious and treat her like a threat. She wasn’t stupid, she could glean that much out. That still didn't answer why they couldn't at least understand she was a girl. One Power or not, why would that be hard? She didn't know, but she didn't think she wanted to find out.

She wondered where Jaro was, at least. He hadn’t come back, and she became terrified they’d been caught hiding her. She was not sure how long she should wait before running. She had food for a couple more days, but now, sitting alone with her thoughts, felt nearly impossible to do.

She tried to think of the future. What would people call her? Certainly not Lalen. She might need to name herself. She figured, however, that a lot floated out there that she needed to do to be ready for her new life, but she felt incredibly terrified of doing any of it wrong. Sometimes she tossed around names though, in her head. She thought she might’ve come out with a few she liked, but she never could feel certain. Choosing a name felt… momentous.

That night still haunted her too. Her eyes had the bags under it to prove how poorly the nightmares let her sleep.

She felt dirty, tired, sore, and emotionally worn to rags. Ultimately, with book finished and no energy to read it, she resorted to watching a bug scurry on the dirt floor. The little ants scurried to pick up any crumbs she failed to eat. Luckily they were not the biting kind, and only bugged her when they tickled her skin by crawling on her. She didn’t bother squishing them either when they did so, just used her finger to nudge them off. They were only looking for food. The ants did not deserve to die.

This was the state she was in when the footsteps thudded above her once again.

“Is this the spot?”

A woman’s voice. That was new. She continued to look at the bugs. Together they hoisted a rather large fragment of cheese, hauling it away.

The bushes, then, began to rustle. She couldn’t even bring herself to scream. If this was the end, this was the end. Maybe she deserved to be killed anyhow. _I am a murderer too. I doubt accidents count._

“Hi, kid. You surviving?” A face poked from the leaves and twigs.

“Jaro...” Her voice broke as tears of relief welled in her eyes.

“Yeah, and I brought a friend. You can come out.”

_A friend? _

“A-are you sure...?”

“Yes, it’ll be fine. Come on. Come on, you can still walk right?”

Reluctantly, she crawled her was out of the hole. When she finally stood, basking in the fading sunlight, her legs felt terribly weak. Still, they supported her well enough. She saw Jaro stepping up the embankment, and she scurried after him. Slung over his back was a rough-spun bag, bulging slightly, but bouncing with an apparent lightness with every step the big man took. They crested the ridge.

Arms folded Gala Sedai, stood watching them emerge from the hole. Lalen had forgotten the Aes Sedai’s voice, but she could never forget that face.

That face relaxed the moment it saw Lalen.

“Here she is, Gala Sedai. Not necessarily in best condition but she’s alive.”

Lalen figured she probably wasn’t too. It felt good though to stand outside, even though the urge to check behind her for her pursuers didn’t cease even with an Aes Sedai and a Warder.

“And alive is what matters,” Gala nodded.

“D-did you feel no one would be suspicious that you came here?” It was all she could think to say right now.

Gala opened her mouth, shut it, and then nodded. After a moment she said. “Yes. Ideally they won’t even know I’m gone.”

“I heard people,” she murmured. “A while ago. They were still looking for me.”

“And hopefully it stays that way till they give up, yes?” Jaro said with a laugh. With a heavy hand, Jaro patted her on the shoulder before returning to Gala’s side. “The people we’re most worried about are far from here. The reason I hadn’t been with you is because I was with them, steering them away, and picking their memory.”

Gala sighed. “They know what you look like to some degree, but Jaro worked on encouraging them to disbelieve certain memories. A certain word here or there and you can convince a person that trusts you to doubt things they thought they knew for certain. Combine that with an appearance change and hopefully showing the lot of them you do, indeed, use Saidar, and they’ll doubt themselves enough to think ‘Well, maybe she just _looks_ similar to the kid we’re hunting.’ It’s certainly not they most clean of methods and may not be rock-solid, but it’ll have to be enough.”

Lalen gulped. The evening air felt cool against her skin. She felt so small out here with two powerful people and the towering trees. She did not want to imagine what she looked like. She suddenly missed baths.

“Well,” Gala continued. “I suppose it’s best to tell you we’ll be leaving for the White Tower soon. You’ll be coming with us, obviously.”

“But if I go back to the town, someone is going to recognize me!” Lalen said, knowing they had a plan for it, but was unsure if it was a _good _plan.

“That’s why you are not joining the group quite yet. You’ll be joining once we leave Alkindar.”

“The plan is going to be risky,” Jaro noted.

“Tonight,” Gala continued. “Jaro and you are going to go on the last ferry to Coramen. That ferry _should _only be populated by townspeople from across the river, those who lost track of time and are trying to get back home before they are forced to stay the night here. It’s not crowded enough to hide you among people, but no one should recognize you if they’re not from Alkindar. Since the sun has yet to set, we have a couple of hours before the ferryman calls it quits.

“The plan is to have you and Jaro pay for passage, the both of you hooded. I’m too immediately recognizable, but the only people who will know Jaro are the people of my party. You two will be no more than father and daughter heading home.”

“And then,” Lalen said. “I wait for you and the other Aes Sedai to come and I join then?”

“That’s right,” she says. “We’ll pass you off as a vagabond, someone with no family hoping to catch the next ship down south to Ebou Dar. If we’re lucky, no one should question it too closely, especially after I vouch that I see you can channel Saidar and maybe even have you Guided in front of them, since others cannot see what I can see as easily, and then we should be in the clear so long as nothing out of the ordinary occurs.”

Lalen bit her lip. The plan seemed to walk a tightrope, risky as it was. Ultimately, though, she nodded.

“But first,” Gala Sedai says. “You’ll need a bath. Having you dirty as you are might help with the vagabond story, but it certainly won’t when we try to get you across the river.”

“There’s a stream right down the way. We don’t have soap, but we can at least get you feeling human,” Jaro added.

“Thank you,” she said. She stepped forward, looking back only for a moment at the place where the hole would be. She wondered briefly about her book, which she had left behind, but shook her head and continued walking. While she’d miss it, maybe it was for the best to leave everything behind.

Satisfied, Gala Sedai nodded, and the three of them made their way through the dying light, weaving through the trees, whose leaves sent the rays through like huge spear shafts jutting from the earth. Lalen’s head pivoted, constantly watching the surrounding brush as if any moment somebody would jump out and scream “GOT YOU!” bringing the whole village down upon them. Neither Gala or Jaro seemed to share in her worries, and indeed, nobody seemed to be around besides them.

The ground itself was soft, layered with dead leaves and moss still damp from the rain a few days back. Maybe it had even drizzled a little while she was in her hole. She couldn’t know for sure. Still, Lalen had to pick her way through the forest after the two of them, trying not to trip on any root that may reach up to swipe her ankle from under her or to avoid getting her face lashed by a particularly low handing branch. They didn’t rush her, however. In fact, the Aes Sedai and her Warder seemed to be models of patient and calm. She didn’t know how, her heart beat in her chest like a rabbit’s.

Every once and a while, either Gala or Jaro would look behind them to make sure that she still followed them, offering her kind eyes that kept her mind from plummeting into panic. She felt she was growing to love them already, but wasn’t sure if that was appropriate for an Aes Sedai, Warder, or a girl set to be a Novice of the Tower. Perhaps there must be some distance, some rule spoken or unspoken. Regardless, she felt she absolutely could not deny the growing adoration towards Gala Sedai and Jaro for doing so much for her when they barely knew each other at all.

Eventually, as Lalen’s legs began to ache, the three came upon a shallow brook, gurgling over smooth stones. It was a thin thing, no deeper than her ankle surely, and she supposed this must be the place where they would stop and give her a chance to wash off the filth that felt grosser the more she thought about it. However, they kept moving, following the stream opposite its flow. The walk was easier going here with scarce foliage to impede her, but the gravel besides the stream still hurt her feet through her shoes.

It didn’t take much longer for them to find the source of the stream.

“This should be deep enough for a proper bath,” Jaro stepped to the side and crouched to dig through his pack. The spot that Jaro had brought them to was a spacious clearing, walled off on all sides by thicker trees and denser bushes that would make it hard to see this place otherwise. At the end of the stream sat a large, rocky hill, which, from it is cracked stone side flowed out clear water. This water, which came out in several rivulets, splashed down into a clear pond that turned into the stream they followed. Lalen can only assume that stream would find its way into the River Eldar

“Ah! There we are,” Jaro said, and tossed Lalen something before she even had a moment to react. Hastily she juggled the item in her hands, managing to just keep it from falling to the ground. Only then did she notice it was a small bar of soap.

“Well,” Jaro said, cracking his back as he stood back up. “I’ll leave you two ladies alone to make sure no one sneaks up on us and such.” Just like that, the big man turned his back to them and disappeared into the foliage without a sound. He left the bag behind. Speechless, Lalen watched as Gala picked up the bag this time.

“Coming?” She turned back to Lalen.

“Oh,” she said, shaking herself out of her stupor. “Yeah.” She jogged to catch back up with Gala.

Bag in hand, Gala pointed at the pond. “Go on,” Gala said. “I won’t look, trust me.” True to her word, Lalen saw her turn from the pond and head towards the nearest tree. She sat on the side that looked back downstream, laying her head against its trunk was a tired expression, bag resting her lap. Lalen didn’t move. For some reason, seeing an Aes Sedai look so casual stunned her for a moment.

Again, Gala gestured at the pond. “Don’t worry, it’ll be safe. Just call me when you’re done so I can toss you this bag. Wear what’s in it instead of your current clothes.”

_Of course. Different clothes… Are they…? _She gulped; her heart fluttering harder. She’d never worn… But of course. She’d of course have to wear something like that wouldn’t she? A dress, a skirt, something like that, huh? She felt it more than likely. She felt a blush rising to her cheeks, which she hid by quickly moving out of Gala Sedai’s line of sight. She approached the water’s edge, slipping off her shoes and socks, and dipped her toe into the water.

_Cold, _she though, quickly pulling her foot out. She looked back at the tree Gala Sedai leaned against. Lalen could see only the Aes Sedai’s leg and the back side of her head. Gala was right. No one could see her. She let out a breath, trusting the Aes Sedai would not turn her head, and took off her shirt.

Gala watched the water flow downstream, splitting around rocks. She could see little fish flitting about in the current. Eventually, she could see soap bubbles drifting down the stream as well. She let out a tired sigh, listening to the splashes behind her.

Seeing the girl again had been a reminder that she was doing the right thing. As involved this was becoming, she knew she would never be able to live with herself if she must have watched the child being left in the hands of the townsfolks’ justice or an Aes Sedai Stilling that would, in most likelihood, result in the girl taking her own life.

_Would she? _Gala wondered. _Would she kill herself if she was Stilled now? _Lalen’s first touch with the power had been so entirely negative after all. Plus, it’s not like she had the opportunity to touch the source again, feel its wondrous power, and know that it was life.

Gala rejected that line of thought. It was poison. To think in those terms served no purpose when the real robbery would be the robbery of Lalen’s own choice in the matter. To steal away her gifts for no reason besides to satisfy some hateful paranoia directed at a _child_.

Gala knew taking the girl now, at this age, would be she’d be young for a Novice. She’d one for quite a while until she came of age to begin looking towards becoming an Accepted. But that wasn’t the race against the clock she was worried about, not the one that Lalen, perhaps, was also worried about.

_One thing at a time… The libraries in the Tower are vast, and maybe there you’ll find something on that subject_. One thing needed to get done before they headed on their way, and she hoped it wouldn’t be their first issue.

“What would you like to be named?” Gala Sedai called from her spot by the tree.

The splashing stopped. “What?”

“When we leave, we need to have a different name for you. While your name now would probably pass for any gender, it’s obviously going to be recognized. Do you know what you want to be called?”

A long pause. Then the splashing began again. She wondered if the girl was thinking or ignoring her question.

Eventually, she answered. “I… think so.” Gala could barely hear her voice over the water, but the tree stood close enough to the water to keep it from being too much a strain on her ears. It didn’t help that the child was so soft-spoken.

“So you gave it some thought?”

“It’s not like I had much to do over the last few days,” the girl responded, giving a shaky laugh. “I figured if, well, I’m a girl now-”

“Or always have been,” Gala said.

Another pause. “Or always have been,” she continued. “Then I can’t use this name, right? There are boy names and girl names, and I was always told mine was a boy name even though I didn’t really mind my name all that much then. But now it carries a lot with it, doesn’t it? I don’t want to have it anymore.

“And the book you gave me. There was a part in it that talked about how sometimes stories involving Birgitte Silverbow might have her go by different names. Different stories, different quests, different names. It was all a just an idea he had. The author didn’t know for sure, but he seemed to know a lot about it and... well… So I thought about it.”

Gala Sedai nodded. She was impressed. She did not remember telling the girl to think on it, and if the girl could not think of one, she had name suggestions at the ready. It would not have felt right, however, telling the girl what names to pick from. She was not the girl’s mother. The only one who could pick a name for the girl was the girl herself. It was one more thing done, one less unknown to be tucked away and settled.

“What did you decide on?” Gala said.

Another silence. Gala had a feeling she was picking between the names she had decided on, weighing them, and making sure they were the right fit. Gala had no intent to rush her.

After a little time of thought, “Maena,” she said.

“Alright, Maena.” Gala wished she could see Maena’s face when she used the girl’s name. “Can I ask why that name?” The soap stopped drifting down the stream by now. Gala assumed Maena was almost finished.

“There was a gleeman a long time ago. He didn’t travel alone, but instead he had a prentice.” She heard the girl chuckle to herself. “She wasn’t very good. She dropped the balls she juggled fairly often and her stories were never told as well, but she tried.”

Gala smirked. “So why her?”

“Because she’s what I want to be, I think. She gave up everything, left her home, to become something she wants to be even though she might not be good at it.”

Now Gala’s smile dropped. _Yes, but she had a choice in the matter…_

“Well, we’ll need to think off a family name for you to take on.”

She heard Maena walking through the water, footfalls soon crunching on the pebbly ground. “So um… what do I…?”

Not even looking behind herself, Gala threw the bag behind her, where it landed with a thud on the gravel. “There’s a towel in there to dry yourself. The clothes inside might not fit you the best, but we did what we could.”

“T-thanks,” Maena said through chattering teeth, the damp clearly allowing for a chill.

Gala heard the rustle of the bag and cloth. She closed her eyes. “Maena…” Then, she took a deep breath. “Maena, I need to say something.”

Maena froze. The towel hung inches from her face as she looked at what little of Gala she could see behind the tree. For a second, she forgot that that name was hers now already, and she had to do a double-take to ensure it was her Gala was talking to. Gala had switched over so suddenly it almost jarred her.

“Yes?” she responded, trying not to betray the sudden nervousness she felt at the Aes Sedai’s tone. The stoic layer to the Aes Sedai had fallen entirely, and Gala Sedai just seemed like, well, Gala without any of the formal dressings.

“I want to apologize. I didn’t want to rush you, I didn’t want to pressure you. Burn me, I didn’t even know for sure, but if I would’ve acted sooner, just a little sooner.”

Maena buried her face in the towel. Its fibers were scratchy and rough, old, and they itched her face. _Can we not talk about this now? _She begged to herself. _I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about this anymore… _

She didn’t say this though. This felt important, if not to her, but to Gala. The breeze bit at her, and she continued to dry herself. “It’s not like you could’ve known,” Maena said into the towel. “It all happened so fast. It still feels like I’m in a dream.”

“I was too absorbed in playing it safe, Maena. From the start, I tip-toed around the issue, hoping everything would fall into place neatly. No, I may not have known what would’ve happened, but if I’d just been more direct. I know there’s no point in regret like this. There’s nothing I or you can change but to move forward, but I needed to say that at least, that now that we’ve got you here, I will do everything I can to not leave you to the wolves. You are not and will not be alone.”

Maena swallowed down a lump that had formed in her throat.

“I don’t want to be a burden though!”

“You are a child. You are _not _a burden.”

She blinked, and then rubbed at the tears forming in her eyes. “T-thank… you…” With a shaky breath, she collected herself, managing to keep from crying.

From the behind the tree, Maena could make out Gala Sedai nod.

Mind struggling to process the things Gala had said to her, Maena set the towel on the ground and opened the bag. Finally looking inside, there sat a bundle of clothes. She had not gotten a good look at the clothes in the bag earlier, just pulled the towel out and started with that. She didn’t know how to feel about the idea of wearing girl’s clothing yet. Was it OK for her to do so? Would they think her gross or odd?

_Of course not,_ she knew. They would not have given her the clothing if they would think such things, but the feeling persisted. It sat right there along with an aching curiosity.

She pulled out each article, and began to get dressed.

“The clothing isn’t the prettiest,” Gala said. “But you shouldn’t get too attached anyway. It’s something to wear on the road until you reach the tower where it’ll be burned.”

But Maena was only half listening. On the rocky ground, she slipped on the shirt. It fit too loosely, and she knew that her mother would tsk at how it was sewn, but Maena had no reason to complain. It was light green and emerald with simple flower patterns stitched on the long sleeves. The shirt was made with a child in mind and was meant to be tailored and fixed as the child grew. 

But a shirt was a shirt, as comfortable as this one felt. What came next made her pause. A skirt. Just like one her sisters had worn, actually. Colored a solid deep brown, the material was simple. She wouldn’t know for sure how long it was, but it seemed wide at the hips. Sitting in nothing but her stockings, underwear, and a shirt, she looked at the skirt and blushed.

_I’m a girl now. It’s OK to wear this, I’m a girl now, _she told herself, but she still didn’t fully believe it._ Father would kill me._ At that thought, a snort escaped her, and before she could check it, she burst out into a manic laughter. Clutching the fabric to her chest, she began to laugh, her eyes tearing up as well.

“Are you OK?” she heard Gala, bewilderment almost making her look.

This only made Maena laugh harder. “I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s just-“ her words were cut off by further hysteric.

_Why am I laughing? This isn’t funny! It’s not! _And yet her body did so anyway. _He’d kill me. He’d kill me! _

Eventually, the laughing turned to a hiccupping giggle before disappearing entirely. Her stomach felt cramped, her breath ragged, and she had to wipe at her eyes. 

_No one will know I’m wearing this. And if I’m found out, I’ll have bigger problems than just being in a skirt, huh? _She almost began to laugh again but forced that urge down.

She stood and slipped the skirt on, cinching it with a belt that was also in the bag to keep it from falling. With that done, there were only four things left in the bag: a pair of worn boots that fit rather big as well when she slipped those on (she figured she could stuff some cloth into the toes of them and it’ll be fine), a strip of green cloth she had no idea the purpose for, and a equally worn looking, black, woolen cloak. This she set aside.

After standing up straight, she looked down at herself in pure fascination. The skirt felt objectively comfortable, and she smiled at the way the fabric shifted and moved. She thought of something and span in place, boots grinding the gravel beneath her, and watched the skirt billow out. She couldn’t help but giggle again then. She wondered how she looked. Hopefully not too silly. A hand drifted to her hair, and she reminded herself that it certainly wasn’t very long. But she’d seen girls with shorter hair before! That shouldn’t mean too much.

Regardless, her heart still thudded in her chest like a drum, and she worried over Gala Sedai’s reaction. She could admit it may be a bit nonsensical since the Aes Sedai got her these clothes, but that fear was certainly not one to believe ration to begin with. She scooped up the cloak and bundled it up into her arms.

“Ok, I’m dressed,” she called back to the Aes Sedai and waited.

She stood from her spot. Gala brushed a hand over her skirt, brushing off the dirt and leaves from sitting on the ground, and came from around the tree

There the girl stood. The clothes were too baggy for her, worn down and clearly previously used, but their Maena stood with a hesitant smile upon her face. The sight warmed Gala’s heart. Maena’s cheeks were flushed, nervous over something as simple as a skirt. Something in that was so innately simple and innocent. Further, The Aes Sedai realized, there was something precious in this. These feelings that the girl felt, Gala was certain, would repeat over and over again until girlhood felt normal for Maena. That would be OK too, but for now, Gala allowed herself to reciprocate that simple, hesitant happiness that Maena felt.

“You look very pretty, you know.”

Gala did not fail to notice her face grow redder as the child stammered out, “You think so?”

At this, Gala chuckled. “Yes, of course. So don’t fret.”

Maena nodded, this time with an extra energy. Excitement started to bleed into her movements, and Gala wondered, perhaps too optimistically, if she was already healing. Although she knew all too well that the trauma had simply been tucked away for later.

“Thank you,” Maena said. “It might take me a while to get used to this name.”

“That’s to be expected. So long as neither I, Jaro, nor you call you by your former name, however, it should be fine. We shouldn’t be anyway. You _are _Maena now, regardless of the stakes. There is one last thing, and then I can get Jaro. Would you please come to me?”

The girl tilted her head a bit confused, but did as bid. She came to stand in front of Gala, only coming up to her chest she was so small.

“I apologize in advanced,” Gala said, and Maena watched as Gala Sedai dug into a belt pouch. From inside, she withdrew a small pair of scissors. “Since, once we leave you off on the other side of the river, you’ll be playing the role of a vagabond, we do need to try and make you somewhat take the look as well as deflect any questions regarding why your hair is not longer. I’m going to have to cut your hair a bit.”

As if by instinct, Maena took a step back, shaking her head. A flash of grief flashed on her face. “Do we have to?” she asked.

Admittedly, Gala almost did put the scissors away at how she recoiled. It took her by surprise. They had to make her look the role if only a little. “I don’t plan on cutting much,” she said matter of fact. “I only want to make it look a little more ragged, less neat, like the hands of an amateur got to it to keep it from getting too in the way. Simple, yes?”

Maena took a moment to process, but she did eventually nod her consent and stepped up to Gala, turning around. Gala crouched down onto the gravel behind her and got to work, taking off small pieces here, making another places a bit uneven there. It was harder than she imagined to make sure the hair looked convincingly rough. She decided to not overdo it.

“Shouldn’t we make my clothes dirty?”

“Hm?” Gala’s responded. Another piece of hair fell, and she wondered how she may dispose of the hair.

“Well, if I’m supposed to be an orphan in the streets, shouldn’t my clothes be dirty?”

“Not quite,” she said. “We have a story for you, and it shouldn’t require ruining your clothes. Turn around and close your eyes.”

Maena did as bid, wrinkling her nose as stray bits of hair tickled her. “What story?”

“Jaro will explain on the way after he and you split paths with me.” Finally, with the last snip, Gala stood back up and stretched. With a gentle hand, she brushed any hair she could see from Maena’s face and shoulders. She took the girl’s hair up by about a finger’s width, and the process made it look as if the cut was aimed for practical purposes not neatness as her mother initially intended.

Maena shook her head and then wiped her own face with her hands before opening her eyes. She took a glimpse behind her. “Am I not an orphan now?”

“Well, you’re mother is still alive.”

“But she’s not going to be my mother now. She won’t be here.”

“Ah,” she looked down at the child’s face, which stared out into the distant nothing as if something was there. No emotions played across that face, but Gala could feel the silent storm brewing, one that may turn into any numerable things. In response, Gala did the only thing she could do. She put a hand on Maena’s head.

The girl jumped, head swiveling to look up at the Aes Sedai.

“Let’s get going, yes?”

Maena’s lips tensed to a thin line, but she nodded.

Firstly, Gala-Sedai had Maena help her clean the area. The hair strands Gala buried beneath gravel, not wanting to risk them being seem floating down the river, determined to live by her rule of caution. If one of the Warders found it, who knows. The rest of Maena’s old clothes were returned to the bag along with the towel and soap. She’d dispose of it once they reached the town.

Next, she collected the bag. From inside, she withdrew the strip of cloth. She knelt in front of Maena with it and used it to tie her head back like a headband. It helped, she figured, and was glad Jaro had grabbed cloth such as this. Even Gala Sedai had to admit it added to the look.

Then, with those things done, the two had nothing left but to head back to the line of trees. Before entering, Gala let loose a tinny whistle. Maena looked up at her curiously, but she didn’t ask and Gala didn’t explain, for sure enough, as soon as the reentered the woods, Jaro silently materialized besides them, causing Maena to yelp so loud it was nearly a scream. Gala smirked.

“Well, look at you!” Jaro said, a broad grin on his face. Neither Warder nor Aes Sedai missed the fierce red that spread on Maena’s face.

“T-thanks,” Maena said, eyes looking down and hands playing with her skirt. There was a smile on her face though.

“She chose the name Maena.” Gala said.

“And what about her family name?” Jaro asked.

“If she is OK with it, I had a name picked in case she did not have a surname ready herself. What do you think about Velyr? It’s the same as an old friend of mine and should work.”

Mae didn’t take much time to nod in agreement. “That’s fine,” she replied, preoccupied watching her step to avoid tripping over any roots.

“Ah!” Jaro then exclaimed. “So, Maena Velyr, are you ready to begin your journey to the White Tower?”

The grandiose way that Jaro said this, almost like a gleeman playing a part, made Maena smile wide. “Yeah,” she said through almost a laugh. “I think so.”

“Good, good. I’ll explain everything you need to know about this little plan on the way to the ferry. We should still have time to catch the last crossing for the day. The light is almost through for the day though.”

“Yes,” Gala piped in. “And whatever he tells you, I do not need to know. The less I know, the better and more room I have to avoid telling a lie, which I cannot do. In fact, I do have to ask of you to consider anything you ask or speak to me of in general around the other Aes Sedai. If I can play to them the part of hardly knowing you, all the better.”

“So I can’t talk to you?” Maena’s face betrayed a slight edge of panic.

“Sort of, but not quite. More, we need to be careful and try to make sure none of the Aes Sedai suspect we’ve met before, which will be easier for you and me if we rarely speak for a time. If I end up giving you advice more on the road as we travel, then that’ll just be the matter of course since I will be the one to help find you. So you have a role to play as well as I do, and we’ll have to do our best. It’ll be easier with Jaro. I do not need to know where he is at all times, so if you absolutely need anything, find him. Preferably when no other Aes Sedai or Warders are around. Understand?”

The girl fiddled awkwardly with her skirt as she walked, brushing at it and readjusting it, obviously not used to it yet, but she listened intently. “I understand. I’ll try to act like I don’t know you for a while.”

“Exactly. It’ll be strange, but this is the only way.”

Everyone in agreement, Gala and Maena tailed behind Jaro as he moved them closer and closer to town. Apparently, the Warders were still not close, and any towns people still searching could be easily avoided so long as they did not make any loud noises. The journey, then, wasn’t difficult for any of them. Jaro, while not as skilled at scouting as the other Warders here, still did well enough at keeping the three of them well away from any eyes that might ruin everything. Gala knew she might be relying on Jaro a lot, and she hoped he felt her gratitude.

As they focused on the trek through the forest, it was Maena who broke the silence first. “I think I always knew I was a girl…” She mumbled, eyes carefully watching where she walked. “I think I always did, but the words were hard.”

Gala listened quietly as did Jaro. Although neither needed her to justify anything, Gala suspected it was important to her to try for herself.

“When Jaro came that one time, and he said I might be a girl or something else, I kind of realized something then, I think. He gave me the choice to be either a girl or anything else I want to be. I could’ve chosen a lot of things then, I think, but, well…” She nearly stumbled on a well hidden root, but quickly regained her composure and carried on.

_Something else? _Gala thought. _Yes, I suppose that too could be an option. _She wondered how things would have gone if the girl had chosen that path instead of this one.

“But that question, this power, everything. It was like I knew what the words were suddenly! I didn’t know they existed. I didn’t know anything.”

Maena looked up to Gala and then forward at Jaro. “I want to do this. I think if this never happened, if I never had this power, if I never met you two, I would’ve figure it out. I don’t know how long it would’ve taken. I think I was getting close, but I don’t know. All this did was push me.”

This time, Gala responded. “And I don’t doubt it. But what if you do decide you are ‘something else?’ You are already transgressing according to some. Who’s to say that there isn’t other paths to take? Who’s to say you won’t find yourself at that crossroad as well?”

Maena walked silently in thought for a while. In truth, Gala was curious herself for that answer. She isn’t sure if there could be such a thing outside of boy or girl, but at this point, nothing would surprise her. The world is complex as is every person in it.

Maena then spoke. “I don’t know,” she said. “If I start wondering if maybe that’s what I am, something else, then maybe that’s what I’ll be. Either way I’d have time to make that choice, right? Because right now, I just want to be a girl. Nothing else.”

Gala nodded her head. “Then that’s how it’ll be then.”

“I just don’t think you should feel bad either, Gala Sedai. I don’t think there’d ever be an easy way for me, even if you found me.”

At this, Gala did not know how to respond. The girl was still thinking about what Gala had said by the stream? Maybe the girl was right. With her father being how he seemed to be, and the ignorance of many people, what would’ve happened? Yes, maybe the girl was right to be pessimistic, but the real tragedy came that this child was being made to reckon with such realities so young. 

“We’re here.” Suddenly Jaro spoke, the forest had begun to clear to such a degree that if Gala focused through the trees she could, kind of, make out some buildings.

“From here you should be able to get yourself back to the inn without rousing suspicion. Maena and I will head to the ferry.”

Gala met Jaro’s eyes. She could feel his apprehension. They were racing for the finish line, but one stumble and it’d all be undone. Caution. She then looked to Maena and rested a hand upon her shoulder. “We will see each other again soon,” she promised. “Keep steady and all will be OK. We’ve done well so far. Don’t fret about the ways things may go wrong. The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.”

Maena locked eyes with her. “Right,” she said. When Gala lifted her hand, the girl drifted to Jaro’s side.

“Alright. When we reach the White Tower, all of us will breathe a sigh of relief. But until then, be careful, be safe. As it stands, if anyone gets the idiot idea I’m secreting a boy channeler to the White Tower, then we’ll have bigger problems on our hands. Tomorrow’s the day.”

“Don’t worry!” Jaro bellowed, throwing out an arm over Mae and playfully pulling her in so fast she lost her footing. Mae began to laugh, and even Gala chuckled. “She’ll be fine! If it comes down to it, I’ll deliver her to the tower myself!”

“I’m sure you would, Jaro, but let’s try not to make that our only option, yes?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. Gala could see relief in the girl’s eyes, Jaro’s bravado putting her at ease. Gala had to admit, it put her at ease too.

“Thank you, Jaro. I shall see you two tomorrow. Maena? Be safe.”

Gala then split from them, knowing they watched her as she exited the forest back into town. She offered a silent prayer that all goes well. If the world was fair and good, she would have no doubt all would be well and the child could go to a happy life.

But both she and Jaro knew, the world was not fair or good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, was this one too cheesy? I feel it was a little cheesy. But with all the bleakness the past few chapters, it felt nice to write out a pretty cute chapter nonetheless. There are chunks I feel I should've deleted, others I feel I should've added, but I think I'll leave this chapter as is. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	8. Lie to an Aes Sedai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so so soooo late. I've had a lot of WIPs that I've been starting and putting down. My interest in Wheel of Time comes and goes rather frequently, and for a while I was just into other things! Thinking about Wheel of Time though, and I wanted to get another chapter out. In fact, the reason this update took so long is because I am stuck on the chapter after this one. I like to keep a buffer chapter, but at this point, I might as well post this one. I'll (hopefully) be working on the next chapter soon, but I won't swear it'll be done asap lol. Just know this fic isn't dead, I just got uber writer's block and when that breaks we'll be golden!

The ferry bumped against the dock that jutted over the River Eldar. It had arrived from Alkindar, the town that sat across from here, Coramen, and there, standing apart from the bustle, stood a slight looking girl in a shirt the color of oak leaves and a skirt of an earthy brown.

Her name was Maena. Her hair was unevenly cut, done by her own hands to get it out of the way. As she waited for a ship to come, one she could sneak onto and head south to Ebou Dar, Maena sat by an alley between backsides of two brick buildings. On her lap sat a beggar’s bowl. It was mostly empty, just two copper pennies, for she wasn’t _really _begging, but this her story became this.

There were people there she recognized leaving the ferry, and others she did not. She felt sure her sister would recognize all- _No. No sister. _No brothers or sisters, only two now dead parents, who died in her home up the river. No uncles, no grandparents, no other family members to trace back to figure out who she belongs to, only an aunt in Ebou Dar, a faceless one with a common name, a woman who’d be impossible to find.

Nobody recognized her on the way to get here, at the dock in Coramen, and no one recognized her now, yet her heart still thudded in her chest making her feel she might throw up if she had eaten anything this morning.

All it took was one person. Only one person who shouted recognition. She didn’t want to imagine what would happen if they did. She did enough imagining in the hole, but all she could do now is wait.

The crowd grew louder. With a raucous clamor, they all tried to move, as, quite visibly, several horses were coaxed from the ferry. Most of the beasts did so calmly, so well trained that even this did not phase them, but a couple did rear, showing the whites of their eyes in fear. Shouts curses from ferry-hands came from the dock as the crowd dispersed. A lady in green approached on panic stricken looking worker and scolded him. As the crowd began to clear, only a few people there seemed to remain to watch as the horses were offloaded. Four women and four men remained by the dock, a cloud of aggravation over each of them.

_Horses? Where did they get those? They did not have them last time..._ she noticed. Did they bring them over beforehand? Maybe. The ferry itself almost never took animals, and to take animals while also having people on board seemed dangerous.

Her eyes found a woman in yellow whose name she knew but should not know. She stood with arms folded as her horse was one of the two that bucked. A huge man stood beside her, the kind of man who looked more of a bear than a man. She knew his name too but should not.

From where she sat, people kept walking by her, obscuring her view to the figures in the distance. Those women needed to see her. It was absolutely imperative that they see her there, that the woman in yellow can notice the small vagabond girl. Maena gripped her begging bowl tighter and looked down at it. Somehow, she now had four coppers in there and silver penny. Sshe looked back at the Aes Sedai.

Maena tried to breath. Her hands were shook. How do you lie to Aes Sedai? How do you put on an act and have them believe it true? She needed them think she was most certainly a stranger to this place and that certainly had not committed manslaughter but a few days ago.

_No you didn’t. You committed no crime but that of being a stowaway aboard a small trader’s ship. They booted you off here, and that was the punishment for your crimes._

Her hands steadied again. She couldn’t pretend to believe it true, but maybe she could pretend to pretend. After all, she had nothing to lose now and everything to gain. The idea of losing this identity that gave her so much hope terrified her, but if she didn’t do this at all, she’d lose it anyway. No, she’d lose her life.

Finally, the horses were calmed and led off the ferry, although the Aes Sedai in yellow’s horse still whickered testily.

_Now, now they’ll come._

But they didn’t. Instead, the one in gray said a few words, and the rest then huddled around her. From this distance, Maena could clearly make out a paper that they were all looking at, a map most like, and she felt a touch annoyed. Still, they didn’t waste too much time over the map as they soon seemed to reach an agreement. Leading their horses by their reins, the Warders positioned themselves in front of the Aes Sedai, essentially forming an arrow head to move swiftly through any crowds. Although right now, the streets seemed pretty calm.

A ripple passed down the street as the ferry’s passengers passed her. She heard snippets, fragments of sentences: “Heal…”, “Alkindar…”, “Hunting…” were just a few. The words fell futilely in her ears. She had no energy for them. No rumor or theory they could concoct could scare her more than the thoughts in her own head right now.

Still the crowd parted as the Aes Sedai moved closer and closer, first climbing up the switchback ramp that led down to the dock itself, and then coming to the main street. Maena couldn’t help it. She stared avidly at the woman in yellow and her Warder, knowing she shouldn’t, but she hoped too much for some warm glance her way to assure her all will be well. None came. This was all up to her, a role she and she alone must play.

And so, as the company approached, she stood from her place, beggar’s bowl held out, and as they began to pass her, she walked straight for them so fast she nearly jogged.

Her face was a mask of desperation. Two warders immediately broke off the ranks, blocking her, their faces she did not recognize. They looked at her quizzically, not with scorn but uncertainty.

Did they recognize her?

_No! Keep going!_

“Please!” she shouted between the two bodies that stood before her, staring not at the woman in yellow, but instead the one in red. “Please, just a few coins! That’s all I’m asking for, it’s not much!”

The group ignored her, walking by without a second glance, and for a single, horrifying moment Maena thought they’d go past without even realizing she was there, dashing her hopes of leaving here forever, but then, as the Warder’s before her seemed to start moving away to leave with the group, the woman in yellow looked back at her, looked at the group, and then back at her. She extended a hand, placing it on the shoulder of the Aes Sedai with the red dress, and for a moment the whole group stopped.

“Please,” Maena repeated, shoving the bowl forward even more insistently. If the Warders hadn’t recognized her yet, the Aes Sedai certainly wouldn’t. This is good. She’s doing OK. “I just need some food for now. Maybe passage for a ship. That’s all…”

The Aes Sedai in yellow said something she did not hear. Then she heard the one in read say, “Are you sure?” The other nodded.

And they approached her, not all four, but only the ones in yellow and red. They came to her with looks so stern she took a step back. The beggar’s bowl nearly slipped from her hand. “I’m sorry if I caused offense, I just-“

“Yalen!” barked the red woman. “Dismiss your warders for a minute!”

The woman in a green dress a similar shade to the shirt Maena wore although much cleaner, apparently Yalen, stood by the one in gray with an absolutely baffled expression.

“If you say so,” Yalen said. “Halind, Leondras, back down. We’re not afraid of a beggar child are we?”

“But, Aes Sedai…” Halind protested. His eyes flickered to Maena, and her heart stopped. For a tense moment, he seemed to be searching for something, some connection he couldn’t make. “R-right.” With that, he stood down, moving back to Yalen’s side, but his eyes never totally stopped looking at Maena.

Leondras said not a word. The stronger looking man simply waited for Halind to see what Halind would do, and when his fellow Warder stood down, so did he. Unlike his companion, however, Leondras did not stare her down, but instead stepped back to Yalen and let his eyes keep lookout up and down the streets and on rooftops.

“So, Gala, this child?” The one in red spoke at least, raising an eyebrow at Maena critically. The woman stood a few inches taller than Gala Sedai, hair deep back versus Gala’s blonde and brown. The piercing blue gaze made Maena’s breath catch in her throat. The child shot furtive glances between the two. She began to feel weak standing there, surely the nerves beginning to eat at her energy, but she remained still all the same.

“Don’t tell me you can’t tell, Minstir? This close, even Yalen should be able to figure it.”

Minstir shook her head. “You were always more sensitive at this stuff than me, but you’re right. There is _something _there.”

“U-um,” Maena stammered out. _The role. Remember the role. Play dumb._ “D-did I do something wrong?”

At this, Minstir let out a soft chuckle, and even Gala smirked. “Nothing wrong, girl,” Minstir said. “Would you wait here a moment?”

With a hand on Gala’s shoulder, Minstir led her away, back to the other two Aes Sedai. With Halind watching her like a hawk, Maena held in a sigh of relief.

_Is it working? Is this actually working? _She thought to herself, hope beyond hope that maybe, just maybe, things will be okay.

“Well, did you sense it too?” Gala said to Minstir as she led her away. “She can channel Saidar. The ability is there in her.”

Minstir’s brows furrowed, and she opened her mouth to respond. Before she could speak, however, they came upon the two waiting sisters. “Well, Yalen, Falline, the child there can channel Saidar. Gala Sedai sensed it, and I could feel it too as I got close. She may not look much of a girl with that hair, but I feel certain she can channel Saidar.”

Gala remained quiet as Minstir spoke, only nodding to confirm she had sensed it. _So far so good,_ she thought.

“Well, we must take her to the tower then, correct? She must be taught,” Falline said as if stating the obvious, and it _was _obvious. As long as Yalen’s Warders kept their mouths shut for just a little while longer.

“We can’t dilly-dally,” Yalen spoke up. “Trying to look for the child’s family and getting her set for the road ahead? That takes time.”

“You can’t possibly be suggesting we ignore this, are you?” Falline turned to Yalen in shock. “Our numbers are dwindling, and it’s the Aes Sedai’s responsibility to teach any girl who can learn at least how to control Saidar safely. She could hurt someone!”

Gala Sedai said nothing on this.

“Falline is right,” Minstir said. “It’s pretty foolish of you to wish to just ignore the child and head to the tower after what had happened in Alkindar-“

“And what _may still happen_, Minstir. I don’t recall catching that boy channeler!” Yalen snapped back.

“My apologize, Yalen, but if I may be so bold, who’s Warders were assigned to the task of finding him?”

“You…”

“Sisters! Sisters please!” Falline said, stepping between the two.

Gala watched with more than a little bemusement. She couldn’t help her eyes glancing to Halind, who’s eyes were narrow. He was getting close to something. Jaro, reading her well, however, strode up to Halind and tapped the Warder on the shoulder. The man didn’t start, but he did look up at Jaro surprised. Jaro began to ask Halind questions about this, that, and the other, and for a moment Halind’s attention had been diverted. _Thank the Light for Jaro…_ she thought, and returned her focus to the discussion.

“We return to the White Tower without a definite on the relic they sent us to fetch,” Yalen continued to rant. “Instead we return with a box that might be absolutely nothing, a boy channeler running loose in Altara, and now someone you claim to be a potential novice? We were sent here for _none of these things_. The absolute embarrassment we’ll face!”

This time, Gala did speak up. “If you don’t believe us, Yalen, then look for yourself.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s that this is horribly impractical! Come now, Gala. You know you must see my reason right?”

She shook her head. “No, I actually don’t, sister. This is part of our job. If we see a girl who can channel, no matter how young, we must bring her to the tower to learn to control her own powers. She must be brought into the fold.”

“Hmmm,” Yalen said, biting her lip. “Well, if you so wish it, Gala, I’ll humor you on this. If we take her, she’ll probably be among the youngest novices we currently have… She can be the responsibility of you two on the road home,” she concluded, pointing to both Minstir and Gala as if that was some kind of punishment.

“So are we in agreement in having her travel with us?” Minstir said.

“We should at least test her when we have a chance,” Gala added. “We know she can channel, but it’d be smart to guide her into contact with the source to keep from any incidents.”

“Agreed,” Falline nodded. “The challenge might be more on how we can ask her to come with us without scaring her. The child looks half ready to bolt as is.”

“So that is that then,” Minstir said. She seemed rather satisfied. “Come, Gala.”

Being called so rudely made her bristle, but Gala nodded and walk back with Mintir. The girl’s pallor began to look a little paler then it had been, but Gala supposed she couldn’t blame the child. _Just a little longer_.

“Already we found a new potential novice,” Minstir noted as they returned. “Already you were on the lookout for one? I would have expected you to have waited till we were far enough from Alkindar to not make cause a stir.”

Gala stiffened a little, but shook her head. “The girl came at us,” Gala said. “It would have been impossible not to sense it.”

“Hmm. I wonder if this one is responsible for what we felt the night of the murder. A coincidence of two channelers going off at once? That _would _be odd. Also why she would be across the river is beyond me.”

A bead of sweat dripped down Gala’s back, but she remained implacably composed all the same. She did not say anything to this. She could not without risking telling the truth. Still, they were back in front of Maena soon enough.

Thankfully, Minstir seemed to want to do all the talking. Gala was unsure if it was because Minstir wanted the prestige of the find to go to the Red, but Gala allowed it. The Red Ajah Aes Sedai’s face took on a stern look but not that of someone unkind.

"What is your name, child." Minstir asked without missing a beat.

"M-Maena," she stammered out.

“Well, Maena, are your parents here as well begging as you are?”

_What story did you craft, Jaro. A beggar girl, but what’s her past? _It dawned on her here and now of all times that Maena might not be able to say this very backstory if the girl ever gets raised to Aes Sedai. By then, however, it probably would not matter, and even if it did, she doubted Maena would be the first girl who lies about her history. There still were plenty novices who lied about their age to join. 

“No, my Lady,” she shook her head. “They… Well, I’m alone here now. I’m trying to get enough coin to pay fare to Ebou Dar to maybe see if I can stay with my aunt. She doesn’t even know who I am though, so I just don’t know. But no, no one here knows me.”

Even Gala had to admit, the girl was putting on a good show. Because Gala knew it was a lie, she could see the cracks in it, but she thought the act might just be good enough to move past this stage of things. The girl told the story like that of a child long since numb to the tragedies in her life, like that of a beggar who knew that the story might get a few extra coin. How much of this did Jaro tell her to do?

“So you have no home?” Minstir said.

“No. No one.”

“Well, I suppose you should come along with us then to the White Tower?”

At this, Maena’s eyes lit up. “Do you really mean it?” Gala caught the pause in her voice as Maena continued to say, “W-what’s the trick? I’ve heard… things about the Tower.”

“No trick. While we’re not heading to Ebou Dar, we might still find a use for you where we’re heading,” Minstir said flatly. “It’s either that, or you search endlessly for your aunt. It’s your choice; we can’t force you, but we promise lodging and food. The worst that’ll happen is you end up working for your keep by cleaning or helping the cook.”

Gala could tell the girl was only pretending to think about the offer. A few beats passed before Maena said “You’ll… really let me come with you? I didn’t think I’d ever find my aunt, but I had no other choice, I had to take a risk and… Yes, of course I’ll come! Thank you. Thank you so much!”

Minstir’s cheeks flushed a little at the girl’s gratefulness, which Gala knew was not acting. It caught Minstir by surprise, who was so used to people fearing her. “Yes, well. If you have any belongings, gather them now. We’ll wait here for you.”

Gala watched this whole exchange feeling victorious. _Too easily, _she thought to herself. _Remain cautious_. But even if things started to unravel now, it’d be far easier to tie them back up again now that things were underway. They all could tell. They all could sense it. She channeled Saidar. Maena stood and ran off to the alley where, presumably, she had kept her stuff.

Gala did not fail to notice the people passing by their group as they spoke to Maena. Their eyes watched with curiosity, a few with looks of disgust at the Aes Sedai recruiting girls to the Tower. The latter of which surely were people from Alkindar who knew they were Aes Sedai, but this wasn’t their town. No one said a word to the Aes Sedai. No one even seemed to recognize Maena. Their luck was holding out. The crowd in the area had mostly faded as Maena bolted to get her stuff since there were no ships to offload or ferry’s to debark from.

“This always does feel a little strange,” Minstir said as they waited.

“Why’s that?” Gala replied.

“Taking a child like this without her even knowing the full extent of what she’d be going through? Especially one this young. But if we let her go now, to go find this aunt, we may never see her again.”

“She wouldn’t be able to find her aunt in Ebou Dar.”

“No, too many people. Plus to think of the reality of what might occur to a child alone in the city is unspeakable. The girl does not seem ready for that truth. But where would she go if she doesn’t make the cut and proves too weak in the power to be taught further? I don’t know, Gala, it just doesn’t sit right.”

“I’m sure it’ll be added motivation to prove herself. We’ll explain the stakes to her when we set down for camp later this evening, and she should understand the circumstances, of that I have no doubt.”

“You seem fairly confident.”

Gala Sedai squinted up at the drifting clouds. It was a nice day. Perfect traveling weather. “Well, she seems clever to me, and also a child that might be wiser beyond her years. She wouldn’t be here right now if life didn’t force her to be, I’m sure. She’ll see reason and agree to come along.”

“Yes, but certainly not the kind of conversation to have out in the streets.”

Gala smiled. A light laugh escaped her. “No, definitely not. The looks we were getting were, well... they certainly felt as if they were burning holes in my neck.”

Maena had retrieved a dusty looking bag. Gala Sedai knew what would be within it, her book and the silver Tar Valon coin that she had Jaro give her what seems like forever ago. Why the girl kept it was beyond her, but Jaro had told her with a laugh that the girl insisted on taking it too.

Sentimental value, Jaro had supposed.

When Maena went to find her bag, she took her time to do so. It wasn’t that she wanted to make the Aes Sedai wait, she just needed moment to breath, a moment to allow her hammering heart to settle, or she may just faint before they even leave the city.

_I did it... I did it..._ she told herself over and over, both shocked and proud of herself for managing to pull this off.

_Is it over? Did I really do it? Am I safe? _Of course not, she remembered. She’d never truly be 100% safe, not for a time at least.

_But I did it! She really thinks I’m a girl! I did it!_

She pulled off a piece of scrap paper she used to hide her bag, and there it rested. On the way to the ferry, he had given her the old looking bag, saying it’d fit her story better than the new one Gala had had at the stream. As for the book, she panicked when she remembered she left it in the hole, only for Jaro to pull it out and hand it to her as well, saying he fetched it for her.

Everything had moved so fast, but thanks to Jaro, everything was going smoothly too. She prayed to the Light that she’d be able to keep her things when she reached the tower. She held her for a moment and took another breath. She had to act afraid, but it wasn’t really acting when there sat a large lump of fear in her chest constantly lately. She had to act unsure, but that was also not hard given the uncertainty of her life now.

She had these emotions to spare, so the act came easily. All she had to do was say she was from somewhere else, and that she can do. On Jaro’s advice, she told as little of her history as possible. If the Aes Sedai didn’t ask, don’t answer. That leaves for less chance for her getting her story mixed up.

At least Gala might be proud of her too, an idea that made her strangely happy.

With her things retrieved and her shaking hands slightly more steady, she went back to the two towering Aes Sedai.

“This is everything, my Lady.” Maena stood there uncertain if she should bow or curtsy, but from the nod of Minstir, she thought she did enough.

“Hmm, so you do have basic manners,” Minstir said. “Come. We must leave immediately. Given your circumstances, I don’t think you have any goodbyes to make.”

The directness stung. Tears rose to her eyes, but she choked them down. “No, I don’t,” she lied. Minstir and Gala both just looked at her with unreadable, Aes Sedai eyes. As intimidating as they were, she knew now that the looks they gave never always reflected reality. Gala had the same look many a time and that didn’t change how she behaved. Maena wondered if it was a skill they learned or something that you just got when you became Aes Sedai like the ageless faces both of them seemed to have.

Minstir nodded again, and the two turned and went back to their group. Maena hesitated, taking another deep breath, and followed, clutching the bag to her chest and trying not to look at every person that passed them in the street. When she arrived, she found herself again analyzed by the other two Aes Sedai and the three Warders she did not know. Jaro seemed to be looking more to Gala.

Why the two other women stared at her as intently as they did, she did not know. She couldn’t help but fidget under their gaze. The gray seemed to be content fairly quick and went to Gala and Minstir to whisper about things she could not hear, but the green seemed to stare extra-long.

“Is there an issue, Yalen?” Minstir asked to the green.

“Well, it’s just...?” Yalen looked back at one of her Warder’s whose mouth was curled into a slight grimace. The silence between everyone was palpable. Jaro shifted. The tension grew and grew and the longer it went on, an icy fear settled in her heart.

_He knows. Oh, Light, he knows. He’ll tell everyone. Oh, Light..._

“Is everything quite alright, Halind, or are you worrying over nothing!” Yalen exclaimed suddenly, shattering the silence. “You’re going to drive me mad!”

It was as if that interruption saved Maena. Halind broke away from thought, and looked to Yalen, before shaking his head. “No, that can’t be it, I.... My apologies, Yalen Sedai, I just had a thought, but... No, it makes no sense.”

Jaro stepped forward. “Are you being paranoid, Halind?”

Halind looked back at Jaro, eyes widening a little. Still, he nodded. “I must be.”

Then, Gala spoke. “Then I say we be on our way if it’s all the same to you, Yalen?”

“No, no you’re quite right, Gala,” Yalen nodded. “We should leave this unfortunate place before I fear we all lose our wits.” 

It seemed like the whole town breathed a sigh of relief when their company began to move in the direction out of town. The people’s eyes left them. The tension from those who knew the group contained Aes Sedai slackened.

The crowd still split around them as they passed, muttering honorifics occasionally as well. No one dared say a poor word to them, even though Maena suspected they thought it. After all, at one point, she rumored along with them, and while she did not know much about Aes Sedai yet, she could easily say some of the stories she’d heard were patently false.

The one named Yalen lead the group forward, her warders spread out around them. Maena could feel Halind’s eyes on the back of her neck as he took the rear. She had to fight from looking back at him. The one Maena soon heard to be named Falline took up the middle with the Red Aes Sedai Minsitr, and the two bickered in hushed voices. Maena kept her ears peeled for her name, but it seemed they forgot she was even there. Even Gala and Jaro, who hung back, ignored her completely, with not a word spoken to her.

That she knew would happen, and she made no effort to engage with them even though she desperately wished they’d speak to her and tell her she did well. They might, in time though. In time, they would speak to her, and in time they might praise her, but for now she must keep the role going.

As the group left Coramen behind them, left the familiar River Eldar behind them, left her world behind them, with Maena nestled in the middle of their group, nothing here stood in their way. The buildings began sprout more sparsely apart, turning into work yards and small farms into medium farm. Still on foot they walked, leading their horses, until finally the people in the road spread so thin that they did not worry trampling on any people.

Here bloomed another concern. Maena had no horse or pony to ride. They most certainly did not have one extra or the time to purchase her one. Besides, she had no idea _how _to ride in the first place! As the warders and Aes Sedai mounted up, she watched them all, wondering who would take her. She even glanced momentarily to Jaro and Gala Sedai, hoping she could ride with one of them, but they too acted like their companions. For the moment, she did not exist. When all were mounted, Maena feeling tiny besides the beasts, it was Minstir who rode out in front of her.

“Come,” she said holding down a hand. “We may need to get you a pony later, but for now, ride with me.”

Why, out of all the Aes Sedai, was she the one taking the most interest in her? She started to glance towards Gala Sedai, afraid this might turn out poorly, but stopped herself. “U-um, if that is alright with you, Aes Sedai.”

Minstir rolled her eyes. “Please. Would I have offered if it was not? Take my hand and I’ll help you up. Or do you fear horses and wish to walk to the Tower?”

“N-no, ma’am.” Maena had no choice. She’d have to take greater risks than this anyway, and it’d be strange to decline. She reached up, and took Minstir’s hand.

With greater strength than Maena expected, Minstir lifted her and helped her step into the stirrup, and from there, aided her onto the horse. She sat behind Minstir, where there was enough space, not that Maena took up much of it.

“The warders and Yalen need to be able to ride free, and Gala is not one to take initiative,” Minstir said as Maena got settled. She had to lean forward to hold onto Minstir if the horse went too fast, but hopefully that would be OK with the Aes Sedai. “You could sit with Faline, but she can be a bit of a bore,” this final sentence she said in a whisper.

Maena looked at the back of Minstir’s head, surprised that the woman would talk about her fellow Aes Sedai in that way. _Was that… a joke? _ Minstir didn’t seem to worry. With a flick of her hand, the horse began to trot up to the group, the Aes Sedai’s eyes staring straight forward down the road. Maena looked, just for a brief moment, at Gala as Minstir passed her. Gala Sedai and Jaro took up the rear once more, and it felt too hard to believe that Minstir would feel Gala Sedai, of all people, lacked initiative. The idea would be comical if it wasn’t so confusing.

“Tonight, child, we will have much to discuss, but for now, just try not to fall off.” Minstir turned her head back for a moment to give Maena a small smile, and then they were on their way. The group drifted their way further and further from town until it was but a smudge on the horizon, trees and tall grass obscuring it from view. Maena found herself starting to like the the woman she rode with, and she wondered if that was dangerous. According to Gala, Minstir might be her biggest threat, and yet here Maena was, riding alongside her while she cracked a few jokes.

She had to be wary. They had a long journey ahead of them, and if she ended up around Minstir as much as she thought might end up happening, she’d have to be careful. _Oh, why couldn’t either of the other two have me ride with them…_ she thought woefully, but the Wheel had weaved where it willed she supposed. The only option was to look forward, imagining her new life and forgetting the old, all the while trying not to tip off the back of this horse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the big problems I'm debating is the traveling sequence following them now leaving. I'm not quite sure if I should make it more chapters (some scenes of them stopping at towns or some dangers on the way), or less chapters (stick to only the Vitally important points I have). There is a lot of character development for Maena that can occur on the road, that I would want to do with the former option, but also I don't know how dull a long travel sequence would be, so I also am weighing the latter. If you got an opinion, I'll gladly take it lol.


End file.
